Today’s debate features two powerful planets in a cosmic clash – it’s Mars vs. Saturn! Brains On Editor Sanden Totten will rep the red planet while astronomer Mark Popinchalk will glimmer for the gassy giant. Who will be crowned the most precious planet? Vote below for the team YOU think won!
Also… do you have your Smarty Pass yet? Get yours today for just $5/month (or $45/year) and get bonus episodes every month, and ad-free versions of every episode of Brains On, Smash Boom Best, Moment of Um and Forever Ago. Visit www.smartypass.org to get your Smarty Pass today. As an added bonus, your Smarty Pass will grant you access to a super special debate starring Sanden and Molly!
Audio Transcript
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MOLLY BLOOM: From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
CORALIE: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate features two powerful planets in a cosmic clash, it's Mars versus Saturn. We've got Brains On editor Sanden Totten ready to rep the red planet for team Mars.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Look up! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Earth's reddy buddy, Mars, here to shoot for the stars. Pew-pew!
MOLLY BLOOM: And astronomer Mark Popinchalk will glimmer for the gassy giant, Saturn.
MARK POPINCHALK: Bring it, din-din, Saturn is going to win.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Coralie from Georgia. Coralie has four younger siblings, loves to sing in her choir, and spends most of her time writing fantasy and fiction stories. Hi, Coralie.
CORALIE: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Coralie, is it really true that you've already written three books?
CORALIE: Yes, it's true. I really don't know exactly how I got it done, but I'm writing more every day.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, that's incredible. So how much time do you spend writing every day?
CORALIE: A lot. I write about as much as I read, which is about an hour every day, so.
MOLLY BLOOM: Super inspiring. So can you tell us what the books are about? Are they part of a series, or are they each like an individual book?
CORALIE: They're a part of a series, and it's fantasy. So the main character is a horse named Stormchaser. And there's these bad guys that are trying to take over the world, typical fantasy. And they go on a quest to save the world. But he has anxiety. So he finds these people in a ancient ruin city, and they help him conquer his fears.
MOLLY BLOOM: I love a relatable hero with a little bit of anxiety because who doesn't these days? So you're also in a choir. What kind of songs does your choir sing?
CORALIE: We sing all kinds, but I really like the contemporary choir songs, so like something a little not traditional, shake it up a little bit.
MOLLY BLOOM: So what's your favorite right now?
CORALIE: I really like Shady Grove, which is a folk song that I sang for all-state choir here in Athens.
MOLLY BLOOM: Nice. So do you have any feelings about Mars and Saturn already?
CORALIE: I do a little bit. I actually have two experiences with Mars and Saturn. So, for Mars, I am a gemstone nerd. And one day, I randomly had the question, can gemstones be found on Mars? So I looked it up, and my favorite gemstone, opals, can be found on Mars. So I think that's really cool.
And also, Saturn, it's one of the few planets that I've actually seen through a telescope. That was just an amazing experience to look up and see the rings of Saturn.
MOLLY BLOOM: Amazing. And I know you've heard a lot of episodes of this show, so do you have any advice for our debaters today?
CORALIE: The more fun facts, the better. I want to hear all the information about both of these planets.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent advice. Will Coralie side with Sanden or Mark? It's a mystery for the skies. Let's review the rules of the show before we get started. Every debate consists of four rounds, the Declaration of Greatness, the Micro Round, the Sneak Attack, and the Final Six. After each round, our judge, Coralie, will award points to the team that impresses her the most. But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate.
Listeners, we want you to judge, too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website, smashboom.org, and vote for whichever team you think won. All right, Sanden, Mark, and Coralie, are you ready?
CORALIE: Yes.
Oh, yeah.
I'm ready. Let's do this.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Sanden, you're up first. Tell us what makes Mars so Mars-nificent.
SANDEN TOTTEN: When it comes to Mars, I think it's important to start at the beginning.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MARS: Hello, mortals, 'tis I, Mars, God of War. A little birdie told me you were having a whole debate about me. [CHUCKLES] That's so flattering. You know, not many people like war anymore, so it's nice to see that I still have fans.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, wow, this is awkward.
MARS: Awkward? Pish-posh. There's nothing awkward about a Roman god hanging out with a mortal discussing his favorite battle strategies. I like the cha-cha maneuver. I remember this one time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'm sorry. I'm going to cut you off right there. But this debate isn't about the god Mars. It's about the planet Mars.
MARS: The space rock?
SANDEN TOTTEN: It's a planet.
MARS: Well, does this planet have a super cool chariot that you can ride into battle?
SANDEN TOTTEN: It has several rovers. You know those cool robotic vehicles that humans sent to Mars on rocket ships?
MARS: You don't need a rocket ship to reach me. I'm very available.
SANDEN TOTTEN: [CHUCKLES] That's apparent, sir. Now, would you mind leaving so I can talk about the planet Mars?
MARS: Yeah, whatever.
[DOOR SLAMS CLOSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: As I was saying, when it comes to Mars, it's important to start at the beginning. If you didn't already know, Mars is one of the closest planets to Earth. It's like our special red neighbor. Humans are fascinated with Mars. And one of our most ambitious goals is flying there.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JARS: Hello there, fellow mortal, 'tis I, Jars, not Mars. You can tell I'm different because I have a mustache. I was just talking with my mortal mother, and we were wondering why anyone would want to go to a planet named after a super cool deity in the first place.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Well, [CLEARS THROAT] Jars, Mars, the planet, has so much to offer. By sending rovers there, we can study how it works and learn more about planets in the process. It's got epic features, like red sand dunes, and the biggest volcano in the solar system. And there might be microscopic living things there today, or maybe there were some in the past.
I mean, just imagine, what if we discovered that Earth wasn't the only place in the solar system with living things? [BLOWS] Mind-blowning, right?
JARS: Wow, that's a really frustrating list. Anyway, I gotta go plan my funeral because like I said, I am definitely a mortal. Toodaloo!
[DOOR SLAMS CLOSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow. [CHUCKLES] Some people really can't take a hint. Anyway, Mars, the planet, has been inspiring people for centuries. And don't take my word for it. Just ask ancient astronomer, Ptolemy.
PTOLEMY: That's right. My observations on the planet Mars helped me figure out how planets orbit the sun. I even wrote a whole astronomy manual about it, the Almagest. Thanks in part to Mars, my book became one of the most important scientific texts of all time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: That's-- [SCOFFS] that's incredible. But you don't need to read a scientific manual to learn about Mars because this planet is the backdrop for tons of awesome science fiction. That's why we know about so many cool fictional Martians. Sometimes they're scary, like in War of the Worlds and Mars Attacks!
WOMAN: Run for your life. It's a bunch of Martians.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
MAN: Oh my god!
SANDEN TOTTEN: Other times, they're fun, like in Looney Tunes.
WOMAN: Laugh for your life. It's a bunch of Martians.
[LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Humans are so fascinated with Mars that NASA is planning to send people there and even set up bases. Just imagine, a decade from now, humans could be living on Mars and maybe someday using it as a launch pad to explore the rest of space.
JARS: Whoa, that's wild. Oh, hey, I'm back and definitely still mortal.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mars is constantly teaching us about planets, about space, about our solar system. It sparked our imaginations and given us loads of stories to entertain us for generations. And it sparked our curiosity and inspired us to do amazing scientific feats. And someday humans might be living on its red, rocky surface.
JARS: Plus it was named after a really cool guy with a great chariot who we should be really nice to.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You know what, you are correct because whether you're talking about an awesome planet or a rad Roman god, Mars is an incredible friend we should all adore.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, how amazing you're able to book that cool mortal Jars for your declaration of greatness.
SANDEN TOTTEN: He just showed up. I'm not exactly sure who checks the security at this studio. People just coming and going.
MOLLY BLOOM: Incredible. Coralie, what stood out to you about Sanden's declaration of greatness?
CORALIE: I really liked the point that was made about the science fiction. Mars is a very inspiring planet, I will say that. Also, reaching Mars, that would just be so cool.
SANDEN TOTTEN: It could happen in your lifetime. You could be on one of those ships. And yeah, it's, like, it is a great place for science fiction, from the early days when people looked up and thought they saw canals and wrote all about a Martian civilization to just a couple years ago when we had that book, The Martian, where they were growing potatoes with human poop on a planet. I mean, that's just wild fantasy right there. If you like fantasy, Mars is your planet.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Mark, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why Mars is bizarre. You've got 30 seconds, and your time starts now.
MARK POPINCHALK: Look, I'm not going to deny that Mars has some great fiction, but it's time for some faction because the truth of the matter is, if you're trying to live on Mars, you're going to have a tough time. The soil on the ground is actually toxic to humans. And all the water that happens on its surface is also going to have those toxic chemicals in it as well. So it's going to be a tough time.
And I like the idea of all the cool features that are on the surface. But I've seen better features on a slice of salami. Mars is not nearly as interesting--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: So you bring a water filter to Mars. Brita, the Martian variety. No big deal. Also, salami is beautiful.
[LAUGHTER]
MARK POPINCHALK: Talk about it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: All those little shapes and colors in there, I could get lost in a slice of salami.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Mark, it is your turn. Please tell us why Saturn slays.
MARK POPINCHALK: I'm not going to make a declaration of greatness.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm going to make a declaration of victory because if you ask me, this contest was over before it even began. It doesn't matter if it's Mars or Jupiter or any planet in our solar system, Saturn has them all beat for one simple reason, rings. Rings represent greatness. Rings are worn by kings and queens, by champion athletes, by winners.
And you're stepping into the ring with a planet that has all the rings, more rings than any hobbit, (OLD MAN'S VOICE) the Shire, more rings than Beyoncé, (SINGING) woo-hoo-hoo, more rings even than Michael Jordan.
[BALL SHOOTS IN RING]
[CHEERS]
Saturn's rings are over 45,000 miles wide. That's basically the same as lining up 10 Earths side by side. So give it up to the unpassable giant of gas, [FART SOUND] the one, the only, Saturn!
Saturn is one of the largest planets in our solar system. It's made of mostly gas. And of course, it has an incredible ring system, mostly made of ice. That's right, its rings are made of ice. If you need more convincing that Saturn's rings are stupendous, well, then let me tell you about the first person to ever see them, one of the greatest scientists of all time, Galileo.
GALILEO: Buongiorno. Mi chiamo GG. Piacere.
MARK POPINCHALK: Galileo is one of the first people to turn a telescope towards the sky over 400 years ago. He looked at the moon and was the first to see craters on the lunar surface.
- La luna é bellisima.
MARK POPINCHALK: He looked at Jupiter and was the first to see moons orbiting it.
GALILEO: Quattro fili di Giove?
MARK POPINCHALK: But when he turned his telescope to Saturn, he had no idea what he was seeing. He wrote in his notebook--
GALILEO: Che chosa, Saturno ha orecchie?
MARK POPINCHALK: And that means, what, Saturn has ears? Saturn's rings are so unusual they stupefied the original scientist. I remember being similarly astounded by them. In college, I used to invite my friends to come by and see the beautiful rings using a telescope.
Unless you have a big scope, most planets look like little circles. But when I first looked at Saturn, I could see with my own eyes details on a planet almost a billion miles away. I felt transported there, and I always found it hard to stop looking. And there's still more to discover about this amazing planet, since Saturn keeps revealing the coolest, strangest, most iconic features.
It has over 140 moons. It has winds up to 1,000 miles per hour. It even has a storm at its pole in the shape of a hexagon, as if some giant bee was making a honeycomb there. Saturn is named after the Roman god, Saturn. And the Romans also named their favorite holiday after it, too.
Saturnalia was a whole week of celebrations. I bet you listeners would love to take a week off and spend all your time celebrating Saturn. But don't worry, you actually celebrate it every week on the best day of the week, Saturday, or really, Saturn Day. It's the best day sharing a name with the best planet.
So now you see what I see. Saturn has the rings to ring every bell, has been wowing astronomers for hundreds of years, and it celebrates the weekend with us every Saturday. Give it up for Saturn!
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, that argument left me as happy as a Saturday night. Coralie, what stood out to you about Mark's declaration of greatness?
CORALIE: I liked the points about the rings. And I think it's cool that they're made of ice. And also, well, I've seen drawings of Saturn with the hexagon storm at the top, and I always thought that was just really cool. And also, mention of Lord of the Rings, I like that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice. All right, Sanden, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why Saturn stinks. You've got 30 seconds, and your time starts now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, yeah, you like Lord of the Rings? Mars has the biggest volcano in the solar system. Mordor much? And you could never go and visit those cool features on Saturn, but you could maybe one day walk on Mars and stroll the sand dunes. Plus, it's a planet populated entirely by robots right now, which both is really cool and shows you how much Mars has challenged humans to do our best and come up with cool technologies.
Plus what's with all those rings, Saturn, compensating much? Because if we took that away, you're just little-bitty junior Jupiter. You're not even that special, just another gas giant.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
MARK POPINCHALK: If you want to talk about junior planets right now, you got to watch out because it is not-- we're not even in the same weight class. Saturn is a thousand times more massive than Mars. This isn't a size competition--
[LAUGHTER]
--is it? Because I probably would have picked a different planet. If you put Mars next to Saturn, it would be the same-- close to similar size to one of the moons. Like Titan, its biggest moon, that's closer to size than Mars than it is to Saturn.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And why so many moons, over 140? Mars, we just have two. You need one and a backup one in case the first one goes down. That's it.
MARK POPINCHALK: What Mars did is capture two potato-shaped rocks from outer space, and it's calling them moons. They are embarrassments to the name moon.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You are insulting potatoes, sir, one of my favorite foods. Potatoes, cook them, mash them, put them in a stew, Lord of the Rings reference.
MOLLY BLOOM: Honestly, I could listen to you two talk about planets all day. But Coralie, it is time to award some points. Please give one point to the declaration of greatness that you liked best and one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic absolutely astonishing? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Have you made your decision?
CORALIE: Yes, I have.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Mark and Sanden, how are you two feeling so far?
MARK POPINCHALK: I'm feeling like I'm coming in with a lot of aggression, and so I'm just going to have to ride that wave to the end. So, Sanden, please don't take it personally. Mars, you definitely should because I'm coming for you.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I feel like Mark Watney in The Martian standing on a planet, a little trepidatious but also, I can bounce around because it's one-third the gravity. It's pretty cool. Does that make any sense? Should I do that again?
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, I enjoyed it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'm feeling excited. Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, it's time for a quick break. Rev up your rover and polish your rings.
CORALIE: And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: You're listening to State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Hey there, debatanistas, Taylor Lincoln here. I'm back from Paris Fashion Week. And I'm truly excited to be here with the cashmere to my sweater, Todd Douglas.
TODD DOUGLAS: Welcome back, Taylor. So great to see you. Have you done something new to your hair?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: It's called a side mullet. And it was all the rage on the runway. I did it myself at the plane trip home.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hmm, shaved on one side and a full head of hair on the other, very fashion forward.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Merci. Any fantasy-related incidents happen while I was away?
TODD DOUGLAS: Oh, and how have I got an appeal to emotion fallacy for you.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh, appeal to emotion is when someone tries to win an argument by playing on your emotions, like fear or envy or pity, instead of using facts.
TODD DOUGLAS: Exactly. And this one might just appeal to your sense of style and debate.
[FILM ROLLING]
BRAITH: Hey, Sim.
SIM: Hey, Braith. [CHUCKLES] Looking good as always.
BRAITH: Check out my new necklace bling.
SIM: Wow, that's so shiny. Nice.
BRAITH: It's by the designer Les Marne. They're so hot right now. You could really up your fashion game if you started wearing a Les Marne necklace yourself.
SIM: Necklaces are cool, but I'm more of a sneakerhead. You do you, though.
BRAITH: But you have to agree, necklaces are better. Les Marne would be so sad if they heard you talking about their chosen art form like that. And a sad Les Marne is a pitiful thing to see. So just admit necklaces are better, OK?
[BUZZER]
TAYLOR LINCOLN: [IMITATES SIREN SOUND] Someone call the fallacy and fashion police.
TODD DOUGLAS: Touché, Taylor. It sounds like Braith is trying to play on Sim's emotions to get them to agree to their point.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: That argument makes about as much sense as stripes and plaids, no way.
TODD DOUGLAS: Speaking of style, have you thought about giving your hairdresser a call, you know, just for a touch-up?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: No. We'll see you next time on--
BOTH: State of Debate.
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Brains On Universe is a family of podcasts for kids and their adults. Since you're a fan of Smash Boom Best, we know you'll love the other shows in our universe. Come on, let's explore.
MARTIAN: Smash Boom Best, I'm their biggest fan. I also love Brains On, a fun science podcast for kids. Listen, I will play you Brains On. You will love.
MOLLY BLOOM: Today we're going to turn our attention to blood suckers that do exist.
GIRL: Some of them you've probably heard of, like mosquitoes, ticks, and lice.
MOLLY BLOOM: But others might surprise you. Like, did you know that some birds drink blood?
[BUZZER]
MARTIAN: Zorp! Where did the signal go? Must find Brains On now!
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Listen to Brains On wherever you get your podcasts.
MAN 1: Smash.
MAN 2: Boom.
MAN 1: Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
CORALIE: And I'm your judge, Coralie.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this mythical debate idea from Ethan and Leo.
ETHAN: My name is Ethan.
LEO: And my name is Leo.
ETHAN: And we're from--
BOTH: Chicago, Illinois.
ETHAN: My debate idea is basilisks versus chimera.
MOLLY BLOOM: Basilisks versus chimeras.
CORALIE: Killer debate idea.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side Ethan and Leo think should win.
CORALIE: And now it's back to our debate, Mars versus Saturn.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Micro Round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For the Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. For Sanden and Mark, the prompt was "spa day." We asked the debaters to walk us through a spa inspired by their side and tell us why their planet is the best place to get some TLC.
Sanden went first last time. So Mark, you're up. Tell us how to soothe our souls with your Saturn-inspired spa.
MARK POPINCHALK: Enjoy a spa day.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): The Saturn way.
MARK POPINCHALK: With over 140 moons, Saturn has a spa experience for everyone.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): Lunar luxury.
MARK POPINCHALK: You've heard of weight loss? No, no, not here. Instead, try weightlessness. On the moon Mimas, the gravity is 1% that of Earth. All your worries will feel lighter.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): Minimal gravity, minimal worries.
MARK POPINCHALK: Need to cool off or sit in a steamy sauna? Head to the moon Enceladus, where you can cool yourself on the icy surface, then ride a geyser down to a heated saltwater ocean conveniently located under 10 miles of ice.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): A water park and a spa.
MARK POPINCHALK: Looking for a new kind of hydration? Try Saturn's moon Titan, where instead of boring old water, the lakes are filled with beautifying methane and ethane.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): Hydrocarbons are great for the skin.
MARK POPINCHALK: And don't worry, Saturn is also able to get in on the relaxation as it's the only planet so light it would float in water if you had a bathtub big enough for it.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): It would take 150 Earths and 100,000 oceans to fill up this hypothetical bathtub.
MARK POPINCHALK: So head out into the outer solar system, stop worrying about that thing and just take in the rings. Enjoy a spa day--
WOMAN (WHISPERING): The Saturn way.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, it sounds like my ideal spa because I love spas that come with lots of whispering. I can't wait. All right, Sanden, it is your turn to lead us through your Mars-themed spa.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Look at you, you're tired. You're haggard. It's been a long week. No, it's been a long life. You need some you time. You need Red Planet Oasis.
[ANGELIC CHOIR SINGING]
Just hop into our patented Serenity Spaceship and travel the itty-bitty 140 million miles to Mars. Once there, you'll find priceless amenities, like our galactic mineral bath, filled with ample amounts of magnesium, aluminum, titanium, and iron, all of the chemical elements needed to detoxify and renew your sense of self, or scrub away your troubles with our sandstone massage. It'll melt away your tension and make your problems, poof, disappear.
Then, bask in the rejuvenating powers of our popular Martian mineral mud wrap, inspired by the rich red soils of the Martian landscape. If you haven't covered your body in volcanic clay, which can reduce inflammation, prevent infection, and improve skin elasticity, well, then you haven't lived.
Is it time to return to Earth? No, no, not before you step into our Rover rain shower, which delicately cleanses your weary skin with a cascade of polar permafrost ice crystals. Ah, a refreshing end to your luxurious Mars experience. So we'll see you at the Red Planet Oasis, where earthly stress meets [SIGHS] Martian tranquility. [SIGHS]
And there's no rings on our tub, I'll just say. We cleaned them good.
MOLLY BLOOM: I mean, seriously, book me a ticket on that spaceship. I need some relaxation. And that sounds amazing. All right, Coralie, what did you like about Sanden and Mark's micro rounds?
CORALIE: I liked the moon theme, where it's like a spa for every moon. And also, the Red Planet Oasis, the mud and all the minerals that can be found in it, that sounds very luxurious.
MOLLY BLOOM: It sounds incredible.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Just to clarify, lots of toxins in there as well. I mean, to be fair, I don't think either planet would really be a great place to relax.
[LAUGHTER]
CORALIE: True.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Coralie, it is time to award a point. The criteria are completely subjective and completely up to you. Did one of these spas sound like a place you'd want to visit, a relaxing spa? Did they sneak in some facts? Have you made your decision.
CORALIE: Yes, I have.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for our third round, the super stealthy--
MAN: A-ha hoo-ha!
MOLLY BLOOM: --Sneak Attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's Sneak Attack is called the Old Switcheroo. In this challenge, each debater will be asked to read a paragraph about the other side. But every time Sanden reads a word that starts with the letter S for Saturn, they have to switch the letter to an M for Mars.
And every time Mark reads a word with the letter M for Mars, he'll have to switch the letter to an S for Saturn. So, for example, if Sanden was up and the sentence was, Saturn is a stupendous planet, Sanden would have to say, Maturn is a matupendous planet. Does that make sense, debaters?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Manden is super ready to do this, Molly.
MARK POPINCHALK: So is Sark.
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect. Well, here we go, debaters. We're going to start with Sanden. Let's hear you do the Old Switcheroo reading a paragraph about Saturn with every S word switched to an M word.
SANDEN TOTTEN: OK, [EXHALES] you got this, Manden. Maturn is named after the Roman god, Maturn. And the Romans also named their favorite holiday after it, too. Maturnalia was a whole week of celebrations. I bet you listeners would love to take a week off and mend all of your time celebrating Maturn.
But don't worry, you actually already melebrate it every week-- celebrate it. Oh, shoot, the C got me, on the best day of the week, Maturday, or really, Maturn Day. It's the best day hearing a name with the best planet, [? Aw-hmm-hucks. ?]
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING] Wonderful job. Some tricky C's in there. All right, Mark, it's your turn. Let's hear you do the Old Switcheroo, turning all the M words in this paragraph to words that start with S.
MARK POPINCHALK: Mars the planet has so such to offer. By sending rovers there, we can study how it works and learn sore about planets in the process. It's full of resources we could use more of on Earth. And there say be microscopic things there today. Imagine how much it would change the world to discover Earth isn't the only place with living, soothing things, sagnificent.
MOLLY BLOOM: A wonderful job. I think there was one more that snuck--
MARK POPINCHALK: Oh, rats.
MOLLY BLOOM: --through the cracks there. Coralie, it's time to award your fourth point, but don't tell us who it's going to. Have you made your decision?
CORALIE: Yes, I think I have.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect Then it's time for our final round--
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: The Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Mark, let's hear your six words for stupendous Saturn.
MARK POPINCHALK: Beautiful rings, most moons, pick Saturn.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice. Sanden, it is your turn. Tell us about the many wonders of Mars.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Robots, water, life, question mark? This rock rocks.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent work. All right, Coralie, it is time to award a final point for this Final Six. Have you made your decision?
CORALIE: Yes, it was very hard.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness.
CORALIE: But I made my decision.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, tally up those points. Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
CORALIE: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drumroll, please. And the winner is--
CORALIE: Mars.
MARK POPINCHALK: Whoa.
[FANFARE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Whoa! Oh my gosh, I am blushing red just like the surface of Mars right now.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow. Coralie, what was your favorite moment of the debate?
CORALIE: It all came down to the Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that Final Six.
CORALIE: I really liked the point about water and potentially life because as a writer, that just gets my imagination, very excited about the possibilities.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, was it tied up until the Final Six?
CORALIE: It was.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness, as close as close can be.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mark, big fan here. I love you on Moment of Um. Mark, you did a great job representing Saturn. I love Saturn, too. It is such a cool planet. And I was just reading that Mars might have rings in 50 billion years or so, and its two moons might smash into each other. And I was just going to try to bring that up.
But I was like, even if they did, they wouldn't be as cool as Saturn's rings because I mean, it's just iconic, a style goddess for the solar system. Saturn is just amazing. So you represented it well.
MARK POPINCHALK: Thanks very much, Sanden. I appreciate that. Sanden, you did a great job bringing out the fantasy and the fiction that goes around with Mars. And it really is such an inspiring object. The idea that humans might be able to get there at some point is obviously such a cool concept.
And you can really stand on the surface of Saturn, it's true. You would get squished along the way. And you can't make stories about squished people. And so I do think you did a great job bringing in the kind of inspiration that Mars brings.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Have you heard of Flat Stanley?
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Coralie crowned Mars Smash Boom Best. But what about you?
CORALIE: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios. It's produced by me, Molly Bloom.
ANNA WEGGEL: Anna Weggel.
MOLLY BLOOM: And--
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Aron Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Gary O'Keefe, Haviva Saltz, and Michael Osborne with sound design by Anna Weggel. Our editors are--
SHAHLA FARZAN: Shahla Farzan.
MOLLY BLOOM: And--
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sanden Totten.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we had production help from the rest of the Brains On Universe team.
ROSIE DUPONT: Rosie DuPont.
RACHEL BREES: Rachel Brees.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Anna Goldfield, Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
RUBY GUTHRIE: Ruby Guthrie.
LAUREN HUMBERT: Lauren Humbert.
JESS MILLER: Jess Miller.
JOSHUA RAY: Joshua Ray.
MARK SANCHEZ: Mark Sanchez.
MOLLY BLOOM: And--
CHARLOTTE TRAVER: Charlotte Traver.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Perlman and the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati and Joann Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross and Taylor Kaufman. Sanden, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I want To give a shout-out to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory here in Pasadena because they used to let me come up there and ask some questions about Mars all the time when I was a science reporter, and shout-out to Aron Woldeslassie and Anna Weggel, who helped supply me with facts and jokes and ideas for this great debate.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Mark, any special shout-outs?
MARK POPINCHALK: Yeah, Saturn has a moon called Enceladus. And I also know a cat called Enceladus, too, so--
MOLLY BLOOM: Nice.
MARK POPINCHALK: Shout-out to that cat. And also my nibling, if you're listening, Uncle says hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Coralie, any special thanks or shout-outs?
CORALIE: I would like to thank my dad. And I'd like to thank the rest of my family and all the people who've helped me with more stories and my course teachers for helping me do all-state.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Before we go, let's check in and see who Ethan and Leo thinks should win the basilisks versus chimeras debate.
ETHAN: Basilisks should win because they can petrify you with their stare and have huge poisonous fangs.
MOLLY BLOOM: If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knock-down, drag-out debate, head to smashboom.org/contact and drop us a line. And make sure to subscribe to Brains On Universe on YouTube, where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. We'll be back with a new Smash Boom Best debate battle next week. Ta-ta!
CORALIE: Adios.
MARK POPINCHALK: Bye now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mee you mater.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
[THEME SONG] Ooh, you're the smash boom best
Ooh, put you through the test
Ooh, you're the smash boom best
Ooh, better than the rest
It's smash boom best
It's smash boom best
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mars has water like my grandfather has hair on his head. As in, there's not much on top.
[LAUGHTER]
CORALIE: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate features two powerful planets in a cosmic clash, it's Mars versus Saturn. We've got Brains On editor Sanden Totten ready to rep the red planet for team Mars.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Look up! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Earth's reddy buddy, Mars, here to shoot for the stars. Pew-pew!
MOLLY BLOOM: And astronomer Mark Popinchalk will glimmer for the gassy giant, Saturn.
MARK POPINCHALK: Bring it, din-din, Saturn is going to win.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Coralie from Georgia. Coralie has four younger siblings, loves to sing in her choir, and spends most of her time writing fantasy and fiction stories. Hi, Coralie.
CORALIE: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Coralie, is it really true that you've already written three books?
CORALIE: Yes, it's true. I really don't know exactly how I got it done, but I'm writing more every day.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, that's incredible. So how much time do you spend writing every day?
CORALIE: A lot. I write about as much as I read, which is about an hour every day, so.
MOLLY BLOOM: Super inspiring. So can you tell us what the books are about? Are they part of a series, or are they each like an individual book?
CORALIE: They're a part of a series, and it's fantasy. So the main character is a horse named Stormchaser. And there's these bad guys that are trying to take over the world, typical fantasy. And they go on a quest to save the world. But he has anxiety. So he finds these people in a ancient ruin city, and they help him conquer his fears.
MOLLY BLOOM: I love a relatable hero with a little bit of anxiety because who doesn't these days? So you're also in a choir. What kind of songs does your choir sing?
CORALIE: We sing all kinds, but I really like the contemporary choir songs, so like something a little not traditional, shake it up a little bit.
MOLLY BLOOM: So what's your favorite right now?
CORALIE: I really like Shady Grove, which is a folk song that I sang for all-state choir here in Athens.
MOLLY BLOOM: Nice. So do you have any feelings about Mars and Saturn already?
CORALIE: I do a little bit. I actually have two experiences with Mars and Saturn. So, for Mars, I am a gemstone nerd. And one day, I randomly had the question, can gemstones be found on Mars? So I looked it up, and my favorite gemstone, opals, can be found on Mars. So I think that's really cool.
And also, Saturn, it's one of the few planets that I've actually seen through a telescope. That was just an amazing experience to look up and see the rings of Saturn.
MOLLY BLOOM: Amazing. And I know you've heard a lot of episodes of this show, so do you have any advice for our debaters today?
CORALIE: The more fun facts, the better. I want to hear all the information about both of these planets.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent advice. Will Coralie side with Sanden or Mark? It's a mystery for the skies. Let's review the rules of the show before we get started. Every debate consists of four rounds, the Declaration of Greatness, the Micro Round, the Sneak Attack, and the Final Six. After each round, our judge, Coralie, will award points to the team that impresses her the most. But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate.
Listeners, we want you to judge, too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website, smashboom.org, and vote for whichever team you think won. All right, Sanden, Mark, and Coralie, are you ready?
CORALIE: Yes.
Oh, yeah.
I'm ready. Let's do this.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Sanden, you're up first. Tell us what makes Mars so Mars-nificent.
SANDEN TOTTEN: When it comes to Mars, I think it's important to start at the beginning.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MARS: Hello, mortals, 'tis I, Mars, God of War. A little birdie told me you were having a whole debate about me. [CHUCKLES] That's so flattering. You know, not many people like war anymore, so it's nice to see that I still have fans.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, wow, this is awkward.
MARS: Awkward? Pish-posh. There's nothing awkward about a Roman god hanging out with a mortal discussing his favorite battle strategies. I like the cha-cha maneuver. I remember this one time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'm sorry. I'm going to cut you off right there. But this debate isn't about the god Mars. It's about the planet Mars.
MARS: The space rock?
SANDEN TOTTEN: It's a planet.
MARS: Well, does this planet have a super cool chariot that you can ride into battle?
SANDEN TOTTEN: It has several rovers. You know those cool robotic vehicles that humans sent to Mars on rocket ships?
MARS: You don't need a rocket ship to reach me. I'm very available.
SANDEN TOTTEN: [CHUCKLES] That's apparent, sir. Now, would you mind leaving so I can talk about the planet Mars?
MARS: Yeah, whatever.
[DOOR SLAMS CLOSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: As I was saying, when it comes to Mars, it's important to start at the beginning. If you didn't already know, Mars is one of the closest planets to Earth. It's like our special red neighbor. Humans are fascinated with Mars. And one of our most ambitious goals is flying there.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JARS: Hello there, fellow mortal, 'tis I, Jars, not Mars. You can tell I'm different because I have a mustache. I was just talking with my mortal mother, and we were wondering why anyone would want to go to a planet named after a super cool deity in the first place.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Well, [CLEARS THROAT] Jars, Mars, the planet, has so much to offer. By sending rovers there, we can study how it works and learn more about planets in the process. It's got epic features, like red sand dunes, and the biggest volcano in the solar system. And there might be microscopic living things there today, or maybe there were some in the past.
I mean, just imagine, what if we discovered that Earth wasn't the only place in the solar system with living things? [BLOWS] Mind-blowning, right?
JARS: Wow, that's a really frustrating list. Anyway, I gotta go plan my funeral because like I said, I am definitely a mortal. Toodaloo!
[DOOR SLAMS CLOSE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow. [CHUCKLES] Some people really can't take a hint. Anyway, Mars, the planet, has been inspiring people for centuries. And don't take my word for it. Just ask ancient astronomer, Ptolemy.
PTOLEMY: That's right. My observations on the planet Mars helped me figure out how planets orbit the sun. I even wrote a whole astronomy manual about it, the Almagest. Thanks in part to Mars, my book became one of the most important scientific texts of all time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: That's-- [SCOFFS] that's incredible. But you don't need to read a scientific manual to learn about Mars because this planet is the backdrop for tons of awesome science fiction. That's why we know about so many cool fictional Martians. Sometimes they're scary, like in War of the Worlds and Mars Attacks!
WOMAN: Run for your life. It's a bunch of Martians.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
MAN: Oh my god!
SANDEN TOTTEN: Other times, they're fun, like in Looney Tunes.
WOMAN: Laugh for your life. It's a bunch of Martians.
[LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Humans are so fascinated with Mars that NASA is planning to send people there and even set up bases. Just imagine, a decade from now, humans could be living on Mars and maybe someday using it as a launch pad to explore the rest of space.
JARS: Whoa, that's wild. Oh, hey, I'm back and definitely still mortal.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mars is constantly teaching us about planets, about space, about our solar system. It sparked our imaginations and given us loads of stories to entertain us for generations. And it sparked our curiosity and inspired us to do amazing scientific feats. And someday humans might be living on its red, rocky surface.
JARS: Plus it was named after a really cool guy with a great chariot who we should be really nice to.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You know what, you are correct because whether you're talking about an awesome planet or a rad Roman god, Mars is an incredible friend we should all adore.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, how amazing you're able to book that cool mortal Jars for your declaration of greatness.
SANDEN TOTTEN: He just showed up. I'm not exactly sure who checks the security at this studio. People just coming and going.
MOLLY BLOOM: Incredible. Coralie, what stood out to you about Sanden's declaration of greatness?
CORALIE: I really liked the point that was made about the science fiction. Mars is a very inspiring planet, I will say that. Also, reaching Mars, that would just be so cool.
SANDEN TOTTEN: It could happen in your lifetime. You could be on one of those ships. And yeah, it's, like, it is a great place for science fiction, from the early days when people looked up and thought they saw canals and wrote all about a Martian civilization to just a couple years ago when we had that book, The Martian, where they were growing potatoes with human poop on a planet. I mean, that's just wild fantasy right there. If you like fantasy, Mars is your planet.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Mark, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why Mars is bizarre. You've got 30 seconds, and your time starts now.
MARK POPINCHALK: Look, I'm not going to deny that Mars has some great fiction, but it's time for some faction because the truth of the matter is, if you're trying to live on Mars, you're going to have a tough time. The soil on the ground is actually toxic to humans. And all the water that happens on its surface is also going to have those toxic chemicals in it as well. So it's going to be a tough time.
And I like the idea of all the cool features that are on the surface. But I've seen better features on a slice of salami. Mars is not nearly as interesting--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: So you bring a water filter to Mars. Brita, the Martian variety. No big deal. Also, salami is beautiful.
[LAUGHTER]
MARK POPINCHALK: Talk about it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: All those little shapes and colors in there, I could get lost in a slice of salami.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Mark, it is your turn. Please tell us why Saturn slays.
MARK POPINCHALK: I'm not going to make a declaration of greatness.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm going to make a declaration of victory because if you ask me, this contest was over before it even began. It doesn't matter if it's Mars or Jupiter or any planet in our solar system, Saturn has them all beat for one simple reason, rings. Rings represent greatness. Rings are worn by kings and queens, by champion athletes, by winners.
And you're stepping into the ring with a planet that has all the rings, more rings than any hobbit, (OLD MAN'S VOICE) the Shire, more rings than Beyoncé, (SINGING) woo-hoo-hoo, more rings even than Michael Jordan.
[BALL SHOOTS IN RING]
[CHEERS]
Saturn's rings are over 45,000 miles wide. That's basically the same as lining up 10 Earths side by side. So give it up to the unpassable giant of gas, [FART SOUND] the one, the only, Saturn!
Saturn is one of the largest planets in our solar system. It's made of mostly gas. And of course, it has an incredible ring system, mostly made of ice. That's right, its rings are made of ice. If you need more convincing that Saturn's rings are stupendous, well, then let me tell you about the first person to ever see them, one of the greatest scientists of all time, Galileo.
GALILEO: Buongiorno. Mi chiamo GG. Piacere.
MARK POPINCHALK: Galileo is one of the first people to turn a telescope towards the sky over 400 years ago. He looked at the moon and was the first to see craters on the lunar surface.
- La luna é bellisima.
MARK POPINCHALK: He looked at Jupiter and was the first to see moons orbiting it.
GALILEO: Quattro fili di Giove?
MARK POPINCHALK: But when he turned his telescope to Saturn, he had no idea what he was seeing. He wrote in his notebook--
GALILEO: Che chosa, Saturno ha orecchie?
MARK POPINCHALK: And that means, what, Saturn has ears? Saturn's rings are so unusual they stupefied the original scientist. I remember being similarly astounded by them. In college, I used to invite my friends to come by and see the beautiful rings using a telescope.
Unless you have a big scope, most planets look like little circles. But when I first looked at Saturn, I could see with my own eyes details on a planet almost a billion miles away. I felt transported there, and I always found it hard to stop looking. And there's still more to discover about this amazing planet, since Saturn keeps revealing the coolest, strangest, most iconic features.
It has over 140 moons. It has winds up to 1,000 miles per hour. It even has a storm at its pole in the shape of a hexagon, as if some giant bee was making a honeycomb there. Saturn is named after the Roman god, Saturn. And the Romans also named their favorite holiday after it, too.
Saturnalia was a whole week of celebrations. I bet you listeners would love to take a week off and spend all your time celebrating Saturn. But don't worry, you actually celebrate it every week on the best day of the week, Saturday, or really, Saturn Day. It's the best day sharing a name with the best planet.
So now you see what I see. Saturn has the rings to ring every bell, has been wowing astronomers for hundreds of years, and it celebrates the weekend with us every Saturday. Give it up for Saturn!
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, that argument left me as happy as a Saturday night. Coralie, what stood out to you about Mark's declaration of greatness?
CORALIE: I liked the points about the rings. And I think it's cool that they're made of ice. And also, well, I've seen drawings of Saturn with the hexagon storm at the top, and I always thought that was just really cool. And also, mention of Lord of the Rings, I like that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice. All right, Sanden, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why Saturn stinks. You've got 30 seconds, and your time starts now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, yeah, you like Lord of the Rings? Mars has the biggest volcano in the solar system. Mordor much? And you could never go and visit those cool features on Saturn, but you could maybe one day walk on Mars and stroll the sand dunes. Plus, it's a planet populated entirely by robots right now, which both is really cool and shows you how much Mars has challenged humans to do our best and come up with cool technologies.
Plus what's with all those rings, Saturn, compensating much? Because if we took that away, you're just little-bitty junior Jupiter. You're not even that special, just another gas giant.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
MARK POPINCHALK: If you want to talk about junior planets right now, you got to watch out because it is not-- we're not even in the same weight class. Saturn is a thousand times more massive than Mars. This isn't a size competition--
[LAUGHTER]
--is it? Because I probably would have picked a different planet. If you put Mars next to Saturn, it would be the same-- close to similar size to one of the moons. Like Titan, its biggest moon, that's closer to size than Mars than it is to Saturn.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And why so many moons, over 140? Mars, we just have two. You need one and a backup one in case the first one goes down. That's it.
MARK POPINCHALK: What Mars did is capture two potato-shaped rocks from outer space, and it's calling them moons. They are embarrassments to the name moon.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You are insulting potatoes, sir, one of my favorite foods. Potatoes, cook them, mash them, put them in a stew, Lord of the Rings reference.
MOLLY BLOOM: Honestly, I could listen to you two talk about planets all day. But Coralie, it is time to award some points. Please give one point to the declaration of greatness that you liked best and one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic absolutely astonishing? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Have you made your decision?
CORALIE: Yes, I have.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Mark and Sanden, how are you two feeling so far?
MARK POPINCHALK: I'm feeling like I'm coming in with a lot of aggression, and so I'm just going to have to ride that wave to the end. So, Sanden, please don't take it personally. Mars, you definitely should because I'm coming for you.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I feel like Mark Watney in The Martian standing on a planet, a little trepidatious but also, I can bounce around because it's one-third the gravity. It's pretty cool. Does that make any sense? Should I do that again?
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, I enjoyed it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'm feeling excited. Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, it's time for a quick break. Rev up your rover and polish your rings.
CORALIE: And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: You're listening to State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Hey there, debatanistas, Taylor Lincoln here. I'm back from Paris Fashion Week. And I'm truly excited to be here with the cashmere to my sweater, Todd Douglas.
TODD DOUGLAS: Welcome back, Taylor. So great to see you. Have you done something new to your hair?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: It's called a side mullet. And it was all the rage on the runway. I did it myself at the plane trip home.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hmm, shaved on one side and a full head of hair on the other, very fashion forward.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Merci. Any fantasy-related incidents happen while I was away?
TODD DOUGLAS: Oh, and how have I got an appeal to emotion fallacy for you.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh, appeal to emotion is when someone tries to win an argument by playing on your emotions, like fear or envy or pity, instead of using facts.
TODD DOUGLAS: Exactly. And this one might just appeal to your sense of style and debate.
[FILM ROLLING]
BRAITH: Hey, Sim.
SIM: Hey, Braith. [CHUCKLES] Looking good as always.
BRAITH: Check out my new necklace bling.
SIM: Wow, that's so shiny. Nice.
BRAITH: It's by the designer Les Marne. They're so hot right now. You could really up your fashion game if you started wearing a Les Marne necklace yourself.
SIM: Necklaces are cool, but I'm more of a sneakerhead. You do you, though.
BRAITH: But you have to agree, necklaces are better. Les Marne would be so sad if they heard you talking about their chosen art form like that. And a sad Les Marne is a pitiful thing to see. So just admit necklaces are better, OK?
[BUZZER]
TAYLOR LINCOLN: [IMITATES SIREN SOUND] Someone call the fallacy and fashion police.
TODD DOUGLAS: Touché, Taylor. It sounds like Braith is trying to play on Sim's emotions to get them to agree to their point.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: That argument makes about as much sense as stripes and plaids, no way.
TODD DOUGLAS: Speaking of style, have you thought about giving your hairdresser a call, you know, just for a touch-up?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: No. We'll see you next time on--
BOTH: State of Debate.
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Brains On Universe is a family of podcasts for kids and their adults. Since you're a fan of Smash Boom Best, we know you'll love the other shows in our universe. Come on, let's explore.
MARTIAN: Smash Boom Best, I'm their biggest fan. I also love Brains On, a fun science podcast for kids. Listen, I will play you Brains On. You will love.
MOLLY BLOOM: Today we're going to turn our attention to blood suckers that do exist.
GIRL: Some of them you've probably heard of, like mosquitoes, ticks, and lice.
MOLLY BLOOM: But others might surprise you. Like, did you know that some birds drink blood?
[BUZZER]
MARTIAN: Zorp! Where did the signal go? Must find Brains On now!
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Listen to Brains On wherever you get your podcasts.
MAN 1: Smash.
MAN 2: Boom.
MAN 1: Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
CORALIE: And I'm your judge, Coralie.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this mythical debate idea from Ethan and Leo.
ETHAN: My name is Ethan.
LEO: And my name is Leo.
ETHAN: And we're from--
BOTH: Chicago, Illinois.
ETHAN: My debate idea is basilisks versus chimera.
MOLLY BLOOM: Basilisks versus chimeras.
CORALIE: Killer debate idea.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side Ethan and Leo think should win.
CORALIE: And now it's back to our debate, Mars versus Saturn.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Micro Round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For the Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. For Sanden and Mark, the prompt was "spa day." We asked the debaters to walk us through a spa inspired by their side and tell us why their planet is the best place to get some TLC.
Sanden went first last time. So Mark, you're up. Tell us how to soothe our souls with your Saturn-inspired spa.
MARK POPINCHALK: Enjoy a spa day.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): The Saturn way.
MARK POPINCHALK: With over 140 moons, Saturn has a spa experience for everyone.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): Lunar luxury.
MARK POPINCHALK: You've heard of weight loss? No, no, not here. Instead, try weightlessness. On the moon Mimas, the gravity is 1% that of Earth. All your worries will feel lighter.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): Minimal gravity, minimal worries.
MARK POPINCHALK: Need to cool off or sit in a steamy sauna? Head to the moon Enceladus, where you can cool yourself on the icy surface, then ride a geyser down to a heated saltwater ocean conveniently located under 10 miles of ice.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): A water park and a spa.
MARK POPINCHALK: Looking for a new kind of hydration? Try Saturn's moon Titan, where instead of boring old water, the lakes are filled with beautifying methane and ethane.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): Hydrocarbons are great for the skin.
MARK POPINCHALK: And don't worry, Saturn is also able to get in on the relaxation as it's the only planet so light it would float in water if you had a bathtub big enough for it.
WOMAN (WHISPERING): It would take 150 Earths and 100,000 oceans to fill up this hypothetical bathtub.
MARK POPINCHALK: So head out into the outer solar system, stop worrying about that thing and just take in the rings. Enjoy a spa day--
WOMAN (WHISPERING): The Saturn way.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, it sounds like my ideal spa because I love spas that come with lots of whispering. I can't wait. All right, Sanden, it is your turn to lead us through your Mars-themed spa.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Look at you, you're tired. You're haggard. It's been a long week. No, it's been a long life. You need some you time. You need Red Planet Oasis.
[ANGELIC CHOIR SINGING]
Just hop into our patented Serenity Spaceship and travel the itty-bitty 140 million miles to Mars. Once there, you'll find priceless amenities, like our galactic mineral bath, filled with ample amounts of magnesium, aluminum, titanium, and iron, all of the chemical elements needed to detoxify and renew your sense of self, or scrub away your troubles with our sandstone massage. It'll melt away your tension and make your problems, poof, disappear.
Then, bask in the rejuvenating powers of our popular Martian mineral mud wrap, inspired by the rich red soils of the Martian landscape. If you haven't covered your body in volcanic clay, which can reduce inflammation, prevent infection, and improve skin elasticity, well, then you haven't lived.
Is it time to return to Earth? No, no, not before you step into our Rover rain shower, which delicately cleanses your weary skin with a cascade of polar permafrost ice crystals. Ah, a refreshing end to your luxurious Mars experience. So we'll see you at the Red Planet Oasis, where earthly stress meets [SIGHS] Martian tranquility. [SIGHS]
And there's no rings on our tub, I'll just say. We cleaned them good.
MOLLY BLOOM: I mean, seriously, book me a ticket on that spaceship. I need some relaxation. And that sounds amazing. All right, Coralie, what did you like about Sanden and Mark's micro rounds?
CORALIE: I liked the moon theme, where it's like a spa for every moon. And also, the Red Planet Oasis, the mud and all the minerals that can be found in it, that sounds very luxurious.
MOLLY BLOOM: It sounds incredible.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Just to clarify, lots of toxins in there as well. I mean, to be fair, I don't think either planet would really be a great place to relax.
[LAUGHTER]
CORALIE: True.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Coralie, it is time to award a point. The criteria are completely subjective and completely up to you. Did one of these spas sound like a place you'd want to visit, a relaxing spa? Did they sneak in some facts? Have you made your decision.
CORALIE: Yes, I have.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for our third round, the super stealthy--
MAN: A-ha hoo-ha!
MOLLY BLOOM: --Sneak Attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's Sneak Attack is called the Old Switcheroo. In this challenge, each debater will be asked to read a paragraph about the other side. But every time Sanden reads a word that starts with the letter S for Saturn, they have to switch the letter to an M for Mars.
And every time Mark reads a word with the letter M for Mars, he'll have to switch the letter to an S for Saturn. So, for example, if Sanden was up and the sentence was, Saturn is a stupendous planet, Sanden would have to say, Maturn is a matupendous planet. Does that make sense, debaters?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Manden is super ready to do this, Molly.
MARK POPINCHALK: So is Sark.
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect. Well, here we go, debaters. We're going to start with Sanden. Let's hear you do the Old Switcheroo reading a paragraph about Saturn with every S word switched to an M word.
SANDEN TOTTEN: OK, [EXHALES] you got this, Manden. Maturn is named after the Roman god, Maturn. And the Romans also named their favorite holiday after it, too. Maturnalia was a whole week of celebrations. I bet you listeners would love to take a week off and mend all of your time celebrating Maturn.
But don't worry, you actually already melebrate it every week-- celebrate it. Oh, shoot, the C got me, on the best day of the week, Maturday, or really, Maturn Day. It's the best day hearing a name with the best planet, [? Aw-hmm-hucks. ?]
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING] Wonderful job. Some tricky C's in there. All right, Mark, it's your turn. Let's hear you do the Old Switcheroo, turning all the M words in this paragraph to words that start with S.
MARK POPINCHALK: Mars the planet has so such to offer. By sending rovers there, we can study how it works and learn sore about planets in the process. It's full of resources we could use more of on Earth. And there say be microscopic things there today. Imagine how much it would change the world to discover Earth isn't the only place with living, soothing things, sagnificent.
MOLLY BLOOM: A wonderful job. I think there was one more that snuck--
MARK POPINCHALK: Oh, rats.
MOLLY BLOOM: --through the cracks there. Coralie, it's time to award your fourth point, but don't tell us who it's going to. Have you made your decision?
CORALIE: Yes, I think I have.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect Then it's time for our final round--
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: The Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Mark, let's hear your six words for stupendous Saturn.
MARK POPINCHALK: Beautiful rings, most moons, pick Saturn.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice. Sanden, it is your turn. Tell us about the many wonders of Mars.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Robots, water, life, question mark? This rock rocks.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent work. All right, Coralie, it is time to award a final point for this Final Six. Have you made your decision?
CORALIE: Yes, it was very hard.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness.
CORALIE: But I made my decision.
[BELL DINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, tally up those points. Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
CORALIE: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drumroll, please. And the winner is--
CORALIE: Mars.
MARK POPINCHALK: Whoa.
[FANFARE]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Whoa! Oh my gosh, I am blushing red just like the surface of Mars right now.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow. Coralie, what was your favorite moment of the debate?
CORALIE: It all came down to the Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that Final Six.
CORALIE: I really liked the point about water and potentially life because as a writer, that just gets my imagination, very excited about the possibilities.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, was it tied up until the Final Six?
CORALIE: It was.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness, as close as close can be.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mark, big fan here. I love you on Moment of Um. Mark, you did a great job representing Saturn. I love Saturn, too. It is such a cool planet. And I was just reading that Mars might have rings in 50 billion years or so, and its two moons might smash into each other. And I was just going to try to bring that up.
But I was like, even if they did, they wouldn't be as cool as Saturn's rings because I mean, it's just iconic, a style goddess for the solar system. Saturn is just amazing. So you represented it well.
MARK POPINCHALK: Thanks very much, Sanden. I appreciate that. Sanden, you did a great job bringing out the fantasy and the fiction that goes around with Mars. And it really is such an inspiring object. The idea that humans might be able to get there at some point is obviously such a cool concept.
And you can really stand on the surface of Saturn, it's true. You would get squished along the way. And you can't make stories about squished people. And so I do think you did a great job bringing in the kind of inspiration that Mars brings.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Have you heard of Flat Stanley?
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Coralie crowned Mars Smash Boom Best. But what about you?
CORALIE: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios. It's produced by me, Molly Bloom.
ANNA WEGGEL: Anna Weggel.
MOLLY BLOOM: And--
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Aron Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Gary O'Keefe, Haviva Saltz, and Michael Osborne with sound design by Anna Weggel. Our editors are--
SHAHLA FARZAN: Shahla Farzan.
MOLLY BLOOM: And--
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sanden Totten.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we had production help from the rest of the Brains On Universe team.
ROSIE DUPONT: Rosie DuPont.
RACHEL BREES: Rachel Brees.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Anna Goldfield, Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
RUBY GUTHRIE: Ruby Guthrie.
LAUREN HUMBERT: Lauren Humbert.
JESS MILLER: Jess Miller.
JOSHUA RAY: Joshua Ray.
MARK SANCHEZ: Mark Sanchez.
MOLLY BLOOM: And--
CHARLOTTE TRAVER: Charlotte Traver.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Perlman and the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati and Joann Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross and Taylor Kaufman. Sanden, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I want To give a shout-out to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory here in Pasadena because they used to let me come up there and ask some questions about Mars all the time when I was a science reporter, and shout-out to Aron Woldeslassie and Anna Weggel, who helped supply me with facts and jokes and ideas for this great debate.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Mark, any special shout-outs?
MARK POPINCHALK: Yeah, Saturn has a moon called Enceladus. And I also know a cat called Enceladus, too, so--
MOLLY BLOOM: Nice.
MARK POPINCHALK: Shout-out to that cat. And also my nibling, if you're listening, Uncle says hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Coralie, any special thanks or shout-outs?
CORALIE: I would like to thank my dad. And I'd like to thank the rest of my family and all the people who've helped me with more stories and my course teachers for helping me do all-state.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Before we go, let's check in and see who Ethan and Leo thinks should win the basilisks versus chimeras debate.
ETHAN: Basilisks should win because they can petrify you with their stare and have huge poisonous fangs.
MOLLY BLOOM: If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knock-down, drag-out debate, head to smashboom.org/contact and drop us a line. And make sure to subscribe to Brains On Universe on YouTube, where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. We'll be back with a new Smash Boom Best debate battle next week. Ta-ta!
CORALIE: Adios.
MARK POPINCHALK: Bye now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mee you mater.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
[THEME SONG] Ooh, you're the smash boom best
Ooh, put you through the test
Ooh, you're the smash boom best
Ooh, better than the rest
It's smash boom best
It's smash boom best
SANDEN TOTTEN: Mars has water like my grandfather has hair on his head. As in, there's not much on top.
[LAUGHTER]
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