Godfrey Hibbert
You’re in for some bouncy, duck-billed fun from “down undah!” It’s kangaroos vs. platypuses. Comedian and writer Allison Reese reps kangaroos in a beastly brawl with platypus-fan and Brains On! co-creator Sanden Totten. Which creature will come out on top? Paddling platypuses? Or kickin’ kangas?
Vote below for the team YOU think won!
This episode was sponsored by:
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Audio Transcript
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ANNOUNCER 1: From the brains behind the Brains On!, its Smash Boom Best.
ANNOUNCER 2: The show for people with big opinions
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things-- smash them together and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a bouncy duck-billed brawl between two awesome animals from down under. It's kangaroos versus platypuses. In one corner, we have comedian and writer, Allison Reese, defending kickin' kangas.
ALLISON REESE: Let's hop to it!
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] And in the other, we've got Brains On! co-creator, Sanden Totten, here to flatter the platypus.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ooh, what's up my platter party people?
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all, we've got Maya from Brooklyn, New York. She's an avid dancer, loves mermaids, and has taken Mandarin Chinese for seven years. Hi, Maya!
MAYA: Hi, Molly!
MOLLY BLOOM: It is so nice to have you here. And I'm very impressed that you've taken Mandarin classes for seven years. We would love if you wouldn't mind showing off a little bit of your hard work. How would you translate, do you think-- the title Smash Boom best into Mandarin?
MAYA: That is a great question. And I would honestly say, [SPEAKING MANDARIN], which means, I don't know. And it is the best phrase I have learned so far.
MOLLY BLOOM: We should all learn that phrase. Can you say it again one more time?
MAYA: [SPEAKING MANDARIN]
SANDEN TOTTEN: [SPEAKING MANDARIN]
MOLLY BLOOM: Very, very useful. All right, Maya, before we wade into this debate, I am curious, what do you think of when I say kangaroos?
MAYA: I think of Australia. Really, that's the only place that comes to mind.
MOLLY BLOOM: And what about platypuses?
MAYA: Phineas and Ferb.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hmm.
ALLISON REESE: [LAUGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Yeah.
MAYA: All I remember-- Phineas and Ferb. Perry the Platypus.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Secret super agent, Perry the Platypus.
ALLISON REESE: With a fedora.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ugh, very stylish platypus.
ALLISON REESE: The greatest fedora.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] So will Maya be persuaded by platypuses, or will she decide kangaroos are cooler? Only she can tell. Maya, are you ready to judge this thing?
MAYA: Definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, before we get into this debate, it's time to review the rules of the game. Round 1 is the Declaration of Greatness, where our debaters present fact-filled arguments in favor of their side. And they each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. Then we've got the micro round, where each team will present a creative response to a prompt they receive in advance.
Round 3 is the Sneak Attack, where our debaters will have to respond to an improv challenge on the spot. And to wrap it all up, we've got the final six, where each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Our judge, Maya, will award two points in the first round-- one for her favorite rebuttal, the other for the declaration she likes best.
Then she'll award one point in each round after that, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge, too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. OK, Sanden, Allison, and Maya, are you ready?
SANDEN, ALLISON, MAYA: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that was lovely. Very in sync. It's time for the--
ANNOUNCER 1: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: We flipped the coin. And, Sanden, you're up first. Tell us why platypuses are the pinnacle of perfection.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Have you ever felt like you have trouble fitting in, say, in the cafeteria?
[BELL RINGING]
You don't want to sit with the popular kids. They make you nervous. And maybe you're too clumsy for the sporty kids or too goofy for the serious academics. You almost sit by yourself. But then someone pulls out a chair for you. It's the platypus. [DING] It doesn't really fit in either. But you know what, that just makes it way more special.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
The platypus is a warm-blooded mammal found in Australia. It looks like a beaver but with a duck's bill. You're probably thinking, that's weird. And you're not wrong. British scientists in the late 1700s thought it was a hoax. But it was even weirder than they knew, because this animal is like part otter, part turtle, part viper, and part shark. Yeah, it's time for a platypus power roll call.
SPEAKER 1: Otter power activate! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: The platypus has webbed feet like an otter but with retractable claws. This lets them go from swimming to digging to scrambling on land. No problem.
SPEAKER 1: Turtle power activates! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Like our hard-shelled friends, the platypus lays eggs. It's one of the only mammals that can do this. But unlike turtles, when the tiny babies hatch, they drink their mama's milk. Yes, baby platypuses are called puggles. Puggles! The mama gets puggle snuggles!
SPEAKER 1: That's so cute!
SANDEN TOTTEN: I know, right? Puggle is a way cuter name than a joey, just saying. Next power, please.
SPEAKER 1: Viper power activate! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Vipers have venomous fangs. Platypuses have venomous leg spikes, which is not only a rad name for a metal band, but males use these when fighting each other to win the heart of a lady platypus. [ROBOTIC SOUND] And, finally--
SPEAKER 1: Shark powers activate! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: The platypus hunts worms and other tiny water critters in the murky deep. It can't really see or hear much down there so it uses its bill, which is loaded with special cells called electroreceptors. These cells can actually sense the electric field given off by other animals. It's like a sixth sense. Sharks hunt this way, too.
SPEAKER 1: So many cool powers!
SANDEN TOTTEN: So how did the platypus get this way? Did a mad scientist just splice together all the coolest animals?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MAD SCIENTIST: I did it-- the strangest animal ever! [LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Nah, a lot of it is thanks to a super cool idea called convergent evolution. That's when a trait evolves in completely separate species, because it's the best way to solve a problem. Like how bats and birds aren't closely related, but they both fly because it helps them thrive. Platypuses converged on good ideas like venom and a duck-looking bill, because they're all about "platypushing" the boundaries of what's possible. Innovative! Platypuses have also inspired legends and stories like this one from the Aboriginal people of Australia.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
They say long, long ago, all the animals were arguing over who was the most important-- the fish in the water, the birds in the sky, or the mammals on the land. Each group wanted the platypus to join them. Fish said--
FISH: You swim. You're team fish.
SANDEN TOTTEN: The bird said--
BIRD: No way! You have a beak and lay eggs. Birds all the way!
SANDEN TOTTEN: And the mammals said--
SPEAKER: Furry, walks on land. You're a mammal, pal.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Platypus took some time to think it over. When it finally was ready, it gathered all the animals and said--
PLATYPUS: I've made up my mind. I'm joining no one. I don't need a group to be special. I'm already special, and so are all of you. We are all unique in our own way.
SANDEN TOTTEN: So, yeah, the platypus has lots of powers. It's totally adorable. But mostly, it's a lovable weirdo. And are we all weirdos deep down? So come on! Join our platyposse and let your inner weirdo shine. [DING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, I'm still thinking about those puggle snuggles. Maya, what stood out to you about Sanden's decoration of greatness?
MAYA: I think convergent evolution. Platypus is kind of part bird, part mammal. That's definitely cool.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Your Science teacher can write a thank you letter to the platypuses for teaching you about that?
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] All right, Allison, it is time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to pummel the platypus. And your time starts now.
ALLISON REESE: I would argue that platypuses aren't really an underdog that you paint them out to be. I wouldn't be surprised if they had some dog traits in there, too.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mmm. [CHUCKLES]
ALLISON REESE: I mean, it seems to me that they have the best parts of a lot of different species, which makes them the most relatable in relating to that. I mean, also, instead of a Perry the Platypus, they seem more like a Perry the Doofenshmirtz.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
ALLISON REESE: They seem kind of dangerous. They don't seem like they're on the good guys' side. They have venom. They relate to sharks.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi!
[LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: They use their powers for good. Just because they have them doesn't mean it's for evil.
ALLISON REESE: Well--
SANDEN TOTTEN: Also, I think being relatable is a good thing. I think, secretly, you were relating really hard to the platypus. And now you're like you don't know what to do with yourself. [LAUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Is Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb, or is that something--
ALLISON REESE: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: No, he's the arch nemesis.
DOOFENSHMIRTZ: And nothing can stop us now! [LAUGHS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, what was all that about?
SPEAKER 2: Perry!
DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Perry the Platypus!
MOLLY BLOOM: That's a good name for a bad guy-- Doofenshmirtz.
ALLISON REESE: Doofenshmirtz?
MAYA: Doofenshmirtz?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Very good name. All right, Alison, it is your turn. Tell us why you're so keen on kangaroos.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALLISON REESE: Coming from a large family, I have relatives all over the place, including my aunt in Australia. Good eye, Aunt Janet. Put another shrimp on the barbie, Vegemite and all that. Do you know who else lives in Australia and comes from a sprawling family unit? Kangaroos! Kangaroos travel in mobs.
[TRUMPET BLOWING]
KANGAROO 1: You come to me on the day of my joey's wedding.
KANGAROO 2: A dingo ate my baby.
KANGAROO 1: You come here, and you don't even call me boomer.
ALLISON REESE: Not that kind of mob. A mob is a group of kangaroos. A boomer is the head kangaroo leading the mob. There are a bunch of types of kangaroos, but they all belong to a group called macropods, which are furry plant-eating creatures with pouches for their babies. Macropod literally means big footed.
KANGAROO 1: Hey, buddy, I'm only a size 9. You got it?
ALLISON REESE: There are more than 60 species in this group. They have quite the extended family. There are four main groups of kangaroos.
KANGAROO 1: The Eastern gray kangaroo, the Western gray kangaroo, the red kangaroo, and the antilopine kangaroo. [COUGHS]
ALLISON REESE: Like famous people, kangaroos are just like us. They're bipedal, meaning they walk on two legs. Unlike human babies, kangaroos are born pretty half baked. Joeys weigh less than a gram when they're born. That's about the same weight as a paper clip or a pen cap. Both joeys and human babies need to be held by our mommy until we grow big and stronger.
[BABY LAUGHING]
And much like humans, kangaroos hiss and growl when alarmed. [GROWLS] What? Am I not the only one to hiss and growl when alarmed? Whatever. Like humans, male kangaroos chuckle during courtship. So you know they have fun on dates.
KANGAROO 3: [LAUGHS]
KANGAROO 4: I got another one for ya. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A, a "pouch" potato.
KANGAROO 3: [LAUGHS] You're a one funny flyer.
ALLISON REESE: Oh, yeah. And female kangaroos are called flyers. Kangaroos have also adapted to the tough environments where they live by being self cooling. On hot Australian days, kangaroos lick their arms. [SLURPS] Their saliva cools and helps regulate their body temperature. They also chew their food twice before it passes through their chambered stomachs. Gross? Totally. Resilient? Duh. If regurgitating and chewing food twice isn't resilient, well, I don't know what is. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SPEAKER 3: Hey, kids. Are you thirsty?
CHILDREN: Yeah.
SPEAKER 3: Then hop in to a Kanga pouch sports drink.
CHILDREN: Whoa, two different flavors?
SPEAKER 3: Just like the two different kinds of milk a kangaroo's pouch can produce, there are two awesome flavors of Kanga pouch sports drink. Jump higher, swim faster, and you'll be strong just like a kangaroo.
CHILDREN: Cool!
ALLISON REESE: The kangaroos anatomy results in them being strong and powerful. Famous for their hopping, they can reach speeds of 60 kilometers per hour, more than 8 meters in a single bound. Their muscular tail is used for balance. As an extra limb, they even use it for swimming. Kangaroos have four toes with the middle two fused together in what's known as syndactyly.
Basically, a long powerful claw. Their Achilles tendon runs down their hind leg and acts as a spring to hop with. So much power, they can hop fences. Known for kickboxing, where they balance on their long muscular tails, kangaroos kick their opponent with their hind feet, sending their foes flying with the shear strength of their springy hind legs. All in all, kangaroos are the best. They're like us. They're resilient, strong, and kick total butt. You'd be a fool to tangle with a kangaroo.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, these animals, they've got really good names like boomers, flyers. Oh, so much fun. All right, Maya, what stood out to you about Allison's argument there? What was persuasive?
MAYA: Kickboxing. I definitely forgot that kangaroos can kickbox.
MOLLY BLOOM: They are fierce.
MAYA: Yep.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Giant claws?
SANDEN TOTTEN: That's a good thing.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's a sight to see. [LAUGHS] All right, Sanden, I hear you. You're getting started already.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: You got 30 seconds for your rebuttal to kick kangaroos to the curb. Your time starts now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: OK, so a group of kangaroos is called a mob. That sounds scary. A platypus party is called a paddle-- much more fun. And the male leader is a boomer. OK, boomer. They've got big families. Yeah, that's probably why they're famous for fighting. Hey, chew your food right the first time. You don't have to chew it twice, kangaroos. Also, kangaroos-- I've been reading. They're a major pain in the outback. There have been so many, over populating in Australia that they've been eating up the grass. They've been getting into traffic accidents. They've even been eating food that other animals need, too. So you know--
MOLLY BLOOM: --and time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Uh, I think I have six more puns ready to go, but I'll just save them for later. Put them back in the pocket, the pun pocket.
ALLISON REESE: He was ready. The pun pocket was full, but the Kanga Pouch is fuller. You know what I'm saying? The Kanga pouch runneth over.
SANDEN TOTTEN: This is kind of unrelated. But has anyone ever tasted the kangaroo pocket juice? If this has ever happened?
ALLISON REESE: Kangaroos have.
MOLLY BLOOM: No.
SANDEN TOTTEN: In any humans, I wonder what it tastes like. I don't know.
MAYA: Oh, I don't know.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Is that just me? Let's forget I asked that. [CLEARS THROAT]
[LAUGHTER]
As you were saying, Molly?
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
[LAUGHTER]
All right. OK, Maya, it's time to award some points. Give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best and one point to the raddest rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one side win you over with their wisdom or make you laugh at their logic? Award your point, but don't tell us who they're going for. Both could go to the same person, or each person could get one. Have you made your decision?
MAYA: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Sanden and Allison, how are you two feeling so far?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'm movin', I'm shakin', arguments I'm making for the platypus.
ALLISON REESE: I'm feeling good, because I just don't-- I don't think platypus fit the duck bill, if you know what I'm saying.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ooh, OK.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, it's time for a quick break, a bounce, or waddle over to the kitchen to grab a snack. And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ANNOUNCER 2: You're watching State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: I'm Todd Douglas, and I'm here to say I love debating in a major way. Taylor Lincoln is my best friend.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And we'll be debate heads to the very end.
TODD DOUGLAS: Here on State of Debate, we love spotting logical fallacies.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: They're sneaky, they're sly, and they make your argument weaker, because they're easy to tear apart.
TODD DOUGLAS: Today, we have one that makes me dizzy just thinking about it.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: The dreaded circular argument.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's when your argument has nothing to back it up, except itself. A is true because of B, and B is true because of A. See, dizzy already.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Let's listen in on these two dizzy dogs.
ARCHIE: Woof! Look, Guerdy, the human gave me a treat.
GUERDY: Oh, nice. Bark! Bark!
ARCHIE: I'd love to talk more, but I have to go find the perfect couch cushion, under which to hide this bone-shaped delicacy.
GUERDY: But why are you hiding it? You could just eat it.
ARCHIE: It's important to hide the treat, because hiding the treat is very important.
GUERDY: OK, but why?
ARCHIE: I won't be fielding any further questions. Goodbye. Woof! [BUZZ]
GUERDY: Boy, oh, boy, Archie. We could spin in that circle forever like a dog chasing its tail.
ARCHIE: It's OK to admit there's no good reason in it. You just like hiding your treats. Not everything needs to be explained. And that's better than using bad logic because sometimes, people, they just like what they like. OK, Mom? I mean, Guerdy?
GUERDY: I like debate.
ARCHIE: It's all we have time for today, debatearinos. See you next time on--
ARCHIE AND GUERDY: State of Debate.
ANNOUNCER 3: Smash Boom Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
MAYA: And I'm your judge, Maya.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Maya, how is it going? Are you enjoying the debate so far?
MAYA: I definitely am. I'm learning some new things.
MOLLY BLOOM: So what's something you've learned today that really surprised you?
MAYA: That a group of kangaroos traveling is called the mob. That is definitely interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, that was new to me, too. Before we jump back in, I just want to say we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Check out this epic idea we got from Piña in Brooklyn, New York.
PINA: My name is Piña, and my debate idea is Fahrenheit versus Celcius.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Piña at the end of his episode to see which side he thinks should win.
MAYA: And now it's back to today's debate, kangaroos versus platypuses.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round 2-- the micro round. [DING] Today's micro round challenge is called Fight Right. We asked Sanden and Allison to come up with a totally awesome low-budget TV ad for their side's self defense class. We want them to give us a taste of the killer skills their side will be teaching their students. Sanden went first last time. So, Allison, you're up. Let's hear how kangaroos can teach us all to fight right.
ALLISON REESE: Does this ever happen to you?
SPEAKER 3: Oh, man, I can't even hit a punching bag. I'm too wimpy. I'll never become a kickin' kanga.
ALLISON REESE: Now you can.
SPEAKER 3: Huh?
ALLISON REESE: With Joey, the kangaroo self-defense master.
JOEY: Good day. Are you ready to go from Kanga to Roo with a punch 1, 2?
SPEAKER 3: Uh, is that a kangaroo in a muscle tank? He's ripped.
JOEY: You're going to learn to kick in kanga ways to jump higher, swim faster, and kick harder.
SPEAKER 3: [GRUNTS]
ALLISON REESE: Learn how to kickbox in the mob-- the kangaroo mob.
JOEY: [? Lay ?] on your tail to get the most force out of your kick.
ALLISON REESE: Get all the training of a joey in the outback.
JOEY: Use that syndactyly.
SPEAKER 3: But I'm a human.
JOEY: Buy my DVD, and you two can hop 8 meters in a single bound.
SPEAKER 3: Hiya!
ALLISON REESE: Act now. You'll receive a limited-edition pouch for your kickin' Kanga sports drinks. Rehydrate with one of the two flavors like a real-life joey.
JOEY: Much like the predators of the kangaroo, your foes will be forced to think twice about messing with you. With my kickboxing self-defense DVD, you can protect your mob.
ALLISON REESE: Four easy payments of $19.99. No refunds, no guarantees that kickboxing work with human anatomy outside the commonalities who already have kangaroos. Get yours today!
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, I'm ready to do some kicking. All right, Sanden, it's your turn. Tell us how platypuses go kapow.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
PEDRO: Snakes, foxes, bad guys, water rats. The world is dangerous, but not for a master of the planet punch kapow. Hi, I'm Pedro the Platypus. And I can teach you to protect yourself like what a tough guy tries to steal your lunch.
SPEAKER 4: Give me that larva, or else--
PEDRO: Waddle over and attack like this. Hiya!
SPEAKER 4: Oh, so cute. Here, keep your food, little guy.
PEDRO: Or when a dog wants to eat you, [BARKING] duckbill dropkick. Pow! Stop it! Stop it! Don't lick it. Be scared, be scared! Sign up for my self-defense class held every week at the Marsh That Smells Like Wet Socks. I'll teach you all my tricks like the tail attack or the beak buster or the extra mini super steely-eyed stare. [GROANING]
SPEAKER 5: Ah, so cute.
PEDRO: And if none of that works, just use the old standby.
SPEAKER 4: Venomous legs burst!
SPEAKER 5: Ha, ha! Ah, that one actually hurts. Aw, aw!
PEDRO: [GIGGLES] Don't mess with the platypus.
MOLLY BLOOM: Cute with venomous legs burst to boot. All right, Maya, what stood out to you there about Sanden's and Allison's micro rounds?
MAYA: You know, Sanden came in strong. Seemed like platypus can take on lots of different animals in lots of different ways.
MOLLY BLOOM: Just bat those cute little eyelashes. And how about Allison's? What stood out to you about the kickboxing?
MAYA: Everything. Kickboxing, 1, 2, 3.
MOLLY BLOOM: In the ring.
[LAUGHTER]
ALLISON REESE: I just can't believe that we got talking kangaroos and platypuses.
MOLLY BLOOM: Pretty amazing. We are lucky.
ALLISON REESE: Impressive.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I have to say you-- once again, you brought up the sports drink thing. And that we were not-- talking about how none of us have tasted it. And like--
[LAUGHTER]
I really think it could be delicious, who knows? But you said we would get a free-- what was the number again? We'd get a free pouch if we signed up? I'm just-- for a friend.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Maya, it's time to award a point. Again, the criteria is totally up to you. Did one of these classes sound like they'd help you with your self-defense skills? Did they make you laugh? Did they make you think? Whatever the criteria is, it's up to you. Have you decided who gets the point for this round?
MAYA: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around-- the Super Stealthy--
ANNOUNCER 4: Ha, ha! Hoo-ha!
ANNOUNCER 1: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: Your Sneak Attack is called Oscar-winning Moment. For this challenge, we want you to pretend that your side is the star of a fantastic dramatic movie. It's not the acceptance speech, but this is the monologue from the film that won you the award. So before you start, we'd like you to just tell us a little bit about the movie. Like who your character is, where the speech is happening. Give us a little background so we can follow. So Allison went first last time. So, Sanden, you're up.
SANDEN TOTTEN: OK. So this is a coming-of-age film about a plucky young platypus in high school. He doesn't quite fit in. And he's being picked on by the bullies at school because they think he looks strange and weird. The bullies are played by kangaroos, of course. And then there's a big scene where there's a showdown in the track field, where the kangaroos dominate. And the platypus, because he waddles, just can't really keep up. And he gives this speech while he's getting bullied, and everyone comes to rally behind him.
So, OK. So the kangaroos are like, why don't you get out of here, platypus? You're just a "platyposer." You're never going to be a great athlete like us. We kickbox, and we have muscles. And all these sports drinks in our pouches that you can't even taste. And so the platypus is like, you know what, guys, I'm tired of you picking on me just because I'm different. Everybody here in this auditorium feels different sometimes, am I right?
And the crowd goes, yeah, I think so. I mean, some of us, we have beaver tails and duck faces. And some of us have freckles or red hair, or some of us lay eggs. And we're also a mammal or others of us are named Stephanie. Hi, Stephanie. But you know what, we're all different. And we all should stick together and start celebrating our differences and not always just trying to be the best hopping jumping jocks. So there. And then everyone's like, yeah. Platypus! Platypus! And then platypus, it's not about me, it's about us. And then they all hug. End scene.
MOLLY BLOOM: Beautiful. All right, Allison, you're up. Make our hearts hop with your magnificent monologue.
ALLISON REESE: So this film is a gritty re-imagining, if you will, of Winnie the Pooh's Kanga and Roo. This is a coming-of-age tail-- T-A-I-L-- of Roo becoming his own boomer. Roo wants to get out of the Hundred Acre Woods and go off on his own. But what will Kanga do without her Roo? We take you to that scene.
ROO: I can't stay here, Mama. I can't stay in these Hundred Acre Woods. These Hundred Acre Woods feel like hundred-acre tombs. I've outgrown this place. I've outgrown these people. I have to go and make it on my own and find my mob, Mama. Mama, don't cry. Mama, I will be back for you. You will always be my favorite flyer, and I will always remember my days of pouch. But, Mama, you got to let me go. End scene.
ALLISON REESE: Wow, the passion was there.
[LAUGHTER]
Tear jerker.
MOLLY BLOOM: I totally get why they got an Oscar for that performance. All right, Maya, it is time to award your fourth point. Again, the criteria is up to you. Did someone jerk some tears out of your eyes? Did someone make you laugh? Did someone make you feel something about these beautiful animals? Have you made your decision?
MAYA: Not yet.
ALLISON REESE: It's a tough one. It's a tough one.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I love it. I love it.
ALLISON REESE: Go with your gut. Go with your gut.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you made your decision, Maya?
MAYA: Yes, indeed.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, wonderful. Then it's time for our final round.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ANNOUNCER 1: The Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: Allison, you've got just six words to convince us that kangaroos take the cake.
ALLISON REESE: Kangaroos are winner-winner kickin' dinner.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] Delightful. All right, Sanden, it's your turn. Let's hear your most persuasive six for the platypus.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, man, I forgot to prep for this. OK. Swiss army knife of animals, yeah!
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
[LAUGHTER]
ALLISON REESE: Wonderful, wonderful.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Maya, it's time to award a point for this final round. Have you made your decision?
MAYA: Yes, I have.
[DING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
MAYA: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Drum roll, please. And the winner is--
MAYA: Kangaroos.
ALLISON REESE: Yeah!
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, man.
ALLISON REESE: Kickin' kanga!
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: It's like a venomous leg spur right in the heart. Oh!
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
ALLISON REESE: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Maya, was there a moment that really pushed it over the edge for kangaroos?
MAYA: Listen, that monologue.
[LAUGHTER]
That monologue, I felt the passion, the desire to leave home. I felt it--
ALLISON REESE: Yeah.
MAYA: --in the bones.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yup, passion every time will get you over the finish line.
[LAUGHS]
Sanden, I learned so much from you today. I learned that the platypus are called platypuses, first of all, not platypi, which I was unaware of. Not only that. It's that they got a little bit of everything. They're like a charcuterie board of an animal.
[LAUGHTER]
You got you got your duck bills and your otter and your shark things to make one delightful animal. And I appreciate everything I learned from you today.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, thanks. I would gladly share a piece of platypi with you. I learned a ton about kangaroos. And I really enjoyed your declaration of greatness, the sort of like Don Corleone kangaroo voice. And I can't stop thinking about the pouch juices and how much I--
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Maya crowned kangaroo as the Smash Boom Best. But what about you?
MAYA: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
SANDEN TOTTEN: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie DuPont, and Ruby Guthrie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Alex Simpson, Gary O'Keefe, and Derek Ramirez.
ALLISON REESE: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And we have production help from Anna Goldfield, Marc Sanchez, Anna Weggel, and Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex [? Shaffer, ?] and Joanne Griffiths. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Kaufman, Brent Miller, Paul Guthrie, Tom Lynch, Rachel Burke, and Coco. Allison, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
ALLISON REESE: Shout out to Aunt Janet, holding down Australia.
MOLLY BLOOM: How about you, Sanden? Any special shout outs?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I want to give a shout out to Perry the Platypus for just keeping the world safe.
MOLLY BLOOM: Thanks, Perry. And, Maya, how about you? Any special thanks or shout outs?
MAYA: Listen, Sanden took it-- Perry the Platypus.
[LAUGHTER]
[INAUDIBLE]
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. Before we go, let's check in with Piña and see who he thinks should win his Fahrenheit versus Celsius debate.
PINA: I think Celsius will win because it makes more sense. Above zero is hot and warm, and below zero is cold or freezing. You can't see that with Fahrenheit.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knockdown drag-out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Goodbye!
ALLISON REESE: Bye bye, y'all.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ciao.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, I have a Smash Boom Best. Oh, [INAUDIBLE]. Oh, you have the Smash Boom Best. Oh, better find a rest. It's the Smash Boom Best. Here is the Smash Boom Best.
ALLISON REESE: Drink your pouch juice, Shelby. Get your pouch juice.
ANNOUNCER 2: The show for people with big opinions
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things-- smash them together and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a bouncy duck-billed brawl between two awesome animals from down under. It's kangaroos versus platypuses. In one corner, we have comedian and writer, Allison Reese, defending kickin' kangas.
ALLISON REESE: Let's hop to it!
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] And in the other, we've got Brains On! co-creator, Sanden Totten, here to flatter the platypus.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ooh, what's up my platter party people?
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all, we've got Maya from Brooklyn, New York. She's an avid dancer, loves mermaids, and has taken Mandarin Chinese for seven years. Hi, Maya!
MAYA: Hi, Molly!
MOLLY BLOOM: It is so nice to have you here. And I'm very impressed that you've taken Mandarin classes for seven years. We would love if you wouldn't mind showing off a little bit of your hard work. How would you translate, do you think-- the title Smash Boom best into Mandarin?
MAYA: That is a great question. And I would honestly say, [SPEAKING MANDARIN], which means, I don't know. And it is the best phrase I have learned so far.
MOLLY BLOOM: We should all learn that phrase. Can you say it again one more time?
MAYA: [SPEAKING MANDARIN]
SANDEN TOTTEN: [SPEAKING MANDARIN]
MOLLY BLOOM: Very, very useful. All right, Maya, before we wade into this debate, I am curious, what do you think of when I say kangaroos?
MAYA: I think of Australia. Really, that's the only place that comes to mind.
MOLLY BLOOM: And what about platypuses?
MAYA: Phineas and Ferb.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hmm.
ALLISON REESE: [LAUGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Yeah.
MAYA: All I remember-- Phineas and Ferb. Perry the Platypus.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Secret super agent, Perry the Platypus.
ALLISON REESE: With a fedora.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ugh, very stylish platypus.
ALLISON REESE: The greatest fedora.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] So will Maya be persuaded by platypuses, or will she decide kangaroos are cooler? Only she can tell. Maya, are you ready to judge this thing?
MAYA: Definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, before we get into this debate, it's time to review the rules of the game. Round 1 is the Declaration of Greatness, where our debaters present fact-filled arguments in favor of their side. And they each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. Then we've got the micro round, where each team will present a creative response to a prompt they receive in advance.
Round 3 is the Sneak Attack, where our debaters will have to respond to an improv challenge on the spot. And to wrap it all up, we've got the final six, where each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Our judge, Maya, will award two points in the first round-- one for her favorite rebuttal, the other for the declaration she likes best.
Then she'll award one point in each round after that, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge, too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. OK, Sanden, Allison, and Maya, are you ready?
SANDEN, ALLISON, MAYA: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that was lovely. Very in sync. It's time for the--
ANNOUNCER 1: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: We flipped the coin. And, Sanden, you're up first. Tell us why platypuses are the pinnacle of perfection.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Have you ever felt like you have trouble fitting in, say, in the cafeteria?
[BELL RINGING]
You don't want to sit with the popular kids. They make you nervous. And maybe you're too clumsy for the sporty kids or too goofy for the serious academics. You almost sit by yourself. But then someone pulls out a chair for you. It's the platypus. [DING] It doesn't really fit in either. But you know what, that just makes it way more special.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
The platypus is a warm-blooded mammal found in Australia. It looks like a beaver but with a duck's bill. You're probably thinking, that's weird. And you're not wrong. British scientists in the late 1700s thought it was a hoax. But it was even weirder than they knew, because this animal is like part otter, part turtle, part viper, and part shark. Yeah, it's time for a platypus power roll call.
SPEAKER 1: Otter power activate! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: The platypus has webbed feet like an otter but with retractable claws. This lets them go from swimming to digging to scrambling on land. No problem.
SPEAKER 1: Turtle power activates! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Like our hard-shelled friends, the platypus lays eggs. It's one of the only mammals that can do this. But unlike turtles, when the tiny babies hatch, they drink their mama's milk. Yes, baby platypuses are called puggles. Puggles! The mama gets puggle snuggles!
SPEAKER 1: That's so cute!
SANDEN TOTTEN: I know, right? Puggle is a way cuter name than a joey, just saying. Next power, please.
SPEAKER 1: Viper power activate! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Vipers have venomous fangs. Platypuses have venomous leg spikes, which is not only a rad name for a metal band, but males use these when fighting each other to win the heart of a lady platypus. [ROBOTIC SOUND] And, finally--
SPEAKER 1: Shark powers activate! [ROBOTIC SOUND]
SANDEN TOTTEN: The platypus hunts worms and other tiny water critters in the murky deep. It can't really see or hear much down there so it uses its bill, which is loaded with special cells called electroreceptors. These cells can actually sense the electric field given off by other animals. It's like a sixth sense. Sharks hunt this way, too.
SPEAKER 1: So many cool powers!
SANDEN TOTTEN: So how did the platypus get this way? Did a mad scientist just splice together all the coolest animals?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MAD SCIENTIST: I did it-- the strangest animal ever! [LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Nah, a lot of it is thanks to a super cool idea called convergent evolution. That's when a trait evolves in completely separate species, because it's the best way to solve a problem. Like how bats and birds aren't closely related, but they both fly because it helps them thrive. Platypuses converged on good ideas like venom and a duck-looking bill, because they're all about "platypushing" the boundaries of what's possible. Innovative! Platypuses have also inspired legends and stories like this one from the Aboriginal people of Australia.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
They say long, long ago, all the animals were arguing over who was the most important-- the fish in the water, the birds in the sky, or the mammals on the land. Each group wanted the platypus to join them. Fish said--
FISH: You swim. You're team fish.
SANDEN TOTTEN: The bird said--
BIRD: No way! You have a beak and lay eggs. Birds all the way!
SANDEN TOTTEN: And the mammals said--
SPEAKER: Furry, walks on land. You're a mammal, pal.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Platypus took some time to think it over. When it finally was ready, it gathered all the animals and said--
PLATYPUS: I've made up my mind. I'm joining no one. I don't need a group to be special. I'm already special, and so are all of you. We are all unique in our own way.
SANDEN TOTTEN: So, yeah, the platypus has lots of powers. It's totally adorable. But mostly, it's a lovable weirdo. And are we all weirdos deep down? So come on! Join our platyposse and let your inner weirdo shine. [DING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, I'm still thinking about those puggle snuggles. Maya, what stood out to you about Sanden's decoration of greatness?
MAYA: I think convergent evolution. Platypus is kind of part bird, part mammal. That's definitely cool.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Your Science teacher can write a thank you letter to the platypuses for teaching you about that?
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] All right, Allison, it is time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to pummel the platypus. And your time starts now.
ALLISON REESE: I would argue that platypuses aren't really an underdog that you paint them out to be. I wouldn't be surprised if they had some dog traits in there, too.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mmm. [CHUCKLES]
ALLISON REESE: I mean, it seems to me that they have the best parts of a lot of different species, which makes them the most relatable in relating to that. I mean, also, instead of a Perry the Platypus, they seem more like a Perry the Doofenshmirtz.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
ALLISON REESE: They seem kind of dangerous. They don't seem like they're on the good guys' side. They have venom. They relate to sharks.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi!
[LAUGHTER]
SANDEN TOTTEN: They use their powers for good. Just because they have them doesn't mean it's for evil.
ALLISON REESE: Well--
SANDEN TOTTEN: Also, I think being relatable is a good thing. I think, secretly, you were relating really hard to the platypus. And now you're like you don't know what to do with yourself. [LAUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Is Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb, or is that something--
ALLISON REESE: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: No, he's the arch nemesis.
DOOFENSHMIRTZ: And nothing can stop us now! [LAUGHS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, what was all that about?
SPEAKER 2: Perry!
DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Perry the Platypus!
MOLLY BLOOM: That's a good name for a bad guy-- Doofenshmirtz.
ALLISON REESE: Doofenshmirtz?
MAYA: Doofenshmirtz?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Very good name. All right, Alison, it is your turn. Tell us why you're so keen on kangaroos.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALLISON REESE: Coming from a large family, I have relatives all over the place, including my aunt in Australia. Good eye, Aunt Janet. Put another shrimp on the barbie, Vegemite and all that. Do you know who else lives in Australia and comes from a sprawling family unit? Kangaroos! Kangaroos travel in mobs.
[TRUMPET BLOWING]
KANGAROO 1: You come to me on the day of my joey's wedding.
KANGAROO 2: A dingo ate my baby.
KANGAROO 1: You come here, and you don't even call me boomer.
ALLISON REESE: Not that kind of mob. A mob is a group of kangaroos. A boomer is the head kangaroo leading the mob. There are a bunch of types of kangaroos, but they all belong to a group called macropods, which are furry plant-eating creatures with pouches for their babies. Macropod literally means big footed.
KANGAROO 1: Hey, buddy, I'm only a size 9. You got it?
ALLISON REESE: There are more than 60 species in this group. They have quite the extended family. There are four main groups of kangaroos.
KANGAROO 1: The Eastern gray kangaroo, the Western gray kangaroo, the red kangaroo, and the antilopine kangaroo. [COUGHS]
ALLISON REESE: Like famous people, kangaroos are just like us. They're bipedal, meaning they walk on two legs. Unlike human babies, kangaroos are born pretty half baked. Joeys weigh less than a gram when they're born. That's about the same weight as a paper clip or a pen cap. Both joeys and human babies need to be held by our mommy until we grow big and stronger.
[BABY LAUGHING]
And much like humans, kangaroos hiss and growl when alarmed. [GROWLS] What? Am I not the only one to hiss and growl when alarmed? Whatever. Like humans, male kangaroos chuckle during courtship. So you know they have fun on dates.
KANGAROO 3: [LAUGHS]
KANGAROO 4: I got another one for ya. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A, a "pouch" potato.
KANGAROO 3: [LAUGHS] You're a one funny flyer.
ALLISON REESE: Oh, yeah. And female kangaroos are called flyers. Kangaroos have also adapted to the tough environments where they live by being self cooling. On hot Australian days, kangaroos lick their arms. [SLURPS] Their saliva cools and helps regulate their body temperature. They also chew their food twice before it passes through their chambered stomachs. Gross? Totally. Resilient? Duh. If regurgitating and chewing food twice isn't resilient, well, I don't know what is. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SPEAKER 3: Hey, kids. Are you thirsty?
CHILDREN: Yeah.
SPEAKER 3: Then hop in to a Kanga pouch sports drink.
CHILDREN: Whoa, two different flavors?
SPEAKER 3: Just like the two different kinds of milk a kangaroo's pouch can produce, there are two awesome flavors of Kanga pouch sports drink. Jump higher, swim faster, and you'll be strong just like a kangaroo.
CHILDREN: Cool!
ALLISON REESE: The kangaroos anatomy results in them being strong and powerful. Famous for their hopping, they can reach speeds of 60 kilometers per hour, more than 8 meters in a single bound. Their muscular tail is used for balance. As an extra limb, they even use it for swimming. Kangaroos have four toes with the middle two fused together in what's known as syndactyly.
Basically, a long powerful claw. Their Achilles tendon runs down their hind leg and acts as a spring to hop with. So much power, they can hop fences. Known for kickboxing, where they balance on their long muscular tails, kangaroos kick their opponent with their hind feet, sending their foes flying with the shear strength of their springy hind legs. All in all, kangaroos are the best. They're like us. They're resilient, strong, and kick total butt. You'd be a fool to tangle with a kangaroo.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, these animals, they've got really good names like boomers, flyers. Oh, so much fun. All right, Maya, what stood out to you about Allison's argument there? What was persuasive?
MAYA: Kickboxing. I definitely forgot that kangaroos can kickbox.
MOLLY BLOOM: They are fierce.
MAYA: Yep.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Giant claws?
SANDEN TOTTEN: That's a good thing.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's a sight to see. [LAUGHS] All right, Sanden, I hear you. You're getting started already.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: You got 30 seconds for your rebuttal to kick kangaroos to the curb. Your time starts now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: OK, so a group of kangaroos is called a mob. That sounds scary. A platypus party is called a paddle-- much more fun. And the male leader is a boomer. OK, boomer. They've got big families. Yeah, that's probably why they're famous for fighting. Hey, chew your food right the first time. You don't have to chew it twice, kangaroos. Also, kangaroos-- I've been reading. They're a major pain in the outback. There have been so many, over populating in Australia that they've been eating up the grass. They've been getting into traffic accidents. They've even been eating food that other animals need, too. So you know--
MOLLY BLOOM: --and time.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Uh, I think I have six more puns ready to go, but I'll just save them for later. Put them back in the pocket, the pun pocket.
ALLISON REESE: He was ready. The pun pocket was full, but the Kanga Pouch is fuller. You know what I'm saying? The Kanga pouch runneth over.
SANDEN TOTTEN: This is kind of unrelated. But has anyone ever tasted the kangaroo pocket juice? If this has ever happened?
ALLISON REESE: Kangaroos have.
MOLLY BLOOM: No.
SANDEN TOTTEN: In any humans, I wonder what it tastes like. I don't know.
MAYA: Oh, I don't know.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Is that just me? Let's forget I asked that. [CLEARS THROAT]
[LAUGHTER]
As you were saying, Molly?
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
[LAUGHTER]
All right. OK, Maya, it's time to award some points. Give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best and one point to the raddest rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one side win you over with their wisdom or make you laugh at their logic? Award your point, but don't tell us who they're going for. Both could go to the same person, or each person could get one. Have you made your decision?
MAYA: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Sanden and Allison, how are you two feeling so far?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'm movin', I'm shakin', arguments I'm making for the platypus.
ALLISON REESE: I'm feeling good, because I just don't-- I don't think platypus fit the duck bill, if you know what I'm saying.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ooh, OK.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, it's time for a quick break, a bounce, or waddle over to the kitchen to grab a snack. And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ANNOUNCER 2: You're watching State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: I'm Todd Douglas, and I'm here to say I love debating in a major way. Taylor Lincoln is my best friend.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And we'll be debate heads to the very end.
TODD DOUGLAS: Here on State of Debate, we love spotting logical fallacies.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: They're sneaky, they're sly, and they make your argument weaker, because they're easy to tear apart.
TODD DOUGLAS: Today, we have one that makes me dizzy just thinking about it.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: The dreaded circular argument.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's when your argument has nothing to back it up, except itself. A is true because of B, and B is true because of A. See, dizzy already.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Let's listen in on these two dizzy dogs.
ARCHIE: Woof! Look, Guerdy, the human gave me a treat.
GUERDY: Oh, nice. Bark! Bark!
ARCHIE: I'd love to talk more, but I have to go find the perfect couch cushion, under which to hide this bone-shaped delicacy.
GUERDY: But why are you hiding it? You could just eat it.
ARCHIE: It's important to hide the treat, because hiding the treat is very important.
GUERDY: OK, but why?
ARCHIE: I won't be fielding any further questions. Goodbye. Woof! [BUZZ]
GUERDY: Boy, oh, boy, Archie. We could spin in that circle forever like a dog chasing its tail.
ARCHIE: It's OK to admit there's no good reason in it. You just like hiding your treats. Not everything needs to be explained. And that's better than using bad logic because sometimes, people, they just like what they like. OK, Mom? I mean, Guerdy?
GUERDY: I like debate.
ARCHIE: It's all we have time for today, debatearinos. See you next time on--
ARCHIE AND GUERDY: State of Debate.
ANNOUNCER 3: Smash Boom Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
MAYA: And I'm your judge, Maya.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Maya, how is it going? Are you enjoying the debate so far?
MAYA: I definitely am. I'm learning some new things.
MOLLY BLOOM: So what's something you've learned today that really surprised you?
MAYA: That a group of kangaroos traveling is called the mob. That is definitely interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, that was new to me, too. Before we jump back in, I just want to say we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Check out this epic idea we got from Piña in Brooklyn, New York.
PINA: My name is Piña, and my debate idea is Fahrenheit versus Celcius.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Piña at the end of his episode to see which side he thinks should win.
MAYA: And now it's back to today's debate, kangaroos versus platypuses.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round 2-- the micro round. [DING] Today's micro round challenge is called Fight Right. We asked Sanden and Allison to come up with a totally awesome low-budget TV ad for their side's self defense class. We want them to give us a taste of the killer skills their side will be teaching their students. Sanden went first last time. So, Allison, you're up. Let's hear how kangaroos can teach us all to fight right.
ALLISON REESE: Does this ever happen to you?
SPEAKER 3: Oh, man, I can't even hit a punching bag. I'm too wimpy. I'll never become a kickin' kanga.
ALLISON REESE: Now you can.
SPEAKER 3: Huh?
ALLISON REESE: With Joey, the kangaroo self-defense master.
JOEY: Good day. Are you ready to go from Kanga to Roo with a punch 1, 2?
SPEAKER 3: Uh, is that a kangaroo in a muscle tank? He's ripped.
JOEY: You're going to learn to kick in kanga ways to jump higher, swim faster, and kick harder.
SPEAKER 3: [GRUNTS]
ALLISON REESE: Learn how to kickbox in the mob-- the kangaroo mob.
JOEY: [? Lay ?] on your tail to get the most force out of your kick.
ALLISON REESE: Get all the training of a joey in the outback.
JOEY: Use that syndactyly.
SPEAKER 3: But I'm a human.
JOEY: Buy my DVD, and you two can hop 8 meters in a single bound.
SPEAKER 3: Hiya!
ALLISON REESE: Act now. You'll receive a limited-edition pouch for your kickin' Kanga sports drinks. Rehydrate with one of the two flavors like a real-life joey.
JOEY: Much like the predators of the kangaroo, your foes will be forced to think twice about messing with you. With my kickboxing self-defense DVD, you can protect your mob.
ALLISON REESE: Four easy payments of $19.99. No refunds, no guarantees that kickboxing work with human anatomy outside the commonalities who already have kangaroos. Get yours today!
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, I'm ready to do some kicking. All right, Sanden, it's your turn. Tell us how platypuses go kapow.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
PEDRO: Snakes, foxes, bad guys, water rats. The world is dangerous, but not for a master of the planet punch kapow. Hi, I'm Pedro the Platypus. And I can teach you to protect yourself like what a tough guy tries to steal your lunch.
SPEAKER 4: Give me that larva, or else--
PEDRO: Waddle over and attack like this. Hiya!
SPEAKER 4: Oh, so cute. Here, keep your food, little guy.
PEDRO: Or when a dog wants to eat you, [BARKING] duckbill dropkick. Pow! Stop it! Stop it! Don't lick it. Be scared, be scared! Sign up for my self-defense class held every week at the Marsh That Smells Like Wet Socks. I'll teach you all my tricks like the tail attack or the beak buster or the extra mini super steely-eyed stare. [GROANING]
SPEAKER 5: Ah, so cute.
PEDRO: And if none of that works, just use the old standby.
SPEAKER 4: Venomous legs burst!
SPEAKER 5: Ha, ha! Ah, that one actually hurts. Aw, aw!
PEDRO: [GIGGLES] Don't mess with the platypus.
MOLLY BLOOM: Cute with venomous legs burst to boot. All right, Maya, what stood out to you there about Sanden's and Allison's micro rounds?
MAYA: You know, Sanden came in strong. Seemed like platypus can take on lots of different animals in lots of different ways.
MOLLY BLOOM: Just bat those cute little eyelashes. And how about Allison's? What stood out to you about the kickboxing?
MAYA: Everything. Kickboxing, 1, 2, 3.
MOLLY BLOOM: In the ring.
[LAUGHTER]
ALLISON REESE: I just can't believe that we got talking kangaroos and platypuses.
MOLLY BLOOM: Pretty amazing. We are lucky.
ALLISON REESE: Impressive.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I have to say you-- once again, you brought up the sports drink thing. And that we were not-- talking about how none of us have tasted it. And like--
[LAUGHTER]
I really think it could be delicious, who knows? But you said we would get a free-- what was the number again? We'd get a free pouch if we signed up? I'm just-- for a friend.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Maya, it's time to award a point. Again, the criteria is totally up to you. Did one of these classes sound like they'd help you with your self-defense skills? Did they make you laugh? Did they make you think? Whatever the criteria is, it's up to you. Have you decided who gets the point for this round?
MAYA: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around-- the Super Stealthy--
ANNOUNCER 4: Ha, ha! Hoo-ha!
ANNOUNCER 1: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: Your Sneak Attack is called Oscar-winning Moment. For this challenge, we want you to pretend that your side is the star of a fantastic dramatic movie. It's not the acceptance speech, but this is the monologue from the film that won you the award. So before you start, we'd like you to just tell us a little bit about the movie. Like who your character is, where the speech is happening. Give us a little background so we can follow. So Allison went first last time. So, Sanden, you're up.
SANDEN TOTTEN: OK. So this is a coming-of-age film about a plucky young platypus in high school. He doesn't quite fit in. And he's being picked on by the bullies at school because they think he looks strange and weird. The bullies are played by kangaroos, of course. And then there's a big scene where there's a showdown in the track field, where the kangaroos dominate. And the platypus, because he waddles, just can't really keep up. And he gives this speech while he's getting bullied, and everyone comes to rally behind him.
So, OK. So the kangaroos are like, why don't you get out of here, platypus? You're just a "platyposer." You're never going to be a great athlete like us. We kickbox, and we have muscles. And all these sports drinks in our pouches that you can't even taste. And so the platypus is like, you know what, guys, I'm tired of you picking on me just because I'm different. Everybody here in this auditorium feels different sometimes, am I right?
And the crowd goes, yeah, I think so. I mean, some of us, we have beaver tails and duck faces. And some of us have freckles or red hair, or some of us lay eggs. And we're also a mammal or others of us are named Stephanie. Hi, Stephanie. But you know what, we're all different. And we all should stick together and start celebrating our differences and not always just trying to be the best hopping jumping jocks. So there. And then everyone's like, yeah. Platypus! Platypus! And then platypus, it's not about me, it's about us. And then they all hug. End scene.
MOLLY BLOOM: Beautiful. All right, Allison, you're up. Make our hearts hop with your magnificent monologue.
ALLISON REESE: So this film is a gritty re-imagining, if you will, of Winnie the Pooh's Kanga and Roo. This is a coming-of-age tail-- T-A-I-L-- of Roo becoming his own boomer. Roo wants to get out of the Hundred Acre Woods and go off on his own. But what will Kanga do without her Roo? We take you to that scene.
ROO: I can't stay here, Mama. I can't stay in these Hundred Acre Woods. These Hundred Acre Woods feel like hundred-acre tombs. I've outgrown this place. I've outgrown these people. I have to go and make it on my own and find my mob, Mama. Mama, don't cry. Mama, I will be back for you. You will always be my favorite flyer, and I will always remember my days of pouch. But, Mama, you got to let me go. End scene.
ALLISON REESE: Wow, the passion was there.
[LAUGHTER]
Tear jerker.
MOLLY BLOOM: I totally get why they got an Oscar for that performance. All right, Maya, it is time to award your fourth point. Again, the criteria is up to you. Did someone jerk some tears out of your eyes? Did someone make you laugh? Did someone make you feel something about these beautiful animals? Have you made your decision?
MAYA: Not yet.
ALLISON REESE: It's a tough one. It's a tough one.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I love it. I love it.
ALLISON REESE: Go with your gut. Go with your gut.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you made your decision, Maya?
MAYA: Yes, indeed.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, wonderful. Then it's time for our final round.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ANNOUNCER 1: The Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: Allison, you've got just six words to convince us that kangaroos take the cake.
ALLISON REESE: Kangaroos are winner-winner kickin' dinner.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] Delightful. All right, Sanden, it's your turn. Let's hear your most persuasive six for the platypus.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, man, I forgot to prep for this. OK. Swiss army knife of animals, yeah!
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
[LAUGHTER]
ALLISON REESE: Wonderful, wonderful.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Maya, it's time to award a point for this final round. Have you made your decision?
MAYA: Yes, I have.
[DING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
MAYA: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Drum roll, please. And the winner is--
MAYA: Kangaroos.
ALLISON REESE: Yeah!
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, man.
ALLISON REESE: Kickin' kanga!
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: It's like a venomous leg spur right in the heart. Oh!
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
ALLISON REESE: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Maya, was there a moment that really pushed it over the edge for kangaroos?
MAYA: Listen, that monologue.
[LAUGHTER]
That monologue, I felt the passion, the desire to leave home. I felt it--
ALLISON REESE: Yeah.
MAYA: --in the bones.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yup, passion every time will get you over the finish line.
[LAUGHS]
Sanden, I learned so much from you today. I learned that the platypus are called platypuses, first of all, not platypi, which I was unaware of. Not only that. It's that they got a little bit of everything. They're like a charcuterie board of an animal.
[LAUGHTER]
You got you got your duck bills and your otter and your shark things to make one delightful animal. And I appreciate everything I learned from you today.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, thanks. I would gladly share a piece of platypi with you. I learned a ton about kangaroos. And I really enjoyed your declaration of greatness, the sort of like Don Corleone kangaroo voice. And I can't stop thinking about the pouch juices and how much I--
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Maya crowned kangaroo as the Smash Boom Best. But what about you?
MAYA: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
SANDEN TOTTEN: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie DuPont, and Ruby Guthrie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Alex Simpson, Gary O'Keefe, and Derek Ramirez.
ALLISON REESE: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And we have production help from Anna Goldfield, Marc Sanchez, Anna Weggel, and Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex [? Shaffer, ?] and Joanne Griffiths. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Kaufman, Brent Miller, Paul Guthrie, Tom Lynch, Rachel Burke, and Coco. Allison, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
ALLISON REESE: Shout out to Aunt Janet, holding down Australia.
MOLLY BLOOM: How about you, Sanden? Any special shout outs?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I want to give a shout out to Perry the Platypus for just keeping the world safe.
MOLLY BLOOM: Thanks, Perry. And, Maya, how about you? Any special thanks or shout outs?
MAYA: Listen, Sanden took it-- Perry the Platypus.
[LAUGHTER]
[INAUDIBLE]
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. Before we go, let's check in with Piña and see who he thinks should win his Fahrenheit versus Celsius debate.
PINA: I think Celsius will win because it makes more sense. Above zero is hot and warm, and below zero is cold or freezing. You can't see that with Fahrenheit.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knockdown drag-out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Goodbye!
ALLISON REESE: Bye bye, y'all.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ciao.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, I have a Smash Boom Best. Oh, [INAUDIBLE]. Oh, you have the Smash Boom Best. Oh, better find a rest. It's the Smash Boom Best. Here is the Smash Boom Best.
ALLISON REESE: Drink your pouch juice, Shelby. Get your pouch juice.
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