Godfrey Hibbert
We hope you're hungry, cuz today’s debate stars two funny, fantastic foods. It’s Jello vs. Spam! Audio producer Tracy Mumford and American chef and food writer Kenji Lopez-Alt get serious in this squelching smackdown… but which tasty treat will triumph? Jiggly, wiggly Jello, or Spam, that salty ham in a can!?
Vote below for the team YOU think won!
Audio Transcript
Download transcript (PDF)
SUBJECT 1: From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
OSCAR: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash Boom Best. The show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. We hope you're hungry because we're serving up two eclectic eats in today's bouncy battle.
In one corner, it's the dessert that dances, Jell-O. And in the other, that salty ham in a can, Spam. Which bizarre bite will win this smash boom battle? Hard to say. But lucky for us we've got Oscar from Minneapolis here to help us choose a wiggly jiggly winner.
Hi, Oscar.
OSCAR: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Oscar, when I say Jell-O, what comes to mind?
OSCAR: Well, I have very mixed feelings with Jell-O. There's a lot of positive experiences. The texture, very interesting, a lot of good flavors. But it can very easily go wrong. You know that skin on the edges? Oh, disgusting. So mixed emotions.
MOLLY BLOOM: And what about Spam, what comes to mind there?
OSCAR: Oh, Spam, Spam I feel it's more foreign to me. Spam is something out there, not really in my realm. So I'm more I'm more open to new experiences regarding Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you tried it before?
OSCAR: You know, I don't know if I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. So we have a blank slate to work with. Let's meet our debaters. Here to defend Jell-O, it's audio producer extraordinaire Tracy Mumford. Hi, Tracy.
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-O, Jell-O.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
So Tracy, in a single sentence, why is Jell-O cooler than Spam?
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-O is a scientific marvel that brought dessert for the whole world.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. And here to represent Spam, it's cookbook and children's book author, New York Times columnist and restaurateur Kenji Lopez Alt. Hi, Kenji.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Spam, Spam.
TRACY MUMFORD: Didn't sound as catchy, huh?
MOLLY BLOOM: I think I'm going to answer the phone like that from now on. Spam. In one sentence, why is Spam the smash, boom, best?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Oh, Spam is delicious. It lasts forever. It comes in 12 flavors. It's got a full 57% of your recommended daily allowance of sodium, which is great if you suffer from hyponatremia. And it can technically be a very small part of a balanced breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Let's review the rules of the game. Round one is the declaration of greatness where our debaters will present fact filled arguments in favor of their side. They'll also each get 30 seconds to rebut their opponents statement. Then we've got the micro round where each team will respond to a creative assignment they received in advance.
Round three is the sneak attack, a surprise challenge debaters will respond to on the spot. And to wrap it all up, we've got the final six where each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Our judge Oscar will award two points in the first round, one for his favorite rebuttal, and one for his preferred declaration. And then he'll award one point in each round after that. But he'll keep his decisions top secret until the end of the debate.
Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. Everybody, are you ready?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Ready.
TRACY MUMFORD: Let's wiggle.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
SUBJECT 1: Declaration of greatness.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Our debaters will present the most fascinating facts and awesome arguments in favor of their side. We flipped a coin. And Tracy, you're up first. I hope you're ready for this jelly. Let's hear your declaration of greatness for Jell-O.
TRACY MUMFORD: OK. Take a walk with me, a time walk. It's the 1800s, people are riding horses to get anywhere. There's no refrigerators, no freezers, no electricity, no nothing. And you're standing there on a super dusty street. And it's hot out, and you're thinking, gosh, I just want some Jell-O.
Excuse me, sir, where can I get a fruity flavored jiggly wiggly delight of a dessert?
SUBJECT 2: I'm so sorry strange person, but are you filthy rich?
TRACY MUMFORD: Fair point, fair point because that's what it would have taken to get a gelatin dessert if we were in the past. Jell-O is a spin on the word gelatin. It's that special substance that gives desserts that jiggly see-through texture. It's a protein that comes from different parts of animals.
And when it's melted in hot water and then cooled, it makes a colloid, which is a liquid suspended in a solid.
SUBJECT 2: That sounds like magic.
TRACY MUMFORD: Taste like it too. And if you wanted to have that in the 1800s, you would need some cow legs, or the bladder of a fish, a big old pot to boil all of that in, a strainer, all of your own spices and flavors, a whole day to cook and then let it set, and servants who would have done all that work for you. So yeah, you would have to be super wealthy.
SUBJECT 2: Alas, for the rest of us, gelatin desserts are wildly out of reach.
TRACY MUMFORD: Luckily in the 1800s, a bunch of inventors started experimenting with how to make a cheaper gelatin. And I'm not going to lie, the first gelatin you could buy it did not really taste good. But weirdly enough, it made a great glue. Then came Pearle Waite and his wife May.
Pearl decided to add strong delicious flavors and colors to this kind of not great ready made gelatin. There was raspberry and lemon and orange and strawberry. Sound familiar? May called this tasty new creation Jell-O. They sold their invention to another company, and things took off thanks to some genius marketing.
They had people go house to house all over the country putting a bunch of recipes under everybody's door. So imagine waking up and seeing this pamphlet promising all these delicious desserts that you can make and all you need to do is go to the grocery store and get this one magical new product, Jell-O. This is like making you crave Jell-O by spamming you with a bunch of delicious pictures on Instagram. Oh sorry, did I say Spam?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Anyway, this is why I love Jell-O. It took this fancy schmancy dessert that all of us could only dream about and brought it to the people.
[CHEERING]
I also love jell-o because it encourages experimentation. In 1906, there was chocolate flavored Jell-O. I cannot really imagine wiggly jiggly see-through chocolate. But by golly, they tried. Jell-O also encourages other people to experiment. Here are some of my favorite foods that I have seen in Jell-O recipes.
Almonds, nuts in your Jell-O? Sure. Love a crunch. Marshmallows, definitely, why not? Pineapple, toss it in there. The more fruit, the better. Onions in Jell-O? OK, that's like a little on the edge for me. Mayonnaise, I would try it. Olives? Kind of a salty sweet thing. And tuna.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Tuna in your Jell-O. You know what? Even if I personally am not scarfing up tuna and lime Jell-O for lunch, I love that jell-o is a blank canvas for people to experiment with. If you're in the Midwest, we even call it a salad. Jell-O basically screams I can do and be anything. And I mean really anything.
Here are some of Jell-O other uses. You know the rainbow colored horses in The Wizard of Oz?
SUBJECT 3: I've never seen a horse like that before.
TRACY MUMFORD: They are covered in Jell-O powder of different flavors to get that rainbow look. Chimpanzees in the zoo love to eat Jell-O. They've got great taste. So it's also a zoo food. People wrestle in Jell-O. Imagine the squish.
And-- and I should not be telling you this-- you can use jell-o to dye your hair. There are definitely less messy ways. But people do it. Ask your parents first. Basically Jell-O brings the rainbow everywhere it goes from your house to famous movies, to punk rock hair, to the zoo, to the swimming pool where you would need about 700 gallons of Jell-O.
But just imagine you're back on that street in the 1800s with a hankering for a fruity cup of Jell-O, and a stranger passes you by, and you want to grab them and yell at them and say, wait for the future, Jell-O is coming. It wiggles, it jiggles, it tastes delicious. It brings dessert for everybody, instead of just the rich.
SUBJECT 2: Sounds like a bright and glorious future indeed.
TRACY MUMFORD: And wait till you see what it can do to your hair.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Jell-O wiggling its way into our hearts and onto our heads. Oscar, what do you think about Tracy's declaration of greatness?
OSCAR: I really like it. I had no idea there were non-food uses for Jell-O. I love that. And I also love the whole thing about like it's been brought from the higher classes down for everyone. I liked it quite a bit. Good start for Jell-O.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, Kenji, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to get spammy with it. And your time starts now.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: All right, you want to talk about how diverse Jell-O is, well, Spam has got a beat. You can grill it. You can saute it. You can braise it. You can put it in a sandwich. You can put it in a taco. You can use it as croutons. You can bake it into a Spam Wellington.
And you talked a lot about the past, Jell-O is a food of the past from the 1800s, whereas spam is the food of the future. We all know that the apocalypse is coming, the zombie apocalypse is coming. And when the zombies are at your door, I want to have a bunker full of Spam that I could eat any time, not a bunch of packets of Jell-O. Spam has a beat.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
TRACY MUMFORD: I'm sorry, did you guys bring in a cookbook author or a cookbook? Because I just heard recipes being listed.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, well, Kenji, I know you have more to say. 30 seconds was not enough. So let's hear why Spam deserves to be crowned the snack, boom, best.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I love Spam, the iconic blue and yellow packaging, the salty flavor packed meat. But you know what makes spam such a standout? You can literally eat it anywhere. And it always makes the meal. Grill it up while you can camp.
SUBJECT 4: Hmm.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Chow down during the apocalypse.
SUBJECT 5: Give me the Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Make it the centerpiece of a fancy meal.
SUBJECT 6: Oh, this Spam is delicious.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Now replace Spam with Jell-O, and what do you get?
SUBJECT 4: I'm still so hungry. I might have to eat some twigs.
SUBJECT 5: Oh, watch my blood sugar crash as the world burns.
SUBJECT 6: I'm sorry, waiter, excuse me. This Jell-O is a little off pudding.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Jell-O, that's not going to fill you up. But Spam will. Each serving contains seven 7 full grams of protein. And for all you naysayers out there--
SUBJECT 7: Spam is gross.
SUBJECT 8: Eww.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Have you ever even tried it?
SUBJECT 7: No.
SUBJECT 8: Isn't it mystery meat?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: No, it's made from six simple ingredients. Pork with ham, which is just a way of saying pork shoulder and thigh meat, salt, water, modified potato starch, sugar, and sodium nitrite. That last one is a common preservative in lots of foods. So yeah, no mystery there.
Spam was invented in 1937 by Hormel Foods as a way to use pork shoulder. A lovely part of the pig that's hard to sell because it's tricky to cut off the bone. They put it in a can with some ham, and voila, Spam was born. During World War two, Hormel sold over 150 pounds million of Spam to the military.
It was exactly what the troops needed. It was portable, protein-rich, cheap, and had an incredibly long shelf life. Soldiers even use the extra fat in spam cans for things like waterproofing their boots and moisturizing their skin.
SUBJECT 9: Good grief, Jerry, what happened to your face?
JERRY: It's my ultra moisturizing spam mask.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: These military men ate Spam for up to three meals a day and introduced it to countries around the world. Today, Spam is an integral part of cuisine in Guam, the UK, the Philippines and most notably, Hawaii where 7 million cans of spam are sold every year. That's why I called my friend Mark Noguchi, a Native Hawaiian an award winning chef.
MARK NOGUCHI: I think Spam is more versatile than Jell-O. Jell-O is simply sugar water set with gelatin. You apply a heat, it'll melt and then it turns into Kool-Aid. I mean, I'm like, come on.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Mark speaks my language. Spam is versatile.
MARK NOGUCHI: And you can dice it up crispy. It can go on top of nachos. It can be a musubi. You can just fry it and eat it with eggs and rice in the morning for breakfast. Put it this way, McDonald's has spam on their menu in Hawaii for a reason. I don't see Jell-O on the menu of McDonald's. I'm just saying.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Mark also just mentioned one of my favorite spam dishes of all time, spam musubi. It's a Japanese Hawaiian dish that consists of a slice of marinated and grilled Spam sandwiched between or on top of a block of rice, all held together by a strip of nori or seaweed paper. It's fantastic.
MARK NOGUCHI: When I make Spam musubi, it's serious business. When you layer it between a perfectly cooked rice, piece of nori around, goodnight.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: And finally, Spam is a cultural icon. Its rise to stardom started after World War two when Jay Hormel launched an ad campaign that involved a musical group called the Hormel Girls. They were 60 female war veterans who traveled the country singing songs about Spam.
SUBJECT 10: Music with the Hormek Girls.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: This was the start of decades of spammy jams.
SUBJECT 11: There's one meat that's more versatile than the rest.
SUBJECT 12: (SINGING) Spam. You don't say ham, say Spam.
SUBJECT 13: Hmm, more spam.
SUBJECT 14: (SINGING) Chop it.
SUBJECT 15: (SINGING) You can chop it.
SUBJECT 14: (SINGING) You can dice it.
SUBJECT 15: (SINGING) You can dice it.
SUBJECT 16: Spamburgers, spamburgers, spamburgers.
SUBJECT 17: These burgers are great.
SUBJECT 18: That's because they're made with Spam.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: (SINGING) For a specialty.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: (SINGING) For an anniversary.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 21: Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: (SINGING) For the taste of it.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: Spam up for the taste.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: There are also spam festivals like the Spam Jam in Hawaii.
MARK NOGUCHI: It is huge. Every single booth is serving a dish with spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: There's even a Broadway musical with spam in the title, Spamalot. The title was inspired by a sketch made by the legendary comedy troupe Monty Python which features a band of Vikings who sing this marvelous song.
SUBJECT 22: (SINGING) Lovely Spam. Wonderful Spam. Lovely Spam. Wonderful Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Spam Is a star. It makes us laugh and makes our mouths water with delight. Spam moves people. Sing it with me, Oscar.
(SINGING) Lovely Spam, lovely Spam, lovely Spam. Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
Nice singing, everyone. An eye opening, stomach filling declaration of greatness for Spam. Oscar, what stood out to you about Kenji's declaration of greatness?
OSCAR: The musical abilities of the people behind Spam are absolutely brilliant. And I also think that when I get home, I will be trying out a spam face mask.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very moisturizing I hear. All right, Tracy, you have 30 seconds for your rebuttal. And your time starts now.
TRACY MUMFORD: I'm just going to say you brought up what the can looks like because if we talked about what it looks like, we might not be having this conversation. Also, you're talking about, oh, it's good in the apocalypse. You know what else is good in the apocalypse? Like living underground and wearing a helmet all the time, but like that doesn't mean that I want to do those things. So I don't know apocalypse food, not really selling it for me.
You know what I want at the end of the world, I want sugar and water, which your expert just said-- there's both. Also, if it melts into Kool-Aid, isn't that just another point for me? I mean Jell-O, Kool-Aid when it melts.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time. Excellent points all around. Oscar, this is going to be a tough decision. But it's time to award your first two points. Remember, we're asking you to judge based on one simple thing, which side made their side sound cooler. Did one of them entice you with a recipe or a fabulous fact?
Make a decision, but don't tell us which side you're going for. Have you thought it through, Oscar, and awarded your points?
OSCAR: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Kenji, Tracy, how are you feeling about this bouncy battle so far?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I'm feeling Spam-tastic.
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-O only knows confidence.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, well, it's time for a quick break. Wiggle, jiggle, whatever you need to do.
OSCAR: And we'll be right back with more Smash, Boom, Best.
SUBJECT 1: You're watching State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hi, a debate heads Todd Douglas here with my main squeeze and debate queen.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Taylor Lincoln. We caught someone using a logical fallacy today--
TODD DOUGLAS: Which is a debate mistake that makes for a whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, weak argument.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: It was a bandwagon fallacy, which is when you argue that something must be true, because it's popular.
TODD DOUGLAS: But popular opinions are not always right.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Even though Bob seems to think so. Listen to this.
BOB: Lisa, I want to get a new fridge.
LISA: What? Why? Our fridge is fine.
BOB: But we could do so much better than fine. We need a chilly chatter. It's a fridge that chats.
(SINGING) It's the cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, chili chatter. It'll tell, tell, tell you when there's mold on your plater.
[LAUGHS]
LISA: Seriously, I can use my nose and my eyeballs to figure out if our food is about to go bad. I don't need my fridge to tell me.
BOB: But all our friends are getting them. Paul called me yesterday to tell me how amazing his is. And I know Chris, Stu, and Daley all have one. I want to get one. It's the only fridge worth having.
(SINGING) It's the cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, chili chatter.
[BUZZER]
TODD DOUGLAS: Woo, stink-a-roo. Bob's logic is way off.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Just because all of Bob's friends are getting the chilly chatter doesn't mean it's the only fridge worth having.
TODD DOUGLAS: Next time you try to convince someone to get a new gadget or gizmo, be sure to avoid using the bandwagon fallacy.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Because everyone says it's awesome is not a winner of an argument.
TODD DOUGLAS: All right, off to the fridge for some snacks.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh, I'm coming too. We'll catch you next time debate heads on State of Debate.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 23: Best.
SUBJECT 24: Boom, Smash. Smash, Boom.
SUBJECT 23: Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash, Boom, Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
OSCAR: And I'm your judge, Oscar.
MOLLY BLOOM: One of my favorite things about this show is all the amazing debate ideas we get from listeners like you. Check out this awesome debate suggestion from Kiana.
KIANA: My debate idea is vowels versus consonants.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Kiana at the end of his episode to see which side she thinks should win.
OSCAR: And now it's back to our debate of the day, Jell-O versus Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
SUBJECT 1: Micro round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For today's micro round it's alien encounter. Tracy and Kenji pretend you're an alien who's been sent to Earth to collect data it's your first time visiting this distant planet we call home and your big discovery is your side's snack. It's your job to describe your fabulous findings to your fellow aliens. Tracy went first last time. So Kenji, you're up. Let's hear your alien encounter with Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Ahoy, my fellow razzles. It is I, Foodini the food finder, reporting back from planet Earth with a culinary discovery that will blow all of your little hats off.
[GIGGLES]
Is that slobbering I here? Well, prepare to slobber some more as I present this marvel of human culinary invention, Spam.
ALIENS: Spam. Spam?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: It comes in this colorful tin, which looks like a battery. And we love our batteries. Without batteries, our entire society would crumble.
ALIENS: Yay, batteries. Yay, batteries.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: But it's not a battery. When I pull this ring, the top peels back like the skin on a slurk finger. Just listen.
ALIENS: Wow. Wow.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: And inside is a substance sublime. It is flavorful like the seas on planet gizzard. It is soft and slightly gelatinous like the fleshy insides of a pizzle fruit. It is pink like the sun sets on planet snee. I can dump it out of its metal box and it retains a perfect rectangular shape. It still looks like a battery, only soft and manageable.
ALIENS: A manageable battery, no way. Get out of this galaxy. You've got to be kidding me.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I found this source of Spam hidden in a small flat place called Austin, Minnesota. I snuck into the Spam factory at night and took all of the Spams I could carry.
ALIENS: Spam, spam, spam.
ALIENS: We shall have the feast of the century, a fabulous spammy jamboree where we'll throw our little hats in the air and all guzzle spam.
ALIENS: I love batteries. But I love spam more. I think spam is my jam. Confirmed.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
Foodini, the food finder, oh, it's such a good description. Its battery like nature is very important to that species. All right, Tracy, let's see what extraterrestrials think of mellow Jell-O.
TRACY MUMFORD: Space Command, Space Command, this is meep, coming to you from Earth, Earth. This is me coming to you from Eartha. And I am looking right at a big, beautiful red glob. It appears to be some sort of shiny, shiny gemstone perhaps.
But I'm looking at it. It is huge, Space Command. And I'm just going to get a little bit closer here. Oh, hold on, hold on. Space Command, the glob moved. It, oh, wowzers. OK. The glob appears to move any time I get a little bit closer.
It knows I'm here. It seems to be sensing my vibrations. Whoa. Look at that glob jiggle. Space Command, my research tells me that earthlings eat these globs. But I'm not sure if you're supposed to eat it when it's still moving.
I'm just going to take an Earth implement I picked up here, a spoon. I'm going to take my spoon and just dig in here. Oh. OK. It's really jiggling now, and there's some slight resistance. OK. OK. It's on my spoon. And it's moving. I'm-- OK. I'm going to go for it.
I'm both chewing and slurping at the same time. Space Command, Space Command, this is a sugar rush. I repeat, this is a sugar rush. I like this. I would eat a lot of this. I would put my face in this and go blarr. I'm going to put the Jell-O back on the ship with my other favorite things from Earth, a loofah and a giraffe.
You will like these, I'm sure. I will bring them back for you. Over and out, Space Command. Come with me, Jell-O, Jell-O. Come with me. Oh. Oh no, you have splattered on the floor. Jell-O, are you OK?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that alien found so many good things on their trip to Earth. OK, Oscar, what stood out to you in these micro rounds?
OSCAR: I'm not going to lie I am a little scared that jell-o may have gained consciousness somewhere in there.
[LAUGHTER]
TRACY MUMFORD: It's alive.
OSCAR: I'm not sure if that counts for or against Jell-O.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. Oh man, these were both really delightfully funny and creative. It's a tough decision. Oscar, have you decided?
OSCAR: I have decided.
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. And it's time for our third around. The super stealthy--
SUBJECT 25: Haha, ho, ha.
SUBJECT 1: Sneak attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: And you're a sneak attack today is superhero. We want you to describe your side's superhero. What do they look like? What are their superpowers? Maybe you want to tell us about their nemesis, their costume. Does that make sense?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Sure.
TRACY MUMFORD: Yeah, on it.
MOLLY BLOOM: We will give you a few minutes to brainstorm. And while you work, let's listen to some soothing hold music.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 26: (SINGING) Spam, it's ham in a can. Forever fresh, a famous brand. Pink and salty, squishy, I'm a fan. Hello, Jell-O. You're my sweet. Come, let's jiggle down the street. Mellow Jell-O, what a silly treat.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Tracy, you're up. Tell us about team yellow's superpowers.
TRACY MUMFORD: All right, so my team Jell-O superhero is named the Jiggler. Part of a supergroup, comes in many flavors. Lemon, Raspberry, I won't go on. Super powers include sneaking under doors, down drains, pretty much getting into hard reach places. Also weapons go right through the Jiggler that just reforms around any hole. And it can trap its enemies inside of its jiggly, wiggly self, which is like the tastiest super prison that has ever existed.
My big enemy might be the Spaminator which looks a little like something a pig sneezed out, but that's OK. One time the Spaminator took a super ray, melted the Jiggler. And you know what? Melted into sugar and water, which just refilled the oceans. And isn't that great?
That's the Jiggler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Nice to meet you, Jiggler. All right, Kenji, introduce us to your stunningly spammy superhero.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Well, my superhero is Captain Spamtastic and his sidekick Hambone. His special abilities include the power to survive literally anything, completely unscathed in his hermetically sealed super suit. He never ages. He's always delicious and his tin armor is a brilliant shade of blue and gold.
Any time that a meal needs a star, he'll be there. Whenever sodium levels are critically low, he's the one to call. If a face ever needs moisturizing, Captain Spamtastic is on the job. So if you're in a jam, send Captain Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. I would see both of these superhero movies, definitely. All right, Oscar, think about which description wowed you, which superhero would you want on your side, which made you laugh, who had a better outfit. Give that team your point, but again, don't tell us who you're voting for.
OSCAR: I would pay good money to see this fight.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you awarded your point?
OSCAR: Yes, I have a word in my point.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. And it's time for our last around.
SUBJECT 1: The final six.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kenji, you're up. You've got just six words to make a final impression on Oscar. Let's hear them.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Well, I think it's hard to improve on Monty Python six words about spam which are spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Speaks for itself. All right, Tracy, your turn. Let's hear your last six Jell-O-tastic words.
TRACY MUMFORD: Super delicious, scientific marvel, scram spam.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness. This is a tough debate today. We have taken a mouthwatering journey. Both teams have put up a flavorful fight. But it's time to award that final point and crown one of these unique treats the Smash Boom Best. Oscar, have you awarded your final point?
OSCAR: The final point has been awarded.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Then tally up the points. Drum roll, please.
SUBJECT 1: The winner is--
OSCAR: Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Woo-hoo.
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-no.
OSCAR: Terribly sorry, Jell-O.
TRACY MUMFORD: Whatever, my tears will just make Spam saltier.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Impossible. Nothing is saltier than Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
OSCAR: It came down to 3 to 2. It was a close one.
MOLLY BLOOM: Walk us through a little bit of your decision making process.
OSCAR: Well, you know I came into this debate very open minded. And I feel that my eyes have sort of been open to the world of Spam in a way that I did not expect coming in here. I feel like a new person. I feel renewed. And I owe that to Spam.
TRACY MUMFORD: And when the apocalypse comes, Spam will be on my shelf, so. And I will be well moisturized.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I thought it was all genius, and I couldn't stop laughing while you were doing your alien bit.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's it for today's debate battle. Oscar crowned Spam the Smash Boom Best, but what about you?
OSCAR: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think should win.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and American Public Media.
TRACY MUMFORD: It's produced by Rosie DuPont, Sanden Totten, Ruby Guthrie, and Molly Bloom.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: We had engineering help from Veronica Rodriguez.
TRACY MUMFORD: And we had production help from Christina Lopez, Marc Sanchez, and Monica Wilhelm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman. And the executives in charge of APM Studios are Lilly Kim, Alex Shaffer, and Joanne Griffith. Rosie DuPont is the voice of our whole music and our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto.
We want to give a special thanks to--
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
Kenji, is there anyone you want to thank today?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Oh, I want to thank my family who had to eat Spam fried rice for lunch today in preparation for this debate.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Tracy, any shout outs?
TRACY MUMFORD: I just want to thank Jell-O which just never stops giving.
MOLLY BLOOM: Jell-O is a beautiful thing. Oscar, do you want to give any special thanks today?
OSCAR: I want to thank the Academy. I want to thank--
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: The Oscar Academy?
OSCAR: I want to thank everyone who is involved in this. This was super fun. It's an honor to be here.
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. And before we go, let's hear who Kiana thinks should win in her vowels versus consonants debate.
KIANA: I think vowels would win because you cannot make a word without a vowel.
MOLLY BLOOM: Good point, Kiana. Do you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week.
OSCAR: See you.
MOLLY BLOOM: Goodbye.
TRACY MUMFORD: Catch you later.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 27: (SINGING) You're the Smash Boom Best. Oh, wasn't that fantastic? You're the Smash Boom Best. Oh, better than the rest. It's a Smash Boom Best. It's a Smash Boom Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You are a fabulous host. I can say that now, it won't seem like I'm trying to sway the competition.
[LAUGHTER]
TRACY MUMFORD: It's too late for that.
OSCAR: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash Boom Best. The show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. We hope you're hungry because we're serving up two eclectic eats in today's bouncy battle.
In one corner, it's the dessert that dances, Jell-O. And in the other, that salty ham in a can, Spam. Which bizarre bite will win this smash boom battle? Hard to say. But lucky for us we've got Oscar from Minneapolis here to help us choose a wiggly jiggly winner.
Hi, Oscar.
OSCAR: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Oscar, when I say Jell-O, what comes to mind?
OSCAR: Well, I have very mixed feelings with Jell-O. There's a lot of positive experiences. The texture, very interesting, a lot of good flavors. But it can very easily go wrong. You know that skin on the edges? Oh, disgusting. So mixed emotions.
MOLLY BLOOM: And what about Spam, what comes to mind there?
OSCAR: Oh, Spam, Spam I feel it's more foreign to me. Spam is something out there, not really in my realm. So I'm more I'm more open to new experiences regarding Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you tried it before?
OSCAR: You know, I don't know if I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. So we have a blank slate to work with. Let's meet our debaters. Here to defend Jell-O, it's audio producer extraordinaire Tracy Mumford. Hi, Tracy.
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-O, Jell-O.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
So Tracy, in a single sentence, why is Jell-O cooler than Spam?
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-O is a scientific marvel that brought dessert for the whole world.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. And here to represent Spam, it's cookbook and children's book author, New York Times columnist and restaurateur Kenji Lopez Alt. Hi, Kenji.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Spam, Spam.
TRACY MUMFORD: Didn't sound as catchy, huh?
MOLLY BLOOM: I think I'm going to answer the phone like that from now on. Spam. In one sentence, why is Spam the smash, boom, best?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Oh, Spam is delicious. It lasts forever. It comes in 12 flavors. It's got a full 57% of your recommended daily allowance of sodium, which is great if you suffer from hyponatremia. And it can technically be a very small part of a balanced breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Let's review the rules of the game. Round one is the declaration of greatness where our debaters will present fact filled arguments in favor of their side. They'll also each get 30 seconds to rebut their opponents statement. Then we've got the micro round where each team will respond to a creative assignment they received in advance.
Round three is the sneak attack, a surprise challenge debaters will respond to on the spot. And to wrap it all up, we've got the final six where each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Our judge Oscar will award two points in the first round, one for his favorite rebuttal, and one for his preferred declaration. And then he'll award one point in each round after that. But he'll keep his decisions top secret until the end of the debate.
Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. Everybody, are you ready?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Ready.
TRACY MUMFORD: Let's wiggle.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
SUBJECT 1: Declaration of greatness.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Our debaters will present the most fascinating facts and awesome arguments in favor of their side. We flipped a coin. And Tracy, you're up first. I hope you're ready for this jelly. Let's hear your declaration of greatness for Jell-O.
TRACY MUMFORD: OK. Take a walk with me, a time walk. It's the 1800s, people are riding horses to get anywhere. There's no refrigerators, no freezers, no electricity, no nothing. And you're standing there on a super dusty street. And it's hot out, and you're thinking, gosh, I just want some Jell-O.
Excuse me, sir, where can I get a fruity flavored jiggly wiggly delight of a dessert?
SUBJECT 2: I'm so sorry strange person, but are you filthy rich?
TRACY MUMFORD: Fair point, fair point because that's what it would have taken to get a gelatin dessert if we were in the past. Jell-O is a spin on the word gelatin. It's that special substance that gives desserts that jiggly see-through texture. It's a protein that comes from different parts of animals.
And when it's melted in hot water and then cooled, it makes a colloid, which is a liquid suspended in a solid.
SUBJECT 2: That sounds like magic.
TRACY MUMFORD: Taste like it too. And if you wanted to have that in the 1800s, you would need some cow legs, or the bladder of a fish, a big old pot to boil all of that in, a strainer, all of your own spices and flavors, a whole day to cook and then let it set, and servants who would have done all that work for you. So yeah, you would have to be super wealthy.
SUBJECT 2: Alas, for the rest of us, gelatin desserts are wildly out of reach.
TRACY MUMFORD: Luckily in the 1800s, a bunch of inventors started experimenting with how to make a cheaper gelatin. And I'm not going to lie, the first gelatin you could buy it did not really taste good. But weirdly enough, it made a great glue. Then came Pearle Waite and his wife May.
Pearl decided to add strong delicious flavors and colors to this kind of not great ready made gelatin. There was raspberry and lemon and orange and strawberry. Sound familiar? May called this tasty new creation Jell-O. They sold their invention to another company, and things took off thanks to some genius marketing.
They had people go house to house all over the country putting a bunch of recipes under everybody's door. So imagine waking up and seeing this pamphlet promising all these delicious desserts that you can make and all you need to do is go to the grocery store and get this one magical new product, Jell-O. This is like making you crave Jell-O by spamming you with a bunch of delicious pictures on Instagram. Oh sorry, did I say Spam?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Anyway, this is why I love Jell-O. It took this fancy schmancy dessert that all of us could only dream about and brought it to the people.
[CHEERING]
I also love jell-o because it encourages experimentation. In 1906, there was chocolate flavored Jell-O. I cannot really imagine wiggly jiggly see-through chocolate. But by golly, they tried. Jell-O also encourages other people to experiment. Here are some of my favorite foods that I have seen in Jell-O recipes.
Almonds, nuts in your Jell-O? Sure. Love a crunch. Marshmallows, definitely, why not? Pineapple, toss it in there. The more fruit, the better. Onions in Jell-O? OK, that's like a little on the edge for me. Mayonnaise, I would try it. Olives? Kind of a salty sweet thing. And tuna.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Tuna in your Jell-O. You know what? Even if I personally am not scarfing up tuna and lime Jell-O for lunch, I love that jell-o is a blank canvas for people to experiment with. If you're in the Midwest, we even call it a salad. Jell-O basically screams I can do and be anything. And I mean really anything.
Here are some of Jell-O other uses. You know the rainbow colored horses in The Wizard of Oz?
SUBJECT 3: I've never seen a horse like that before.
TRACY MUMFORD: They are covered in Jell-O powder of different flavors to get that rainbow look. Chimpanzees in the zoo love to eat Jell-O. They've got great taste. So it's also a zoo food. People wrestle in Jell-O. Imagine the squish.
And-- and I should not be telling you this-- you can use jell-o to dye your hair. There are definitely less messy ways. But people do it. Ask your parents first. Basically Jell-O brings the rainbow everywhere it goes from your house to famous movies, to punk rock hair, to the zoo, to the swimming pool where you would need about 700 gallons of Jell-O.
But just imagine you're back on that street in the 1800s with a hankering for a fruity cup of Jell-O, and a stranger passes you by, and you want to grab them and yell at them and say, wait for the future, Jell-O is coming. It wiggles, it jiggles, it tastes delicious. It brings dessert for everybody, instead of just the rich.
SUBJECT 2: Sounds like a bright and glorious future indeed.
TRACY MUMFORD: And wait till you see what it can do to your hair.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Jell-O wiggling its way into our hearts and onto our heads. Oscar, what do you think about Tracy's declaration of greatness?
OSCAR: I really like it. I had no idea there were non-food uses for Jell-O. I love that. And I also love the whole thing about like it's been brought from the higher classes down for everyone. I liked it quite a bit. Good start for Jell-O.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, Kenji, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to get spammy with it. And your time starts now.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: All right, you want to talk about how diverse Jell-O is, well, Spam has got a beat. You can grill it. You can saute it. You can braise it. You can put it in a sandwich. You can put it in a taco. You can use it as croutons. You can bake it into a Spam Wellington.
And you talked a lot about the past, Jell-O is a food of the past from the 1800s, whereas spam is the food of the future. We all know that the apocalypse is coming, the zombie apocalypse is coming. And when the zombies are at your door, I want to have a bunker full of Spam that I could eat any time, not a bunch of packets of Jell-O. Spam has a beat.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
TRACY MUMFORD: I'm sorry, did you guys bring in a cookbook author or a cookbook? Because I just heard recipes being listed.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, well, Kenji, I know you have more to say. 30 seconds was not enough. So let's hear why Spam deserves to be crowned the snack, boom, best.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I love Spam, the iconic blue and yellow packaging, the salty flavor packed meat. But you know what makes spam such a standout? You can literally eat it anywhere. And it always makes the meal. Grill it up while you can camp.
SUBJECT 4: Hmm.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Chow down during the apocalypse.
SUBJECT 5: Give me the Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Make it the centerpiece of a fancy meal.
SUBJECT 6: Oh, this Spam is delicious.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Now replace Spam with Jell-O, and what do you get?
SUBJECT 4: I'm still so hungry. I might have to eat some twigs.
SUBJECT 5: Oh, watch my blood sugar crash as the world burns.
SUBJECT 6: I'm sorry, waiter, excuse me. This Jell-O is a little off pudding.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Jell-O, that's not going to fill you up. But Spam will. Each serving contains seven 7 full grams of protein. And for all you naysayers out there--
SUBJECT 7: Spam is gross.
SUBJECT 8: Eww.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Have you ever even tried it?
SUBJECT 7: No.
SUBJECT 8: Isn't it mystery meat?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: No, it's made from six simple ingredients. Pork with ham, which is just a way of saying pork shoulder and thigh meat, salt, water, modified potato starch, sugar, and sodium nitrite. That last one is a common preservative in lots of foods. So yeah, no mystery there.
Spam was invented in 1937 by Hormel Foods as a way to use pork shoulder. A lovely part of the pig that's hard to sell because it's tricky to cut off the bone. They put it in a can with some ham, and voila, Spam was born. During World War two, Hormel sold over 150 pounds million of Spam to the military.
It was exactly what the troops needed. It was portable, protein-rich, cheap, and had an incredibly long shelf life. Soldiers even use the extra fat in spam cans for things like waterproofing their boots and moisturizing their skin.
SUBJECT 9: Good grief, Jerry, what happened to your face?
JERRY: It's my ultra moisturizing spam mask.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: These military men ate Spam for up to three meals a day and introduced it to countries around the world. Today, Spam is an integral part of cuisine in Guam, the UK, the Philippines and most notably, Hawaii where 7 million cans of spam are sold every year. That's why I called my friend Mark Noguchi, a Native Hawaiian an award winning chef.
MARK NOGUCHI: I think Spam is more versatile than Jell-O. Jell-O is simply sugar water set with gelatin. You apply a heat, it'll melt and then it turns into Kool-Aid. I mean, I'm like, come on.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Mark speaks my language. Spam is versatile.
MARK NOGUCHI: And you can dice it up crispy. It can go on top of nachos. It can be a musubi. You can just fry it and eat it with eggs and rice in the morning for breakfast. Put it this way, McDonald's has spam on their menu in Hawaii for a reason. I don't see Jell-O on the menu of McDonald's. I'm just saying.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Mark also just mentioned one of my favorite spam dishes of all time, spam musubi. It's a Japanese Hawaiian dish that consists of a slice of marinated and grilled Spam sandwiched between or on top of a block of rice, all held together by a strip of nori or seaweed paper. It's fantastic.
MARK NOGUCHI: When I make Spam musubi, it's serious business. When you layer it between a perfectly cooked rice, piece of nori around, goodnight.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: And finally, Spam is a cultural icon. Its rise to stardom started after World War two when Jay Hormel launched an ad campaign that involved a musical group called the Hormel Girls. They were 60 female war veterans who traveled the country singing songs about Spam.
SUBJECT 10: Music with the Hormek Girls.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: This was the start of decades of spammy jams.
SUBJECT 11: There's one meat that's more versatile than the rest.
SUBJECT 12: (SINGING) Spam. You don't say ham, say Spam.
SUBJECT 13: Hmm, more spam.
SUBJECT 14: (SINGING) Chop it.
SUBJECT 15: (SINGING) You can chop it.
SUBJECT 14: (SINGING) You can dice it.
SUBJECT 15: (SINGING) You can dice it.
SUBJECT 16: Spamburgers, spamburgers, spamburgers.
SUBJECT 17: These burgers are great.
SUBJECT 18: That's because they're made with Spam.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: (SINGING) For a specialty.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: (SINGING) For an anniversary.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 21: Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: (SINGING) For the taste of it.
SUBJECT 19: (SINGING) Spam up.
SUBJECT 20: Spam up for the taste.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: There are also spam festivals like the Spam Jam in Hawaii.
MARK NOGUCHI: It is huge. Every single booth is serving a dish with spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: There's even a Broadway musical with spam in the title, Spamalot. The title was inspired by a sketch made by the legendary comedy troupe Monty Python which features a band of Vikings who sing this marvelous song.
SUBJECT 22: (SINGING) Lovely Spam. Wonderful Spam. Lovely Spam. Wonderful Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Spam Is a star. It makes us laugh and makes our mouths water with delight. Spam moves people. Sing it with me, Oscar.
(SINGING) Lovely Spam, lovely Spam, lovely Spam. Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
Nice singing, everyone. An eye opening, stomach filling declaration of greatness for Spam. Oscar, what stood out to you about Kenji's declaration of greatness?
OSCAR: The musical abilities of the people behind Spam are absolutely brilliant. And I also think that when I get home, I will be trying out a spam face mask.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very moisturizing I hear. All right, Tracy, you have 30 seconds for your rebuttal. And your time starts now.
TRACY MUMFORD: I'm just going to say you brought up what the can looks like because if we talked about what it looks like, we might not be having this conversation. Also, you're talking about, oh, it's good in the apocalypse. You know what else is good in the apocalypse? Like living underground and wearing a helmet all the time, but like that doesn't mean that I want to do those things. So I don't know apocalypse food, not really selling it for me.
You know what I want at the end of the world, I want sugar and water, which your expert just said-- there's both. Also, if it melts into Kool-Aid, isn't that just another point for me? I mean Jell-O, Kool-Aid when it melts.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time. Excellent points all around. Oscar, this is going to be a tough decision. But it's time to award your first two points. Remember, we're asking you to judge based on one simple thing, which side made their side sound cooler. Did one of them entice you with a recipe or a fabulous fact?
Make a decision, but don't tell us which side you're going for. Have you thought it through, Oscar, and awarded your points?
OSCAR: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Kenji, Tracy, how are you feeling about this bouncy battle so far?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I'm feeling Spam-tastic.
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-O only knows confidence.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, well, it's time for a quick break. Wiggle, jiggle, whatever you need to do.
OSCAR: And we'll be right back with more Smash, Boom, Best.
SUBJECT 1: You're watching State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hi, a debate heads Todd Douglas here with my main squeeze and debate queen.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Taylor Lincoln. We caught someone using a logical fallacy today--
TODD DOUGLAS: Which is a debate mistake that makes for a whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, weak argument.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: It was a bandwagon fallacy, which is when you argue that something must be true, because it's popular.
TODD DOUGLAS: But popular opinions are not always right.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Even though Bob seems to think so. Listen to this.
BOB: Lisa, I want to get a new fridge.
LISA: What? Why? Our fridge is fine.
BOB: But we could do so much better than fine. We need a chilly chatter. It's a fridge that chats.
(SINGING) It's the cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, chili chatter. It'll tell, tell, tell you when there's mold on your plater.
[LAUGHS]
LISA: Seriously, I can use my nose and my eyeballs to figure out if our food is about to go bad. I don't need my fridge to tell me.
BOB: But all our friends are getting them. Paul called me yesterday to tell me how amazing his is. And I know Chris, Stu, and Daley all have one. I want to get one. It's the only fridge worth having.
(SINGING) It's the cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, chili chatter.
[BUZZER]
TODD DOUGLAS: Woo, stink-a-roo. Bob's logic is way off.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Just because all of Bob's friends are getting the chilly chatter doesn't mean it's the only fridge worth having.
TODD DOUGLAS: Next time you try to convince someone to get a new gadget or gizmo, be sure to avoid using the bandwagon fallacy.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Because everyone says it's awesome is not a winner of an argument.
TODD DOUGLAS: All right, off to the fridge for some snacks.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh, I'm coming too. We'll catch you next time debate heads on State of Debate.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 23: Best.
SUBJECT 24: Boom, Smash. Smash, Boom.
SUBJECT 23: Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash, Boom, Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
OSCAR: And I'm your judge, Oscar.
MOLLY BLOOM: One of my favorite things about this show is all the amazing debate ideas we get from listeners like you. Check out this awesome debate suggestion from Kiana.
KIANA: My debate idea is vowels versus consonants.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Kiana at the end of his episode to see which side she thinks should win.
OSCAR: And now it's back to our debate of the day, Jell-O versus Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
SUBJECT 1: Micro round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For today's micro round it's alien encounter. Tracy and Kenji pretend you're an alien who's been sent to Earth to collect data it's your first time visiting this distant planet we call home and your big discovery is your side's snack. It's your job to describe your fabulous findings to your fellow aliens. Tracy went first last time. So Kenji, you're up. Let's hear your alien encounter with Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Ahoy, my fellow razzles. It is I, Foodini the food finder, reporting back from planet Earth with a culinary discovery that will blow all of your little hats off.
[GIGGLES]
Is that slobbering I here? Well, prepare to slobber some more as I present this marvel of human culinary invention, Spam.
ALIENS: Spam. Spam?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: It comes in this colorful tin, which looks like a battery. And we love our batteries. Without batteries, our entire society would crumble.
ALIENS: Yay, batteries. Yay, batteries.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: But it's not a battery. When I pull this ring, the top peels back like the skin on a slurk finger. Just listen.
ALIENS: Wow. Wow.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: And inside is a substance sublime. It is flavorful like the seas on planet gizzard. It is soft and slightly gelatinous like the fleshy insides of a pizzle fruit. It is pink like the sun sets on planet snee. I can dump it out of its metal box and it retains a perfect rectangular shape. It still looks like a battery, only soft and manageable.
ALIENS: A manageable battery, no way. Get out of this galaxy. You've got to be kidding me.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I found this source of Spam hidden in a small flat place called Austin, Minnesota. I snuck into the Spam factory at night and took all of the Spams I could carry.
ALIENS: Spam, spam, spam.
ALIENS: We shall have the feast of the century, a fabulous spammy jamboree where we'll throw our little hats in the air and all guzzle spam.
ALIENS: I love batteries. But I love spam more. I think spam is my jam. Confirmed.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
Foodini, the food finder, oh, it's such a good description. Its battery like nature is very important to that species. All right, Tracy, let's see what extraterrestrials think of mellow Jell-O.
TRACY MUMFORD: Space Command, Space Command, this is meep, coming to you from Earth, Earth. This is me coming to you from Eartha. And I am looking right at a big, beautiful red glob. It appears to be some sort of shiny, shiny gemstone perhaps.
But I'm looking at it. It is huge, Space Command. And I'm just going to get a little bit closer here. Oh, hold on, hold on. Space Command, the glob moved. It, oh, wowzers. OK. The glob appears to move any time I get a little bit closer.
It knows I'm here. It seems to be sensing my vibrations. Whoa. Look at that glob jiggle. Space Command, my research tells me that earthlings eat these globs. But I'm not sure if you're supposed to eat it when it's still moving.
I'm just going to take an Earth implement I picked up here, a spoon. I'm going to take my spoon and just dig in here. Oh. OK. It's really jiggling now, and there's some slight resistance. OK. OK. It's on my spoon. And it's moving. I'm-- OK. I'm going to go for it.
I'm both chewing and slurping at the same time. Space Command, Space Command, this is a sugar rush. I repeat, this is a sugar rush. I like this. I would eat a lot of this. I would put my face in this and go blarr. I'm going to put the Jell-O back on the ship with my other favorite things from Earth, a loofah and a giraffe.
You will like these, I'm sure. I will bring them back for you. Over and out, Space Command. Come with me, Jell-O, Jell-O. Come with me. Oh. Oh no, you have splattered on the floor. Jell-O, are you OK?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that alien found so many good things on their trip to Earth. OK, Oscar, what stood out to you in these micro rounds?
OSCAR: I'm not going to lie I am a little scared that jell-o may have gained consciousness somewhere in there.
[LAUGHTER]
TRACY MUMFORD: It's alive.
OSCAR: I'm not sure if that counts for or against Jell-O.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. Oh man, these were both really delightfully funny and creative. It's a tough decision. Oscar, have you decided?
OSCAR: I have decided.
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. And it's time for our third around. The super stealthy--
SUBJECT 25: Haha, ho, ha.
SUBJECT 1: Sneak attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: And you're a sneak attack today is superhero. We want you to describe your side's superhero. What do they look like? What are their superpowers? Maybe you want to tell us about their nemesis, their costume. Does that make sense?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Sure.
TRACY MUMFORD: Yeah, on it.
MOLLY BLOOM: We will give you a few minutes to brainstorm. And while you work, let's listen to some soothing hold music.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 26: (SINGING) Spam, it's ham in a can. Forever fresh, a famous brand. Pink and salty, squishy, I'm a fan. Hello, Jell-O. You're my sweet. Come, let's jiggle down the street. Mellow Jell-O, what a silly treat.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Tracy, you're up. Tell us about team yellow's superpowers.
TRACY MUMFORD: All right, so my team Jell-O superhero is named the Jiggler. Part of a supergroup, comes in many flavors. Lemon, Raspberry, I won't go on. Super powers include sneaking under doors, down drains, pretty much getting into hard reach places. Also weapons go right through the Jiggler that just reforms around any hole. And it can trap its enemies inside of its jiggly, wiggly self, which is like the tastiest super prison that has ever existed.
My big enemy might be the Spaminator which looks a little like something a pig sneezed out, but that's OK. One time the Spaminator took a super ray, melted the Jiggler. And you know what? Melted into sugar and water, which just refilled the oceans. And isn't that great?
That's the Jiggler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Nice to meet you, Jiggler. All right, Kenji, introduce us to your stunningly spammy superhero.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Well, my superhero is Captain Spamtastic and his sidekick Hambone. His special abilities include the power to survive literally anything, completely unscathed in his hermetically sealed super suit. He never ages. He's always delicious and his tin armor is a brilliant shade of blue and gold.
Any time that a meal needs a star, he'll be there. Whenever sodium levels are critically low, he's the one to call. If a face ever needs moisturizing, Captain Spamtastic is on the job. So if you're in a jam, send Captain Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. I would see both of these superhero movies, definitely. All right, Oscar, think about which description wowed you, which superhero would you want on your side, which made you laugh, who had a better outfit. Give that team your point, but again, don't tell us who you're voting for.
OSCAR: I would pay good money to see this fight.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you awarded your point?
OSCAR: Yes, I have a word in my point.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. And it's time for our last around.
SUBJECT 1: The final six.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kenji, you're up. You've got just six words to make a final impression on Oscar. Let's hear them.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Well, I think it's hard to improve on Monty Python six words about spam which are spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Speaks for itself. All right, Tracy, your turn. Let's hear your last six Jell-O-tastic words.
TRACY MUMFORD: Super delicious, scientific marvel, scram spam.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness. This is a tough debate today. We have taken a mouthwatering journey. Both teams have put up a flavorful fight. But it's time to award that final point and crown one of these unique treats the Smash Boom Best. Oscar, have you awarded your final point?
OSCAR: The final point has been awarded.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Then tally up the points. Drum roll, please.
SUBJECT 1: The winner is--
OSCAR: Spam.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Woo-hoo.
TRACY MUMFORD: Jell-no.
OSCAR: Terribly sorry, Jell-O.
TRACY MUMFORD: Whatever, my tears will just make Spam saltier.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Impossible. Nothing is saltier than Spam.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
OSCAR: It came down to 3 to 2. It was a close one.
MOLLY BLOOM: Walk us through a little bit of your decision making process.
OSCAR: Well, you know I came into this debate very open minded. And I feel that my eyes have sort of been open to the world of Spam in a way that I did not expect coming in here. I feel like a new person. I feel renewed. And I owe that to Spam.
TRACY MUMFORD: And when the apocalypse comes, Spam will be on my shelf, so. And I will be well moisturized.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: I thought it was all genius, and I couldn't stop laughing while you were doing your alien bit.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's it for today's debate battle. Oscar crowned Spam the Smash Boom Best, but what about you?
OSCAR: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think should win.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and American Public Media.
TRACY MUMFORD: It's produced by Rosie DuPont, Sanden Totten, Ruby Guthrie, and Molly Bloom.
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: We had engineering help from Veronica Rodriguez.
TRACY MUMFORD: And we had production help from Christina Lopez, Marc Sanchez, and Monica Wilhelm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman. And the executives in charge of APM Studios are Lilly Kim, Alex Shaffer, and Joanne Griffith. Rosie DuPont is the voice of our whole music and our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto.
We want to give a special thanks to--
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
Kenji, is there anyone you want to thank today?
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: Oh, I want to thank my family who had to eat Spam fried rice for lunch today in preparation for this debate.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Tracy, any shout outs?
TRACY MUMFORD: I just want to thank Jell-O which just never stops giving.
MOLLY BLOOM: Jell-O is a beautiful thing. Oscar, do you want to give any special thanks today?
OSCAR: I want to thank the Academy. I want to thank--
KENJI LOPEZ ALT: The Oscar Academy?
OSCAR: I want to thank everyone who is involved in this. This was super fun. It's an honor to be here.
MOLLY BLOOM: Awesome. And before we go, let's hear who Kiana thinks should win in her vowels versus consonants debate.
KIANA: I think vowels would win because you cannot make a word without a vowel.
MOLLY BLOOM: Good point, Kiana. Do you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week.
OSCAR: See you.
MOLLY BLOOM: Goodbye.
TRACY MUMFORD: Catch you later.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 27: (SINGING) You're the Smash Boom Best. Oh, wasn't that fantastic? You're the Smash Boom Best. Oh, better than the rest. It's a Smash Boom Best. It's a Smash Boom Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You are a fabulous host. I can say that now, it won't seem like I'm trying to sway the competition.
[LAUGHTER]
TRACY MUMFORD: It's too late for that.
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