Godfrey Hibbert
Kitchen wizards and kitten whisperers take the stage in today’s career-off. It’s chefs versus veterinarians! Comedy writer and LEGO Master Model Builder, Sam Suksiri, defends chefs in a sizzling smackdown with comic, writer, and animal lover, Kasha Patel. Which profession will triumph?
Vote below to tell us who YOU think won!
This episode was sponsored by:
Outschool.com/smashboom – To save $15 on your child’s first class
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Audio Transcript
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ANNOUNCER: From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
LAUREN: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: I'm Molly Bloom and you're listening to Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's stand off features two prominent professions, kitchen wizards and kitten whisperers. It's chefs versus veterinarians. We've got comedy writer and LEGO master model builder, Sam Suksiri, here to represent the chefs de cuisine.
SAM SUKSIRI: The stakes have never been higher.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
And we have comic and writer, Kasha Patel, here to defend the Medex of the menagerie.
KASHA PATEL: You're toast. Vets are im-paw-sibble to beat.
MOLLY BLOOM: Which team will win? The one who makes food sizzle or the one who's like Dr. Doolittle? We've got Lauren from Brooklyn, New York, here to help us decide. She's an aspiring lawyer who can do a one-handed cartwheel and knows all the words to every song in Hamilton. Hey, Lauren.
LAUREN: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, what comes to mind when I say veterinarian?
LAUREN: Veterinarian? My dog or my cat.
MOLLY BLOOM: And what about chefs? What pops in your head there?
LAUREN: My dad, because he went to culinary school.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, very nice. So if you had to become one or the other, like those are your only two career choices, which one would you pick?
LAUREN: Chef. I love to eat, I like food. If I could cook my own amazing food, I would do it every single day.
MOLLY BLOOM: What about your dog? Can we hear a little bit about your dog?
LAUREN: Oh, my dog? See, I'm not the biggest fan of her at the moment.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Why not?
LAUREN: She threw up in my room this morning.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
LAUREN: So, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's not cool.
KASHA PATEL: She was nervous.
LAUREN: No. I love my dog, I love my cat. They're amazing. They're super cuddly and stuff like that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Is this a big dog or a small dog?
LAUREN: She's a pretty big dog. She's a Pit Bull Terrier mix, if I'm not mistaken.
KASHA PATEL: Ooh! That's like my dog, except he doesn't throw up.
LAUREN: Yeah. No, because she likes to overeat and eat everything like snack.
KASHA PATEL: Oh, she's she likes your dad. He's the chef. She likes to eat, too.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, you want to be a lawyer.
LAUREN: I do.
MOLLY BLOOM: We know they're good at making arguments. So, do you have any advice today about how to make the best argument?
LAUREN: For me, what I learned in school is that the best arguments are rooted in facts and your way to make the person you're trying to persuade believe them. So it's all about delivery.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's all about delivery. All right. Well, let's see how Kasha and Sam do today. But first, let's review the rules of the game. Round 1 is the Declaration of Greatness, where our debaters present fact-filled arguments in favor of their side. And each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements.
Then we've got the Micro-Round, where each team will present a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. Round 3 is the Sneak Attack, where our debaters will have to respond to an improv challenge on the spot. And to wrap it all up, we've got the Final 6, where each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Our judge, Lauren, will award two points in the first round, one for her favorite rebuttal, the other for the declaration she liked best.
She'll award one point in each round after that, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen and, at the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. OK. Sam, Kasha, Lauren, are you ready?
LAUREN: Yes!
KASHA PATEL: Yeah!
SAM SUKSIRI: Let's cook.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Then it's time for the-- Declaration of Greatness. We flipped a coin. And Sam, you're up first. Tell us why chefs are the Smash Boom Best.
SAM SUKSIRI: I would like to take this opportunity to pitch the superhero I think should be the next member of the Avengers. This new superhero has all the fancy gadgets of Iron Man, all the science knowledge of the Hulk, is as skilled with a blade as Black Widow, and is as comfortable around intense flames as the Human Torch. They can teleport around the world and even time travel.
Who is this all-powerful superhero? A chef, of course. The kitchen, a.k.a. the secret layer of the chef, is a laboratory full of culinary gadgets like sous vide, a high-tech method of cooking where ingredients are vacuum sealed and submerged in a temperature-controlled bath to get a juicy steak to the perfect internal temperature. When chefs cook, they are doing science. You know that nutty, buttery taste of a toasted marshmallow?
That's due to a chemical change called the Maillard reaction. Chefs use the power of heat to break down the sugars and protein in foods, like marshmallows and bacon, to create hundreds of new and delicious flavor compounds. But it takes a trained chef to take foods to just perfectly golden brown and delicious, because too much heat and those delicious flavors go up in smoke, literally.
Now, teleportation and time travel. How do chefs do that? Have you ever bitten into a warm biscuit and been transported to your grandma's kitchen?
WOMAN: Eat up, sweetie. You're all skin and bones.
SAM SUKSIRI: Or a whiff of funnel cake. And remember the county fair?
MAN: Step right up, knock a granny into the dunk tank, and win a prize.
SAM SUKSIRI: Our sense of smell actually makes up about 80% of what we taste. And smell, or the olfactory sense, is one of the strongest and most vivid activators of memory.
[SNIFFS]
Chefs also transport us around the world with flavors from different places and cultures. That's why many countries like Thailand use chef to carry out something called culinary diplomacy. That's where they train chefs and send them all over the world to open restaurants. People in those countries love the food, and that gets them to love their country.
Really, chefs don't need to be in a superhero movie. They're already in so many fantastic movies and TV shows. Chef's Table, Master Chef, Iron Chef, Les Chefs, Top Chef, Bottom Chef, Middle Chef, Little Chef on the Prairie, Stranger Chef, CSI but the C stands for chef instead of crime. You get my point. But to be a chef, you don't have to be a celebrity chef like Gordon Ramsay.
GORDON RAMSAY: Where's the lamb sauce!
HEATHER WEST: Come on, man.
GARRETT TELLE: I just need a--
GORDON RAMSAY: Where is the lamb sauce!
SAM SUKSIRI: Or a Guy Fieri.
GUY FIERI: Hey, I'm Guy Fieri. And you know what I need? I need you riding shotgun. I'm on my way to Flavortown!
SAM SUKSIRI: You could be a chef today. To quote Ratatouille, one of my favorite movies about chefs--
ANTON EGO: What do I always say? Anyone can cook.
SAM SUKSIRI: Cook a new recipe for your family or friends. It doesn't have to be perfect. Cooking mistakes can lead to delicious results. You know how the chocolate chip cookie was invented? Well, legend has it, a chef ran out of baking chocolate and threw in bits of a chocolate bar instead.
And the result was a delicious surprise! Now, if a vet makes a mistake, I don't think the result is going to be as delightful as chocolate chip cookies. And like any hero, chefs inspire us to take a courageous, decadent bite out of life like in this clip from a show about my favorite chef, Julia Child.
JULIA CHILD: Butter, sugar, eggs, chocolate. That's all it is, really. As a matter of fact, I have a secret to tell you. You've known how to make a chocolate souffle all along, all you have to do is plunge in. And I'll tell you another secret. That's the key not only to the kitchen but to life itself. This is Julia Child, bon appetit.
MOLLY BLOOM: A delicious declaration of greatness there for chefs. Lauren, what stood out to you about Sam's argument there?
LAUREN: You see, you really got me in the beginning with the Marvel beginning. I love Marvel. I literally have on a Marvel shirt right now.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, thanks.
LAUREN: And then a lot of the facts, like the 80%, that stood out to me. And then the fact about the chocolate chip cookie, I actually know that myself. So it was like, oh, it turns out to be true.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
OK. Kasha, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to stitch up Sam's argument. And your time starts now.
KASHA PATEL: All right. Just like spoiled milk, that argument was mushy and sour and did not settle well. First of all, let's talk about this chocolate bar, the chocolate chip cookie that the chef made. You make it sound like a chef made a mistake, and that's what happened. But in reality, you don't need a chef to make that mistake and make a delicious chocolate chip cookie.
I could do that, and I'm not a chef. Also, you said if a vet makes a mistake, that's way worse. If a chef makes a mistake, you can get something called food poisoning, which can send you to the hospital. Where, you know what? You might need a vet.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
KASHA PATEL: What? No! That's only 30 sec-- I didn't get anywhere. Chefs also make America obese if they're terrible at their jobs.
[LAUGHTER]
SAM SUKSIRI: Wait. Why would you go to a hospital to see a vet if you got food poisoning? Are you in a mob?
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
KASHA PATEL: A hospital, in general, sometimes has vets and human doctors there, as you'll hear in my argument.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh. Oh, OK. OK.
KASHA PATEL: Foreshadowing.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Kasha, it is your turn. Tell us why Critter Fixers are superior.
WOMAN 1: Doctor, we have a problem. A cat's head got stuck in a vent.
[CAT MEOWS]
MAN: Doctor, a turtle got hit by a car and needs a surgery on its shell.
WOMAN 2: Doctor, the dog you treated last week ate a sock, again. It's the same sock.
[DOG BARKS]
KASHA PATEL: These are real veterinary cases. Veterinarians are doctors but with much hairier patients. They attend as much school as a doctor for humans, learn how to treat multiple species of animals, and, unlike chefs, they want to keep their healthy animals alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, we're going to need some sell for that sick burn.
KASHA PATEL: Seriously, vets are highly skilled scientists that heal animals, protect their populations, and can help prevent disease in people. Let's start off with the most obvious reason to become a veterinarian-- hanging out with people's pets. Around 70% of US homes have pets. And 100% of those homes will show you pictures of them, too.
Just take a look at Fluffy.
WOMAN 3: Is Fluffy your dog?
KASHA PATEL: No, my snake.
WOMAN 3: Oh.
KASHA PATEL: Pets are fun and they're great smugglers, usually. Fluffy, come back.
[SNAKE HISSING]
Pets can actually improve our health as well. Studies show that interacting with animals can reduce stress and high blood pressure, which can decrease risks for heart disease. Studies even found that dog owners live longer than non-dog owners. That's the best medicine I've ever heard.
WOMAN 4: I prescribe you three cuddles a day. No skipping.
KASHA PATEL: And we can't have pets without veterinarians. When my dog Marco Barco gets sick or eats a sock, again, I take him to the vet for medicine, tests, and surgery. Pets are like family members. And vets are a critical part of keeping your family healthy.
Vets also work at zoos. Zoo veterinarians monitor the health of exotic animals like tigers, polar bears, snakes, and flamingos. They also help with breeding programs that save species from extinction, and release animals into the wild. I've never met a zoo veterinarian before, so I called up Dr. Carlos Sanchez, the Head Veterinarian at the Oregon Zoo, and asked him about his job.
[PHONE DIALING]
DR. CARLOS SANCHEZ: One day, we have an elephant that needs to check or look at his toenails. Another day, we may have a tiger that is not feeling great, or maybe we just have a routine exam in a chimpanzee. I can tell you, after 20 years of doing it, I'm not bored.
KASHA PATEL: At the Oregon Zoo, Dr. Sanchez and his team are currently working to save these cool, large birds called California condors. They're just one step away from extinction. But as of this year, healthy condors have been released into the wild, thanks to zoos and conservation programs. And that's not even all that's due.
They also protect humans by preventing diseases spreading from animals to people. 75% of new infectious diseases can be transferred between animals and humans. Things like monkeypox, West Nile virus, swine flu, and Ebola that's around the world, monitor animal populations to see if they're falling sick or dying in mass quantities, and then vaccinate animals to prevent illness from spreading to other animals or infecting humans.
They also conduct inspections on livestock to make sure the products that we eat match food safety protocols. And where do these products get shipped? Stores, restaurants, and to chefs. Yep, without veterinarians, most chefs would be out of a job. Remember, vets are important to pets, wildlife, and humans.
WOMAN 5: Doctor, I think the argument for chefs is officially dead.
MOLLY BLOOM: A really adorable, pettable, and fierce argument for veterinarians there. Lauren, what stood out to you about cautious declaration of greatness?
LAUREN: In fact, I checked it off. You gave me seven facts. My teachers would be so proud. And I like the drama aspect of it. It was like, I could imagine watching it.
It was something-- gave me old black and white type vibes like, doctor, he's dying. And then you're ending, that was really funny. With the flat lining out, it's not so bad.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Sam, it's time for your rebuttal. Time to give cautious argument a roasting. You have 30 seconds. And your time starts now.
SAM SUKSIRI: Well, you've got to give props to Kasha for that work. But you should have vetted your research a little bit more, because that dog will not hunt. Now, yes, we love our adorable furry friends, but they're not the smartest animals.
And I don't think the vets, by helping us preserve the life of that dog who keeps eating a sock over and over again, we're not really getting those Terriers who could go out and basically run your entire farm for you. We're not really talking about that kind of animal anymore. And, yeah, vets are not keeping all animals alive. You talked--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, dear.
[LAUGHTER]
That's fine.
LAUREN: I would like to say, my dog who might eat a sock or two, he is very cuddly. And just looking at him lowers my heart rate during this debate.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
SAM SUKSIRI: What's even more cuddly than a puppy is a chef, because they smell like food.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
LAUREN: I would love to cuddle up with a Ratatouille instead of my dog. That sounds so comforting.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Lauren, it is time for you to award some points here. You're going to give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best and one point to the most compelling rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one side charm you with their humor or logic, wow you with amazing facts? The decision is subjective, totally up to you. So both points could go to the same person, maybe one point for each. Have you made your decision?
LAUREN: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Kasha and Sam, how are you guys feeling so far?
SAM SUKSIRI:
MOLLY BLOOM: Hungry.
[LAUGHTER]
Good thing the taste of victory is only minutes away.
LAUREN: That's a good one.
KASHA PATEL: I feel fur-tastic.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
All right. It's time for a quick break. Go stir your source or feed your pets.
LAUREN: And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
ANNOUNCER: You're watching a State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: Howdy doody, debaters. Todd Douglas here with the oatmeal to my raisin--
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Taylor Lincoln. And debaters, we just tracked down a big, bad logical fallacy.
TODD DOUGLAS: Logical fallacies make your arguments soft and squishy.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And sometimes slippery, especially when you use the slippery slope fallacy.
TODD DOUGLAS: The slippery slope fallacy is when someone assumes a teensy-tiny action will spiral into a big terrible outcome.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Like this. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Fido is. Fido is. Yes, you are. You're my puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy. My puppy, puppy, puppy, pup. I love you, love you, love you.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hey, honey. The store was out of gold-colored balloons so we got green instead.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What do you mean they didn't have gold balloons?
TODD DOUGLAS: They were out.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What! But gold is Fido's favorite color, and it's his golden birthday. And he is a Goldendoodle.
TODD DOUGLAS: I know. But it's just balloons. This will still be a great party.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: The green balloons won't match the gold cake. And then everyone will think it's a St. Patrick's Day thing, and then Fido will be so disappointed and so sad.
TODD DOUGLAS: It's going to be OK.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And if Fido was disappointed and sad, he won't be able to perform at the Woofminster Dog Show, he'll never win Best in Show, his career is ruined!
[CRYING]
TODD DOUGLAS: But it's just balloons!
[BUZZER]
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I might just slip and fall over this lack of logic. That is one slippery slope.
TODD DOUGLAS: Yeah. Just because they couldn't get the right balloons for Fido's birthday doesn't mean the party is ruined.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Or that Fido's career is all downhill from here. That's one professional pup. He's clearly a star with or without golden balloons.
TODD DOUGLAS: Without a doubt. Speaking of, I think the Woofminster Dog Show is on now. Let's go watch.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Oh, my favorite. Got to go with it, baterinos. We'll catch you next time on--
BOTH: State of Debate.
[SINGING]
Boom.
Boom
Boom, boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom, boom.
Boom Smash Boom.
Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
LAUREN: And I'm your judge, Lauren.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, how is it going? Are you enjoying the debate so far?
LAUREN: I am. It's making me laugh, and I love to laugh.
MOLLY BLOOM: We love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Here's an epic idea we got from Toby.
TOBY: My idea is snakes versus turtles.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Toby at the end of this episode to see which side he thinks should win.
LAUREN: And now it's back to today's debate, chefs versus veterinarians.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round 2, the--
ANNOUNCER: Micro Round
MOLLY BLOOM: Today's Micro-Round challenge is called Five Stars. We asked Kasha and Sam to write one person or animal's rave review of an awesome veterinarian and chef. Sam went first last time. So Keisha, you're up. Let's hear your thoughts about a five-star vet.
KASHA PATEL: So, I found a review for Dr. Sanchez from one of his patients, Norman. Norman was part of the US Navy's Marine Mammal Program and worked with the Navy's Sea Air Land teams commonly known as the Navy SEALs. Yep, he was known as a Navy SEAL. Ironic because he's actually a 700-pound sea lion. This text has been translated for those who don't speak sea lion.
[IMITATING SEA LION]
NORMAN: I met Dr. Sanchez early in his career when he was at the Smithsonian's National Zoo in Washington, D.C. I had the privilege of living there after I retired from the Navy, where one of my jobs was to detect explosive devices in the water, known as mines. I can't tell you more because my work file is classified, and my lips are sealed.
That will give retirement two flippers up, mainly because of Dr. Sanchez and the staff. I love playing Frisbee and hanging out in the pool. My favorite activity was art. They kept my mind sharp as I was getting older, and spoke to me like I was their friend.
One time, I got sick and had an issue breathing, but the staff helped me keep my fin up. They taught me how to put a traffic cone up my nose. The cone was connected to a machine that delivered my medication. A brilliant idea. And it was pretty fun. I'll give Dr. Sanchez the seal of approval.
KASHA PATEL: Oh, and look. Dr. Sanchez actually responded. Let's hear what he said.
DR. CARLOS SANCHEZ: He was able to teach me and his keepers that we just needed to find the common language to express what we wanted from him. And he was able to do it. And he's one of the most intelligent animals I have ever worked with. I think he trained me rather than me trained him.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, five stars, two fins up for Dr. Sanchez. All right. Sam, it's your turn. Let's hear about a chef with the most.
TRUFFLE: I love chefs! And that's no trifle coming from a truffle. That's right. I'm a truffle. I'm a bumpy brown mushroom that grows underground in the dirt. I look more like a stone than a food, people even used to think I was the creation of the devil.
But all of that changed once chefs got a hold of me. I was confused at first how they would use me. I assumed chefs would want to cover up my crackly skin in exotic aroma with a sauce. But no, they take me just as I am and served delicate wafer-thin shavings of truffle on top of pasta, salad, soup, and even ice cream.
Chefs want everyone to see, taste, and smell me. Chefs love me they will pay top dollar to get me, because I am rich in something they call umami. It's a complex savory taste that makes your mouth water.
Now, these days, I'm a regular at all the finest restaurants. People order me by name. Who else but a chef could have the imagination and the skill to turn me from a dirt clod to the diamond of the kitchen. TLDR, chefs saw something wonderful in me. And thanks to them so does everyone else. Five stars.
MOLLY BLOOM: Five stars from this lovable fungus. All right. Lauren, it's time to award a point. But first, tell me. Does anything stand out to you here about Kasha and Sam's Micro-Rounds?
LAUREN: Kasha, I love the puns. The fact that the vet got the seal of approval and-- you got that for puns. And then I liked with chefs-- I'm a big fan of truffle fries. So the fact that you had a truffle talking, that was yeah, where you buy me in. Can I get some truffle fries? And yeah.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, and you have a refined palate.
KASHA PATEL: I would like to point out that the truffle argument is a bit misleading, because you can eat the truffle mushroom by itself. Basically, the chef looked at it and it was like, oh, it's kind of ugly right now. Maybe I need to dress it up for humans to pay attention to it and eat it.
And I would also like to point out. In my argument earlier, Sam said that animals aren't smart. I'm just saying, I don't think a human can dive into the ocean and release explosive devices like mines. I'm just saying.
SAM SUKSIRI: Look, wherever you stand on animals, yes, chefs do consume them. We, as a culture, consume animals. But chefs do not use animals for military purposes like these poor seals. Oh my goodness. They're going to have PTSD. No wonder they need a vet.
MOLLY BLOOM: Facts.
KASHA PATEL: They're saving America. That seal retired respectfully.
SAM SUKSIRI: He did, he did. What about his comrades? What does he see in his dreams at night? Is it just, arf, arf-arf-arf.
KASHA PATEL: You've been wanting to do that "arf-arf" the entire time.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Lauren, we need you to award a point. Again, the criteria is up to you. But don't tell us who it's going to. Have you made your decision?
LAUREN: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around, the super stealthy--
ANNOUNCER: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: Your sneak attack is called Genre Jumping. We want you to make a short one to two sentence argument for your side. Then, we'll surprise you with three different genres, and you have to restate the same argument in each genre's style.
So, if I was team balloons, I would start by saying, I hate to burst your bubble, but balloons elevate the energy on every occasion. Then I, the host, would say, breaking news. And I'd go to, I hate to burst your bubble, but balloons elevate the energy on every occasion. Does that make sense, Kasha and Sam?
SAM SUKSIRI: Yes.
KASHA PATEL: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All righty. Kasha went first last time, so Sam is going to start. Sam, you have your sentence ready?
SAM SUKSIRI: I've got many sentences ready, but these are the tastiest morsels.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Wonderful. OK, so give us your sentence just straight ahead first.
SAM SUKSIRI: Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Lovely. Now, please do it in the style of a horror movie.
SAM SUKSIRI: (RASPY VOICE) Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kids' TV show.
SAM SUKSIRI: (LIVELY VOICE) Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Nature documentary.
SAM SUKSIRI: (BRITISH ACCENT) Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a delicious cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice work, so versatile. All right. Kasha, you are up. Let's hear your sentence straight ahead for veterinarians.
KASHA PATEL: All right. Doggone it. Vets deserve round of a paws for conserving species, preventing diseases in humans, and keeping Marco Barco alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. All right. Now do it in the style of a romance.
KASHA PATEL: (ROMANTIC VOICE) Doggone it. Vets. Deserve a round of a paws for conserving species and preventing disease in humans and keeping my Marco Barco alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Broadway show.
KASHA PATEL: (SINGING) Doggone it. Vets deserve round of a paws for conserving species and preventing disease to humans and keeping my Marco, my Marco, my Marco Barco alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Now a Western.
KASHA PATEL: [IMITATING WESTERN MUSIC]
(SOUTHERN ACCENT) Doggone it. Vets deserve a round of a paws.
[IMITATING WESTERN MUSIC]
For conserving species, preventing disease to humans, and keeping my Marco Barco alive. Yee-haw!
[LAUGHTER]
LAUREN: I've never seen a Western, can you tell?
MOLLY BLOOM: What were those cooing sounds?
[LAUGHING]
KASHA PATEL: I thought he would be wind howling.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent work. OK. Lauren, think about what you just heard. Did one person wow you with their pizazz? Did another make you laugh? Again, the criteria is totally up to you. Award your fourth point to the team that impressed you the most. Have you made your decision?
LAUREN: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Then it's time for our final around--
ANNOUNCER: The Final 6.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kasha, you've got just six words to wrap this thing up. Let's hear them.
KASHA PATEL: All right. Veterinarians, doctors for animals and people.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Sam, it's your turn. Give us your Final 6.
SAM SUKSIRI: Food unites us, chefs make food.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, very nice. All right. This debate has been quite the career contest. But who will win? There's only one person who can make that call. Lauren, please award a final point. Have you awarded it?
LAUREN: I have made a decision.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
LAUREN: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Drum roll, please.
[DRUMROLL]
And the winner is--
LAUREN: Chefs!
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, yeah! Order up victory pie!
KASHA PATEL: [IMITATING DOG]
SAM SUKSIRI: Hey, don't worry. We got a doggy bag for the vets to take home.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, was there a moment that decided it for chefs?
LAUREN: For me, it was the father, daughter. Because he-- I don't know if that's why he did it. But I don't know if he chose because my dad's a chef and I'm his daughter. But that was creativity right there.
SAM SUKSIRI: What's something your dad's taught you from his culinary training?
LAUREN: The thing is I haven't learned that much from my dad. It's my grandma that I've learned the most from. She doesn't have any culinary experience but the generation's generation.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, yeah. Grandmas. That's where the real good stuff is.
KASHA PATEL: That's what I was also going to say, is you don't need to have a degree to be a chef. If you're really interested in it, you can do that. But if you're a vet, you need a degree to do that.
SAM SUKSIRI: You can't just set up a little stand on your lawn, and I'll take out your guinea pig's appendix?
KASHA PATEL: I think that's malpractice.
[CHUCKLES]
No. Sam, I thought you did a great job. I mean, this was a hard one for me, because I actually really enjoy cooking and trying out new dishes and watching all the cooking shows that you mentioned. So, yeah, I had a lot of fun with this one.
And I thought it was really cool that Lauren's dad is also a chef and went to culinary school, because that's something I'd love to do. As soon as she said that, I'm like, oh, snap. It's going to be real hard for me to win.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Well, that is it for today's debate battle. Lauren crowned chefs the Smash Boom Best, but what about you? Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won. Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
LAUREN: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rose DuPont, and Ruby Guthrie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Gary O'Keefe.
SAM SUKSIRI: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
LAUREN: And we had production help from Anna Goldfield, Marc Sanchez, Anna Weggel, and Nico Wisler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman, and the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Shepherd, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Coffman, and Brant Miller. Sam, is there anyone you'd like to thank today?
SAM SUKSIRI: Yes, I would like to thank my sisters, especially my sister Melissa, who is an amazing baker.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Kasha? Any special shout outs?
KASHA PATEL: Yeah, I would like to thank Dr. Carlos Sanchez and the Oregon Zoo team for lending their time and talking with me. And I would also like to thank Marco Barco, because even though vets didn't win this debate live, although you guys can still vote for me online, he is still the best thing in my house. And I also live with a fiancée.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Marco Barco. And Lauren, how about you? Do you want to give any special thanks?
LAUREN: I would like to thank my father, my grandmother, and my little sister, because she's the one that I debate with all the time.
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. Well, before we go, let's check in with Toby and see who he thinks should win his snakes versus turtles debate.
TOBY: I think turtles will win because they live in water and they're green.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week.
KASHA PATEL: Ta-ta!
SAM SUKSIRI: Bon appetit! Awoo!
LAUREN: Adios!
[THEME MUSIC]
SAM SUKSIRI: If I was someone's pet, that's such a weird scenario, I would probably do weird things like eat socks or whatever.
[LAUGHTER]
LAUREN: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: I'm Molly Bloom and you're listening to Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's stand off features two prominent professions, kitchen wizards and kitten whisperers. It's chefs versus veterinarians. We've got comedy writer and LEGO master model builder, Sam Suksiri, here to represent the chefs de cuisine.
SAM SUKSIRI: The stakes have never been higher.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
And we have comic and writer, Kasha Patel, here to defend the Medex of the menagerie.
KASHA PATEL: You're toast. Vets are im-paw-sibble to beat.
MOLLY BLOOM: Which team will win? The one who makes food sizzle or the one who's like Dr. Doolittle? We've got Lauren from Brooklyn, New York, here to help us decide. She's an aspiring lawyer who can do a one-handed cartwheel and knows all the words to every song in Hamilton. Hey, Lauren.
LAUREN: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, what comes to mind when I say veterinarian?
LAUREN: Veterinarian? My dog or my cat.
MOLLY BLOOM: And what about chefs? What pops in your head there?
LAUREN: My dad, because he went to culinary school.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, very nice. So if you had to become one or the other, like those are your only two career choices, which one would you pick?
LAUREN: Chef. I love to eat, I like food. If I could cook my own amazing food, I would do it every single day.
MOLLY BLOOM: What about your dog? Can we hear a little bit about your dog?
LAUREN: Oh, my dog? See, I'm not the biggest fan of her at the moment.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Why not?
LAUREN: She threw up in my room this morning.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
LAUREN: So, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's not cool.
KASHA PATEL: She was nervous.
LAUREN: No. I love my dog, I love my cat. They're amazing. They're super cuddly and stuff like that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Is this a big dog or a small dog?
LAUREN: She's a pretty big dog. She's a Pit Bull Terrier mix, if I'm not mistaken.
KASHA PATEL: Ooh! That's like my dog, except he doesn't throw up.
LAUREN: Yeah. No, because she likes to overeat and eat everything like snack.
KASHA PATEL: Oh, she's she likes your dad. He's the chef. She likes to eat, too.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, you want to be a lawyer.
LAUREN: I do.
MOLLY BLOOM: We know they're good at making arguments. So, do you have any advice today about how to make the best argument?
LAUREN: For me, what I learned in school is that the best arguments are rooted in facts and your way to make the person you're trying to persuade believe them. So it's all about delivery.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's all about delivery. All right. Well, let's see how Kasha and Sam do today. But first, let's review the rules of the game. Round 1 is the Declaration of Greatness, where our debaters present fact-filled arguments in favor of their side. And each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements.
Then we've got the Micro-Round, where each team will present a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. Round 3 is the Sneak Attack, where our debaters will have to respond to an improv challenge on the spot. And to wrap it all up, we've got the Final 6, where each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Our judge, Lauren, will award two points in the first round, one for her favorite rebuttal, the other for the declaration she liked best.
She'll award one point in each round after that, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen and, at the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. OK. Sam, Kasha, Lauren, are you ready?
LAUREN: Yes!
KASHA PATEL: Yeah!
SAM SUKSIRI: Let's cook.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Then it's time for the-- Declaration of Greatness. We flipped a coin. And Sam, you're up first. Tell us why chefs are the Smash Boom Best.
SAM SUKSIRI: I would like to take this opportunity to pitch the superhero I think should be the next member of the Avengers. This new superhero has all the fancy gadgets of Iron Man, all the science knowledge of the Hulk, is as skilled with a blade as Black Widow, and is as comfortable around intense flames as the Human Torch. They can teleport around the world and even time travel.
Who is this all-powerful superhero? A chef, of course. The kitchen, a.k.a. the secret layer of the chef, is a laboratory full of culinary gadgets like sous vide, a high-tech method of cooking where ingredients are vacuum sealed and submerged in a temperature-controlled bath to get a juicy steak to the perfect internal temperature. When chefs cook, they are doing science. You know that nutty, buttery taste of a toasted marshmallow?
That's due to a chemical change called the Maillard reaction. Chefs use the power of heat to break down the sugars and protein in foods, like marshmallows and bacon, to create hundreds of new and delicious flavor compounds. But it takes a trained chef to take foods to just perfectly golden brown and delicious, because too much heat and those delicious flavors go up in smoke, literally.
Now, teleportation and time travel. How do chefs do that? Have you ever bitten into a warm biscuit and been transported to your grandma's kitchen?
WOMAN: Eat up, sweetie. You're all skin and bones.
SAM SUKSIRI: Or a whiff of funnel cake. And remember the county fair?
MAN: Step right up, knock a granny into the dunk tank, and win a prize.
SAM SUKSIRI: Our sense of smell actually makes up about 80% of what we taste. And smell, or the olfactory sense, is one of the strongest and most vivid activators of memory.
[SNIFFS]
Chefs also transport us around the world with flavors from different places and cultures. That's why many countries like Thailand use chef to carry out something called culinary diplomacy. That's where they train chefs and send them all over the world to open restaurants. People in those countries love the food, and that gets them to love their country.
Really, chefs don't need to be in a superhero movie. They're already in so many fantastic movies and TV shows. Chef's Table, Master Chef, Iron Chef, Les Chefs, Top Chef, Bottom Chef, Middle Chef, Little Chef on the Prairie, Stranger Chef, CSI but the C stands for chef instead of crime. You get my point. But to be a chef, you don't have to be a celebrity chef like Gordon Ramsay.
GORDON RAMSAY: Where's the lamb sauce!
HEATHER WEST: Come on, man.
GARRETT TELLE: I just need a--
GORDON RAMSAY: Where is the lamb sauce!
SAM SUKSIRI: Or a Guy Fieri.
GUY FIERI: Hey, I'm Guy Fieri. And you know what I need? I need you riding shotgun. I'm on my way to Flavortown!
SAM SUKSIRI: You could be a chef today. To quote Ratatouille, one of my favorite movies about chefs--
ANTON EGO: What do I always say? Anyone can cook.
SAM SUKSIRI: Cook a new recipe for your family or friends. It doesn't have to be perfect. Cooking mistakes can lead to delicious results. You know how the chocolate chip cookie was invented? Well, legend has it, a chef ran out of baking chocolate and threw in bits of a chocolate bar instead.
And the result was a delicious surprise! Now, if a vet makes a mistake, I don't think the result is going to be as delightful as chocolate chip cookies. And like any hero, chefs inspire us to take a courageous, decadent bite out of life like in this clip from a show about my favorite chef, Julia Child.
JULIA CHILD: Butter, sugar, eggs, chocolate. That's all it is, really. As a matter of fact, I have a secret to tell you. You've known how to make a chocolate souffle all along, all you have to do is plunge in. And I'll tell you another secret. That's the key not only to the kitchen but to life itself. This is Julia Child, bon appetit.
MOLLY BLOOM: A delicious declaration of greatness there for chefs. Lauren, what stood out to you about Sam's argument there?
LAUREN: You see, you really got me in the beginning with the Marvel beginning. I love Marvel. I literally have on a Marvel shirt right now.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, thanks.
LAUREN: And then a lot of the facts, like the 80%, that stood out to me. And then the fact about the chocolate chip cookie, I actually know that myself. So it was like, oh, it turns out to be true.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
OK. Kasha, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to stitch up Sam's argument. And your time starts now.
KASHA PATEL: All right. Just like spoiled milk, that argument was mushy and sour and did not settle well. First of all, let's talk about this chocolate bar, the chocolate chip cookie that the chef made. You make it sound like a chef made a mistake, and that's what happened. But in reality, you don't need a chef to make that mistake and make a delicious chocolate chip cookie.
I could do that, and I'm not a chef. Also, you said if a vet makes a mistake, that's way worse. If a chef makes a mistake, you can get something called food poisoning, which can send you to the hospital. Where, you know what? You might need a vet.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
KASHA PATEL: What? No! That's only 30 sec-- I didn't get anywhere. Chefs also make America obese if they're terrible at their jobs.
[LAUGHTER]
SAM SUKSIRI: Wait. Why would you go to a hospital to see a vet if you got food poisoning? Are you in a mob?
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
KASHA PATEL: A hospital, in general, sometimes has vets and human doctors there, as you'll hear in my argument.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh. Oh, OK. OK.
KASHA PATEL: Foreshadowing.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Kasha, it is your turn. Tell us why Critter Fixers are superior.
WOMAN 1: Doctor, we have a problem. A cat's head got stuck in a vent.
[CAT MEOWS]
MAN: Doctor, a turtle got hit by a car and needs a surgery on its shell.
WOMAN 2: Doctor, the dog you treated last week ate a sock, again. It's the same sock.
[DOG BARKS]
KASHA PATEL: These are real veterinary cases. Veterinarians are doctors but with much hairier patients. They attend as much school as a doctor for humans, learn how to treat multiple species of animals, and, unlike chefs, they want to keep their healthy animals alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, we're going to need some sell for that sick burn.
KASHA PATEL: Seriously, vets are highly skilled scientists that heal animals, protect their populations, and can help prevent disease in people. Let's start off with the most obvious reason to become a veterinarian-- hanging out with people's pets. Around 70% of US homes have pets. And 100% of those homes will show you pictures of them, too.
Just take a look at Fluffy.
WOMAN 3: Is Fluffy your dog?
KASHA PATEL: No, my snake.
WOMAN 3: Oh.
KASHA PATEL: Pets are fun and they're great smugglers, usually. Fluffy, come back.
[SNAKE HISSING]
Pets can actually improve our health as well. Studies show that interacting with animals can reduce stress and high blood pressure, which can decrease risks for heart disease. Studies even found that dog owners live longer than non-dog owners. That's the best medicine I've ever heard.
WOMAN 4: I prescribe you three cuddles a day. No skipping.
KASHA PATEL: And we can't have pets without veterinarians. When my dog Marco Barco gets sick or eats a sock, again, I take him to the vet for medicine, tests, and surgery. Pets are like family members. And vets are a critical part of keeping your family healthy.
Vets also work at zoos. Zoo veterinarians monitor the health of exotic animals like tigers, polar bears, snakes, and flamingos. They also help with breeding programs that save species from extinction, and release animals into the wild. I've never met a zoo veterinarian before, so I called up Dr. Carlos Sanchez, the Head Veterinarian at the Oregon Zoo, and asked him about his job.
[PHONE DIALING]
DR. CARLOS SANCHEZ: One day, we have an elephant that needs to check or look at his toenails. Another day, we may have a tiger that is not feeling great, or maybe we just have a routine exam in a chimpanzee. I can tell you, after 20 years of doing it, I'm not bored.
KASHA PATEL: At the Oregon Zoo, Dr. Sanchez and his team are currently working to save these cool, large birds called California condors. They're just one step away from extinction. But as of this year, healthy condors have been released into the wild, thanks to zoos and conservation programs. And that's not even all that's due.
They also protect humans by preventing diseases spreading from animals to people. 75% of new infectious diseases can be transferred between animals and humans. Things like monkeypox, West Nile virus, swine flu, and Ebola that's around the world, monitor animal populations to see if they're falling sick or dying in mass quantities, and then vaccinate animals to prevent illness from spreading to other animals or infecting humans.
They also conduct inspections on livestock to make sure the products that we eat match food safety protocols. And where do these products get shipped? Stores, restaurants, and to chefs. Yep, without veterinarians, most chefs would be out of a job. Remember, vets are important to pets, wildlife, and humans.
WOMAN 5: Doctor, I think the argument for chefs is officially dead.
MOLLY BLOOM: A really adorable, pettable, and fierce argument for veterinarians there. Lauren, what stood out to you about cautious declaration of greatness?
LAUREN: In fact, I checked it off. You gave me seven facts. My teachers would be so proud. And I like the drama aspect of it. It was like, I could imagine watching it.
It was something-- gave me old black and white type vibes like, doctor, he's dying. And then you're ending, that was really funny. With the flat lining out, it's not so bad.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Sam, it's time for your rebuttal. Time to give cautious argument a roasting. You have 30 seconds. And your time starts now.
SAM SUKSIRI: Well, you've got to give props to Kasha for that work. But you should have vetted your research a little bit more, because that dog will not hunt. Now, yes, we love our adorable furry friends, but they're not the smartest animals.
And I don't think the vets, by helping us preserve the life of that dog who keeps eating a sock over and over again, we're not really getting those Terriers who could go out and basically run your entire farm for you. We're not really talking about that kind of animal anymore. And, yeah, vets are not keeping all animals alive. You talked--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, dear.
[LAUGHTER]
That's fine.
LAUREN: I would like to say, my dog who might eat a sock or two, he is very cuddly. And just looking at him lowers my heart rate during this debate.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
SAM SUKSIRI: What's even more cuddly than a puppy is a chef, because they smell like food.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
LAUREN: I would love to cuddle up with a Ratatouille instead of my dog. That sounds so comforting.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Lauren, it is time for you to award some points here. You're going to give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best and one point to the most compelling rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one side charm you with their humor or logic, wow you with amazing facts? The decision is subjective, totally up to you. So both points could go to the same person, maybe one point for each. Have you made your decision?
LAUREN: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Kasha and Sam, how are you guys feeling so far?
SAM SUKSIRI:
MOLLY BLOOM: Hungry.
[LAUGHTER]
Good thing the taste of victory is only minutes away.
LAUREN: That's a good one.
KASHA PATEL: I feel fur-tastic.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
All right. It's time for a quick break. Go stir your source or feed your pets.
LAUREN: And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
ANNOUNCER: You're watching a State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: Howdy doody, debaters. Todd Douglas here with the oatmeal to my raisin--
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Taylor Lincoln. And debaters, we just tracked down a big, bad logical fallacy.
TODD DOUGLAS: Logical fallacies make your arguments soft and squishy.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And sometimes slippery, especially when you use the slippery slope fallacy.
TODD DOUGLAS: The slippery slope fallacy is when someone assumes a teensy-tiny action will spiral into a big terrible outcome.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Like this. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Fido is. Fido is. Yes, you are. You're my puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy. My puppy, puppy, puppy, pup. I love you, love you, love you.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hey, honey. The store was out of gold-colored balloons so we got green instead.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What do you mean they didn't have gold balloons?
TODD DOUGLAS: They were out.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What! But gold is Fido's favorite color, and it's his golden birthday. And he is a Goldendoodle.
TODD DOUGLAS: I know. But it's just balloons. This will still be a great party.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: The green balloons won't match the gold cake. And then everyone will think it's a St. Patrick's Day thing, and then Fido will be so disappointed and so sad.
TODD DOUGLAS: It's going to be OK.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And if Fido was disappointed and sad, he won't be able to perform at the Woofminster Dog Show, he'll never win Best in Show, his career is ruined!
[CRYING]
TODD DOUGLAS: But it's just balloons!
[BUZZER]
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I might just slip and fall over this lack of logic. That is one slippery slope.
TODD DOUGLAS: Yeah. Just because they couldn't get the right balloons for Fido's birthday doesn't mean the party is ruined.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Or that Fido's career is all downhill from here. That's one professional pup. He's clearly a star with or without golden balloons.
TODD DOUGLAS: Without a doubt. Speaking of, I think the Woofminster Dog Show is on now. Let's go watch.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Oh, my favorite. Got to go with it, baterinos. We'll catch you next time on--
BOTH: State of Debate.
[SINGING]
Boom.
Boom
Boom, boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom, boom.
Boom Smash Boom.
Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
LAUREN: And I'm your judge, Lauren.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, how is it going? Are you enjoying the debate so far?
LAUREN: I am. It's making me laugh, and I love to laugh.
MOLLY BLOOM: We love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Here's an epic idea we got from Toby.
TOBY: My idea is snakes versus turtles.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Toby at the end of this episode to see which side he thinks should win.
LAUREN: And now it's back to today's debate, chefs versus veterinarians.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round 2, the--
ANNOUNCER: Micro Round
MOLLY BLOOM: Today's Micro-Round challenge is called Five Stars. We asked Kasha and Sam to write one person or animal's rave review of an awesome veterinarian and chef. Sam went first last time. So Keisha, you're up. Let's hear your thoughts about a five-star vet.
KASHA PATEL: So, I found a review for Dr. Sanchez from one of his patients, Norman. Norman was part of the US Navy's Marine Mammal Program and worked with the Navy's Sea Air Land teams commonly known as the Navy SEALs. Yep, he was known as a Navy SEAL. Ironic because he's actually a 700-pound sea lion. This text has been translated for those who don't speak sea lion.
[IMITATING SEA LION]
NORMAN: I met Dr. Sanchez early in his career when he was at the Smithsonian's National Zoo in Washington, D.C. I had the privilege of living there after I retired from the Navy, where one of my jobs was to detect explosive devices in the water, known as mines. I can't tell you more because my work file is classified, and my lips are sealed.
That will give retirement two flippers up, mainly because of Dr. Sanchez and the staff. I love playing Frisbee and hanging out in the pool. My favorite activity was art. They kept my mind sharp as I was getting older, and spoke to me like I was their friend.
One time, I got sick and had an issue breathing, but the staff helped me keep my fin up. They taught me how to put a traffic cone up my nose. The cone was connected to a machine that delivered my medication. A brilliant idea. And it was pretty fun. I'll give Dr. Sanchez the seal of approval.
KASHA PATEL: Oh, and look. Dr. Sanchez actually responded. Let's hear what he said.
DR. CARLOS SANCHEZ: He was able to teach me and his keepers that we just needed to find the common language to express what we wanted from him. And he was able to do it. And he's one of the most intelligent animals I have ever worked with. I think he trained me rather than me trained him.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, five stars, two fins up for Dr. Sanchez. All right. Sam, it's your turn. Let's hear about a chef with the most.
TRUFFLE: I love chefs! And that's no trifle coming from a truffle. That's right. I'm a truffle. I'm a bumpy brown mushroom that grows underground in the dirt. I look more like a stone than a food, people even used to think I was the creation of the devil.
But all of that changed once chefs got a hold of me. I was confused at first how they would use me. I assumed chefs would want to cover up my crackly skin in exotic aroma with a sauce. But no, they take me just as I am and served delicate wafer-thin shavings of truffle on top of pasta, salad, soup, and even ice cream.
Chefs want everyone to see, taste, and smell me. Chefs love me they will pay top dollar to get me, because I am rich in something they call umami. It's a complex savory taste that makes your mouth water.
Now, these days, I'm a regular at all the finest restaurants. People order me by name. Who else but a chef could have the imagination and the skill to turn me from a dirt clod to the diamond of the kitchen. TLDR, chefs saw something wonderful in me. And thanks to them so does everyone else. Five stars.
MOLLY BLOOM: Five stars from this lovable fungus. All right. Lauren, it's time to award a point. But first, tell me. Does anything stand out to you here about Kasha and Sam's Micro-Rounds?
LAUREN: Kasha, I love the puns. The fact that the vet got the seal of approval and-- you got that for puns. And then I liked with chefs-- I'm a big fan of truffle fries. So the fact that you had a truffle talking, that was yeah, where you buy me in. Can I get some truffle fries? And yeah.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, and you have a refined palate.
KASHA PATEL: I would like to point out that the truffle argument is a bit misleading, because you can eat the truffle mushroom by itself. Basically, the chef looked at it and it was like, oh, it's kind of ugly right now. Maybe I need to dress it up for humans to pay attention to it and eat it.
And I would also like to point out. In my argument earlier, Sam said that animals aren't smart. I'm just saying, I don't think a human can dive into the ocean and release explosive devices like mines. I'm just saying.
SAM SUKSIRI: Look, wherever you stand on animals, yes, chefs do consume them. We, as a culture, consume animals. But chefs do not use animals for military purposes like these poor seals. Oh my goodness. They're going to have PTSD. No wonder they need a vet.
MOLLY BLOOM: Facts.
KASHA PATEL: They're saving America. That seal retired respectfully.
SAM SUKSIRI: He did, he did. What about his comrades? What does he see in his dreams at night? Is it just, arf, arf-arf-arf.
KASHA PATEL: You've been wanting to do that "arf-arf" the entire time.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Lauren, we need you to award a point. Again, the criteria is up to you. But don't tell us who it's going to. Have you made your decision?
LAUREN: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around, the super stealthy--
ANNOUNCER: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: Your sneak attack is called Genre Jumping. We want you to make a short one to two sentence argument for your side. Then, we'll surprise you with three different genres, and you have to restate the same argument in each genre's style.
So, if I was team balloons, I would start by saying, I hate to burst your bubble, but balloons elevate the energy on every occasion. Then I, the host, would say, breaking news. And I'd go to, I hate to burst your bubble, but balloons elevate the energy on every occasion. Does that make sense, Kasha and Sam?
SAM SUKSIRI: Yes.
KASHA PATEL: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All righty. Kasha went first last time, so Sam is going to start. Sam, you have your sentence ready?
SAM SUKSIRI: I've got many sentences ready, but these are the tastiest morsels.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Wonderful. OK, so give us your sentence just straight ahead first.
SAM SUKSIRI: Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Lovely. Now, please do it in the style of a horror movie.
SAM SUKSIRI: (RASPY VOICE) Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kids' TV show.
SAM SUKSIRI: (LIVELY VOICE) Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Nature documentary.
SAM SUKSIRI: (BRITISH ACCENT) Food nourishes the body but also the soul. It is a delicious cultural treasure passed from generation to generation, father to daughter.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice work, so versatile. All right. Kasha, you are up. Let's hear your sentence straight ahead for veterinarians.
KASHA PATEL: All right. Doggone it. Vets deserve round of a paws for conserving species, preventing diseases in humans, and keeping Marco Barco alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. All right. Now do it in the style of a romance.
KASHA PATEL: (ROMANTIC VOICE) Doggone it. Vets. Deserve a round of a paws for conserving species and preventing disease in humans and keeping my Marco Barco alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Broadway show.
KASHA PATEL: (SINGING) Doggone it. Vets deserve round of a paws for conserving species and preventing disease to humans and keeping my Marco, my Marco, my Marco Barco alive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Now a Western.
KASHA PATEL: [IMITATING WESTERN MUSIC]
(SOUTHERN ACCENT) Doggone it. Vets deserve a round of a paws.
[IMITATING WESTERN MUSIC]
For conserving species, preventing disease to humans, and keeping my Marco Barco alive. Yee-haw!
[LAUGHTER]
LAUREN: I've never seen a Western, can you tell?
MOLLY BLOOM: What were those cooing sounds?
[LAUGHING]
KASHA PATEL: I thought he would be wind howling.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent work. OK. Lauren, think about what you just heard. Did one person wow you with their pizazz? Did another make you laugh? Again, the criteria is totally up to you. Award your fourth point to the team that impressed you the most. Have you made your decision?
LAUREN: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Then it's time for our final around--
ANNOUNCER: The Final 6.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kasha, you've got just six words to wrap this thing up. Let's hear them.
KASHA PATEL: All right. Veterinarians, doctors for animals and people.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Sam, it's your turn. Give us your Final 6.
SAM SUKSIRI: Food unites us, chefs make food.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, very nice. All right. This debate has been quite the career contest. But who will win? There's only one person who can make that call. Lauren, please award a final point. Have you awarded it?
LAUREN: I have made a decision.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
LAUREN: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Drum roll, please.
[DRUMROLL]
And the winner is--
LAUREN: Chefs!
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, yeah! Order up victory pie!
KASHA PATEL: [IMITATING DOG]
SAM SUKSIRI: Hey, don't worry. We got a doggy bag for the vets to take home.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Lauren, was there a moment that decided it for chefs?
LAUREN: For me, it was the father, daughter. Because he-- I don't know if that's why he did it. But I don't know if he chose because my dad's a chef and I'm his daughter. But that was creativity right there.
SAM SUKSIRI: What's something your dad's taught you from his culinary training?
LAUREN: The thing is I haven't learned that much from my dad. It's my grandma that I've learned the most from. She doesn't have any culinary experience but the generation's generation.
SAM SUKSIRI: Oh, yeah. Grandmas. That's where the real good stuff is.
KASHA PATEL: That's what I was also going to say, is you don't need to have a degree to be a chef. If you're really interested in it, you can do that. But if you're a vet, you need a degree to do that.
SAM SUKSIRI: You can't just set up a little stand on your lawn, and I'll take out your guinea pig's appendix?
KASHA PATEL: I think that's malpractice.
[CHUCKLES]
No. Sam, I thought you did a great job. I mean, this was a hard one for me, because I actually really enjoy cooking and trying out new dishes and watching all the cooking shows that you mentioned. So, yeah, I had a lot of fun with this one.
And I thought it was really cool that Lauren's dad is also a chef and went to culinary school, because that's something I'd love to do. As soon as she said that, I'm like, oh, snap. It's going to be real hard for me to win.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Well, that is it for today's debate battle. Lauren crowned chefs the Smash Boom Best, but what about you? Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won. Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
LAUREN: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rose DuPont, and Ruby Guthrie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Gary O'Keefe.
SAM SUKSIRI: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
LAUREN: And we had production help from Anna Goldfield, Marc Sanchez, Anna Weggel, and Nico Wisler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman, and the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Shepherd, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Coffman, and Brant Miller. Sam, is there anyone you'd like to thank today?
SAM SUKSIRI: Yes, I would like to thank my sisters, especially my sister Melissa, who is an amazing baker.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Kasha? Any special shout outs?
KASHA PATEL: Yeah, I would like to thank Dr. Carlos Sanchez and the Oregon Zoo team for lending their time and talking with me. And I would also like to thank Marco Barco, because even though vets didn't win this debate live, although you guys can still vote for me online, he is still the best thing in my house. And I also live with a fiancée.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Marco Barco. And Lauren, how about you? Do you want to give any special thanks?
LAUREN: I would like to thank my father, my grandmother, and my little sister, because she's the one that I debate with all the time.
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. Well, before we go, let's check in with Toby and see who he thinks should win his snakes versus turtles debate.
TOBY: I think turtles will win because they live in water and they're green.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week.
KASHA PATEL: Ta-ta!
SAM SUKSIRI: Bon appetit! Awoo!
LAUREN: Adios!
[THEME MUSIC]
SAM SUKSIRI: If I was someone's pet, that's such a weird scenario, I would probably do weird things like eat socks or whatever.
[LAUGHTER]
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